Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day Haiku

Happy Valentines Day! It's a day of wine and roses, chocolate and kisses. It's a day to dig deep into your underwear drawer, find that sexy chemise and knock the dust off of it. It's a day to gaze longingly into one another's eyes and wonder how long he has had that horrible broken blood vessel.

Seriously, my man has a bloody eye. It's nasty.

Anywho, I'm dedicating this day of forced romance to my husband. We have successfully tolerated each other for 10 Valentine's Days now. GO TEAM WAGNER!

Being a thoughtful wife, I made this beautiful and captivating photo-art in honor of our love.

Also, because I'm clearly an overachiever, I made some heartfelt haiku in honor of this 14th of February. I didn't double check my syllable count, so you shouldn't either.

My truck was once clean
Until we put kids in it
Now it smells like feet

Valentine's Day sucked
Then you bought me a diamond
I like shiny things

Please run the vacuum
I know you know where it is
You built the closet

I used to want sex
Now that we have two children
I really want sleep

Your snoring is bad
But tonight I won't jab you
I'll pretend I'm nice

You can't force romance
But if you let me relax
You might just get some

I like chocolate
Keep your grubby paws away
from my secret stash

We all feel sorry
that you thought that I was sweet
Should have known better

Our kids are so cute
It is best we stopped at two
You can't push your luck

I hate McDonald's
But if you take the kids there
I won't have to cook

and last but not least....

Hire a nanny
Take me away from laundry
You might get lucky

Peace, Love and Bow Chicka Now Now,

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