Friday, February 28, 2014

TMI Fridays: Rants From Mommyland, Julia Miner

I'm not a person that really freaks out over meeting celebrities. Not to name drop, but I've met quite a few famous people in my day. For instance, the chick who played Joanie, who loved Chachi, from "Happy Days". I was 9 while on vacation with my family in Disney World, she was RIGHT THERE, and I merely stared with my mouth open. But I did not freak out, because Fonzie taught me how to be cool. Then there was the time I tried to sell a $50 pink suede child's vest and skirt to the dude who played Alex in the show "Taxi"... and I failed, but I did not freak out. I simply gave him the side eye, as in, I think I know you, but I'm not sure why. Then I met Tom Selleck, which was awesome because he is gloriously tall with the most handsome moon-pie face. But I was cool. I didn't even go in for a cuddle, like I wanted to. Right now, you might be thinking "Other than proving to us how old you are by your obscure celebrity references, what the hell is your point, Johi?" 

My point is that I do not think I will keep it together very well when the time comes for Julia Miner and I to meet in person. She's a celebrity blogger, and I am a total dorked out fangirl who thinks that when we meet in person, we will instantly become BFF's. I'll try to be cool, but I will probably sniff her hair. I do that sometimes.

If you don't know who Julia Miner is, she goes by Lydia at this awesome blog called Rants From Mommyland. If you have never heard of Rants From Mommyland, let me be the first to welcome you to this crazy place called the INTERNET, because you must be new here.


Julia is a mother of three, a wife, a professor and an amazing writer. She is hilarious and honest in her prose. She has a well-honed knack for turning a phrase and impeccable comedic timing. Julia he has inspired me and so many others with her straightforward commentary on parenting in real life. The fact that we share pages in the anthology, I Just Want to Pee Alone, is fifty shades of cray. I'm honored, because Julia's pretty much a genius and I love her long time.

CFG: How did you get your start in writing?
JM: My friend Kristin Wilson Keppler and I were exchanging emails about how motherhood was making us slightly demented. Our emails were cracking us up and making us feel less crazy. She decided we needed to turn the emails into a blog and Rants from Mommyland was born. That was back in 2009. I've been doing the blog on my own since the end of 2011, but I honestly never would have started blogging if weren't for her encouragement. 

CFG: Do you have a muse or a mentor? Who and why?
JM: Not really. Obviously my family and our life together is what I blog about, so I guess that's my muse. As far as mentors go, I think all of us who participated in the Pee Alone book look up to and are grateful to Jen (from People I Want to Punch in The Throat). I have a lot of people who have helped me since I started blogging and I try to pass that help on as often as I can. I rely a lot on Claire Goss (who contributes to Rants from Mommyland) as my sounding board and editor and typo-catcher. She's freaking hilarious and a really funny writer, as well as very a good friend.

CFG: Where would you like to be with your writing career in ten years? 
JM: I don't actually consider myself my a writer. I'm just a blogger. Writers are fancy and talented. I like to transcribe conversations with my kids and make dick jokes.

CFG: I call BullSchmidt. You are a WRITER. 

CFG: What is your favorite way to spend time?
JM: Honestly? It's kind of lame. Snuggle time with my kids. Followed by an early bedtime for them and then some snuggle time with my husband. 

CFG: What is the most common way you waste time?
JM: Messing around on my phone. Candy Crush, man. It is my shame. Now you know of my shame. 

CFG: Who is your celebrity free pass (or passes)?
JM: At the moment, I'm a Cumberbitch. I also love Tom Hiddleston. And Michael Fassbender. But you need to understand that I have become an old lady in a house coat who yells at the neighborhood teenagers for driving too fast. I'm the one in knee-highs on the front porch, shaking my fist at them and calling them motherless crackheads as they whiz by in their Civics. So I don't really fantasize about romantic, sexy interludes with these gentlemen. It's more like, I make pierogies and they love them so much and then afterwards Fassbender takes out the recycling for me. It's super hot.

CFG: If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
JM: This is so easy. I would be a miniature donkey. Because they are amazing. They are equal parts magic and enchantment. I met this donkey a couple of months ago. His name is Jethro. We made a connection so I took this picture of him with my phone. But my husband is extremely mean and said there was no way we could liberate Jethro from his prison at the petting farm and bring him home in the van. That's some bullshit, man. Because first of all, there was plenty of room and second of all, what about freedom? 

CFG: Who do you think you were in a past life?
JM: Probably the same thing. A mini-donk in knee highs and a house coat, yelling at the other mini-donks to slow the hell down.

CFG: If I come and visit you, will you brush my hair and tell me a bedtime story?
JM: YES. We will watch TV and drink red wine and wear stretchy pants and eat salty snacks.

CFG: We want to know about your addictions.
JM: TV, red wine, stretchy pants and salty snacks.

CFG: And brushing my hair and telling me bedtime stories...

CFG: If you could write a letter to your 8-year old self, what would it say?
JM: Please try harder not to be an asshole between the ages of 13 and 22. 

CFG: What is your favorite essay in I Just Want to Pee Alone and why?
JM: Not with a ten foot pole, hooker. They were all awesome.

CFG: I love it when you call me hooker, hooker.

Julianna W. Miner writes the award-winning humor blog Rants From MommyLand. She's been featured on Huffington Post,, and Parents Magazine. She adores her three children, in spite of the fact that they're little terror suspects. She's been married since 1997 and for this, her husband deserves some sort of medal. She currently teaches Public Health at a college she couldn't have gotten into because she made bad choices in high school.



  1. Thank you so much! I love you and I want you to come over here and braid my hair right now!

    1. It's a date! Wait... is it snowing where you are? Because I'm over snow.

  2. I love Julie so hard! And that mini-donk pic is priceless.

  3. I loved reading this. You two should take this show on the road.

    1. We should. I'll have my agent contact her agent.

  4. Replies
    1. Two votes for a road show! It should happen!

  5. This is how I envision the Hooker's version of IJWTPA Vagina Dialogues - because our vaginas DO talk. End scene.

  6. I think Julia and I might be soulmates based on our celebrity free passes being almost exactly the same! Add Idris Elba ... I'll pause while you Google him ... Right?? Love your interview, love RFML!