It's a New Year, which is a great time for new beginnings. I'm restarting today because, three days into this New Year, I've already destroyed 80% of my original goals and resolutions. Plus I've had my fragile little feelings hurt a few too many times already. So I'm officially declaring today a do-over!
That's the beauty of new days- every morning is a clean slate, a blank canvas, an unused notebook. Too bad I'm not a morning person.
When I reflect on my recent time spent with my children, husband, and four pets in the close, very close, way too close confines of our tiny house, I no longer feel guilt for having peppermint crunch Junior Mints and red wine for lunch today.
I meant to say that I have cherished every single moment of 2015's forced togetherness, such as...
- Listening to my children's toy-crazed, pent-up manic play, which led to the inevitable shrieks of pain from the following fall, crash, tumble and head bump. Delightful!
- The constant re-positioning and throwing away of my thrashed Christmas decorations after the kitten decided to hone his attack skills. Memorable!
- The never-ending employment of the broom, paper towels and Clorox clean-up wipes. Energizing!
- The ear-drum shattering barking of my dogs and that special moment yesterday when Black Dog ran into the street to yap at the police officer. Filled with pride!
- Forcing the children into 400 layers of winter gear and out of the house for outdoor time which affords me to opportunity to listen to incessant whining about being tired and cold. Fantastical!
Yeah. Those moments are the ones that really keep me going when times get rough.
The grand finale 'treasured moment' was last night after I had spent over an hour cooking a delicious dinner that both kids refused to eat because they were too busy informing me that I was "mean". That precious moment allowed me the opportunity to walk silently away from the table with tears in my eyes, leaving behind the dirty dishes and the chaos of bedtime. I simply grabbed my book, closed the door of my bedroom and proceeded to read- ALONE- something I truly do enjoy.
So far the only real thing I've accomplished this year is cleaning my house- a daunting task not to be ignored. Of course I have repeated this task every day, as the people and animals that share my space do not share my desire for cleanliness.
Fuck it. January is overrated. Did I mention how cold it has been here? Let's just blanket statement it with "stupid cold". At least it snowed and snow is pretty. Who wants to build a snowman?
Today, watching the white glitter swirl outside my window, I am truly enjoying my home. Mostly because no one else is here. You see, today, for the second time in 15 days since Christmas Break, I am momentarily alone. Oh how I need this quiet serenity. In this moment, I vow to shrug off the bitterness of repeating myself nonstop to deaf ears. I vow to remove myself from the last few days of failure and frustration. This day, this hour, this moment is a gift. This brief bout of silence in my home is a freaking miracle.
*Cue Black Dog barking..
In honor of fresh starts, I have decided to make a new lists of new goals and resolutions for 2015; the first one is a bit lofty, the second is more attainable. I figure I will start working on these things once I finish this glass of wine. Or maybe tomorrow. I haven't yet decided.
Johi's Loftier Resolutions for 2015
1. I resolve to become a better writer, photographer and illustrator.
2. I resolve to be nice(r).
3. I resolve to be a better wife, friend and mother.
4, I resolve to talk and think less about people and more about ideas and aspirations.
5. I resolve to improve my horsemanship skills, my bow hunting skills and my ninja skills. (only one of these is true- you pick)
6. I resolve to accept love, reflect love and be love.
Johi's More Realistic Resolutions of 2015
7. I resolve to publish my children's book.
8. I resolve to properly savor my wine and food.
9. I resolve to sleep more.
10. I resolve to increase water and decrease sugar intake.
11. I resolve to have less facebook and more face time.
12. I resolve to reread the entire Outlander series (I'm already on book 3 of 7, so far so good).
13. I resolve to exaggerate and use sarcasm less, unless, of course, the story calls for it or something is really ridiculous.
14. I resolve to ignore the old urge to constantly criticize myself.
15. I resolve to repel the bad and attract the good- as in circumstances and people.
So there it is. Now the internet can hold me accountable.
And more barking. Crap. The husband has returned with the Things. Serenity, it was nice knowing you.
I mean, OH JOY! My family has returned! It's been so long since I've seen them! Almost an entire hour! And with that, # 13 is already shot to hell.
I just heard Thing 2 say to his father, "You're mean!"
It shouldn't make me feel better, but it does. Down with #2.
On a final and serious note, I have some wishes for you, my fabulous readers:
May 2015 fill you with more moments of true happiness and joy than you can even process.
May you be blessed with health, wealth, peace and love.
May you reach your goals and realize your potential is greater than you ever imagined.
And because I'm actively practicing #'s 6, 14 and 15, I hope it does the same for me, too.
Peace, Love and New Notebooks,