Foaming and Quarrelling?
Fainting Amnesiac Quarterbacks?
Forthright and Queenly?
Far and Queer?
Frankly Absent Quotations?
ohhhhh....
Frequently Asked Questions:
I begged my readers for some questions so that I could post them here and declare them to be "frequently asked" (one time is frequent enough for me, I say)
Question #1, via facebook from a fellow high school graduate (not just any high school, my special tiny high school):
How much corn are you required to have to be considered "corn-fed"?
Confessions of a Cornfed Girl I would say that being from Iowa, Kansas or Nebraska automatically qualifies you to be labeled corn fed.
Unfortunately, I think I am actually a little allergic to corn, which sucks because I am also allergic to wheat, hence to beer (which I love) and the gluten free beer is made from corn. All of this makes me question the universe like so: "Benjamin Franklin said that beer is proof that God wants us to be happy so if I am allergic to all beer does that mean God doesn't want me to be happy?" Now I'm sad. Thanks for the question.
Just a simple question to start- when you don't feel like cooking, not one tiny bit, what do you throw on the table at meal time (barring trips to fast food joints or pizza delivery)?
Me: I am going to get serious here and tell you how I have a love affair with those little roasted chickens from the grocery store deli. At least once a week I pick up one of those chickens, some spring green lettuce, and some fruit (red or black grapes, strawberries or raspberries are my top picks) and make a salad.
1. The chicken on said salad must be warm or I get seriously offended.
2. I always have Annie's Raspberry Vinaigrette dressing on hand and that is what I pour over the top of my greens, fruits and meat concoction.
3. It is really good with walnuts (candied are the bomb- hell to the yeah) and a sprinkling of pungent cheese (i.e. blue or feta), yet I live in the allergy house and usually leave out things that make us break out in hives or swell up our throats. But if you are "normal"- add the cheese and the nuts. Iz gud.
4. Yes, Thing 1 eats this, because it is freaking delicious.
Me: I am going to get serious here and tell you how I have a love affair with those little roasted chickens from the grocery store deli. At least once a week I pick up one of those chickens, some spring green lettuce, and some fruit (red or black grapes, strawberries or raspberries are my top picks) and make a salad.
1. The chicken on said salad must be warm or I get seriously offended.
2. I always have Annie's Raspberry Vinaigrette dressing on hand and that is what I pour over the top of my greens, fruits and meat concoction.
3. It is really good with walnuts (candied are the bomb- hell to the yeah) and a sprinkling of pungent cheese (i.e. blue or feta), yet I live in the allergy house and usually leave out things that make us break out in hives or swell up our throats. But if you are "normal"- add the cheese and the nuts. Iz gud.
4. Yes, Thing 1 eats this, because it is freaking delicious.
Question #3 from a rockin' fellow preschool mom/small town girl:
How in the hell do you put on a lime green leisure (and I'm pronouncing it "le'shur") suit and heels and take pictures of yourself while evilly stroking a half hairless cat, strutting a runway walk with a laundry basket and get what I KNOW are wishful thinking brownies out of the oven all with absolutely no trace of a smile???? I was about to die!!! Would you be willing to do a photo shoot with me so I can see how crazy it has to be before you crack?!? (and not a creepy, creeper photo shoot!)
Me: It's true, there were no brownies in reality. I was out of butter.
Yes, I do photo shoots with other people, because as I identified in this post, I am clearly a closeted lesbian?
"I'm Ron Burgundy?"
Plus, I am wearing my natural, comfortable expression. Which explains why, when I wore this out a couple of times for St. Patrick's Day
I frighten people.
For proof, here is a picture of me from a children's birthday party. I had no idea my picture was being taken. I was having a lovely time (fer reals), watching adorable children plant lavender flowers.
I swear that I am not mean. It is just what my face does when I'm relaxed. So sad.
Question #4 from Tina, The Escrow Goddess:
Doooooo YoooooUUUUU Speeeeeeeaaaaakkkkk Whhhhhaaaaale?
Me: Bahaha! Awesome. No, unfortunately I do not speak whale. I do however speak a tiny bit of pony, a wee bit o' car chasing dog and way too much stubborn ass.
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| Hi, my name is Johi. |
jkokjohnwagner@yahoo.com
Peace, love and unicorns,
Johi
