Friday, February 13, 2015

Things no one should ever have to say

When I step back from the context of pretty much any given situation in my life, I'm often appalled by what actually fell out of my mouth.

Here is a quick rundown from the past two weeks of things no one should ever have to say- except I said all of them:

1. Stop playing with your brother's buttcheeks.

2. Stop picking at it. What? Fine. If you pick at it, make sure you wash your hands before and afterwards.

3. Who peed on the wall again?

4. Who put their dirty socks on the coffee table again?

5. It's like sleeping next to a rutting hog who's running a chainsaw.

6. Well, at least it isn't measles!

7. She ripped up your Valentine and you are making her another one? Oh honey. Please don't.

8. Are you seriously crying because you're riding a pony?

9. Does anyone in this house know how to flush the toilet?

10. Brock, you cannot watch pirate porn with the babysitter.


  1. #5 has, I believe, been said about me in the past. Kinda makes you wanna book a room and sleep with me now, doesn't it?

    1. It kind of makes me want to force you and Brock to sleep in the same room. :)

    2. I'd bring industrial strength earplugs and it would be a battle to see who falls asleep first.

  2. #4 has been said about various other locations. Like the couch, chair, kitchen counter, side table, computer's a lovely time

    1. Kid just looks at me baffled, Hubs pretends I'm speaking in tongues. I also use that same mystery language that sounds like English when I ask why the laundry is on the floor less than a foot away from the empty laundry hamper.