Friday, January 10, 2014

The Blame Game and Bad Aim

Parenting Fail #734

As a parent, it is my duty to teach my offspring about character. In my fantasy-filled world, I ideally pass along my best qualities to them, while my pitfalls are blissfully ignored. In essence, my children will be kind, witty, conscientious, and healthy. I teach them to be open minded people who accept responsibilities for their actions. In reality, I'm raising a couple of adorable smart alecks who think that farts are hilarious and ketchup is the largest category of the food pyramid. My desire for my children to possess a high level of moral and ethical qualities is far overshadowed by the evil solitude of the time-out corner.

My kids are mostly loving brothers... except when they are busy throwing each other under the bus. We apparently live on a busy bus route. So many buses, so few brothers to throw under them.

Sometimes I'm in a different room than my children. In that other room, I do exciting things like laundry. There no toys in the laundry closet, so the children don't follow me there. "Things" happen when I'm not in the room. I'll often walk around the corner to discover an escalated argument over a tractor, tears or a red mark on a cheek. Sometimes I burst into a fog of freshly expelled odoriferous vapors. When I ask, "What happened?" or "Who did this?" both of my boys rat out the other one in a series of finger pointing and "It was him!"

Over and over again I explain the importance of telling the truth, no matter if it makes a person look bad. Over and over again I tell them that they will get into less trouble if they are always honest.
Over and over again my children cast the blame onto the other.
In their book, responsibility is for suckas.

The other night I was multitasking as the bathtub warden and the cleaning lady. While the boys splashed in the tub, I scrubbed every surface of the toilet and the floor around the throne, yet the urine stench stubbornly remained. I scrunched up my face, squinted my eyes and looked harder. That is when I noticed the wall. Just to the right of the toilet toward the corner, I saw bubbled, slightly peeling paint. As if that wasn't enough of a clue, I also detected a faint yellowish tinge in a suspicious drippy pattern. One swipe of my cleaning rag confirmed my fear. Yes. It was pee. On the wall. And there was a lot of it.

I asked my cherubic, flaxen haired angels, "Has someone in this room been peeing on the wall?"

They answered in their typical fashion, by calling out the other's name, "It was CWLIUKLERT!" (that is the sound of their names being yelled simultaneously)

When I patiently asked again, they had gotten their answers together. They both firmly said, "IT WAS DAD!"

....









12 comments:

  1. I will tell you, as we now have a basement bathroom that basically ONLY Steve uses, sometimes IT IS DAD. Ugh.

    Boy Pee = Nasty!

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  2. Well you know what the problem is, you have an incontinent wall. Do they make diapers in flattering border prints?

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    Replies
    1. Ha! I think we just resolved our remodeling quandary of whether or not to tile the walls. Tile it is!

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  3. Ah yes! the joys of having men in the house......even as they get older they still cant aim!

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  4. Oh when I was a little kid my dad scribbled all over the walls with wax crayons. Dads, you know?

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  5. I specifically purchased a taller elongated bowl toilet when mine needed replacing, to help my 39-year-old "boy" hit the toilet despite his self-confessed "pressure problem." I still find pee on the floor to the front left of the bowl, and there are drips down the front and stains the white caulk. I want to scream. I can't get him to clean up after himself because he doesn't notice it! I have no idea if the ACTUAL boys have a problem because they aren't here often enough, and I already know the biggest boy in this house is making a huge mess. My dream is to one day have a house with 2 bathrooms, so I can have my OWN.

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    Replies
    1. What is with the whole "I didn't see it" thing? Is is a degenerative eye disorder?

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  6. ew this brings back scary memories for me of my ex, the toilet, floor, area was always nasty and I got so grossed out cleaning up after him. I just don't understand how hard it is to hit the toilet, really? I'd make them clean it up until it stops lol

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  7. This is far too familiar - except in our house it is almost always my oldest. What is up with boys and their bad aim?

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