Thursday, January 2, 2014

Hello 2014!

Ahh... the New Year. A time to start fresh. A time for a clean slate. A time to make a shit ton of promises to yourself. A sort of rebirth, if you will. A time to look ahead to a brighter and better future. A time to play the Lottery.

2013 was fairly kind to me, as years go. I was published online and in print. I met an amazing group of women through my contribution to the best-selling book "I Just Want to Pee Alone". I pushed myself as a writer for Chrome Magazine, where I wrote profile pieces on inspirational people, stories of horses and the equestrian life. I wrote for an intense but short period of time for Babble Pets. I potty trained my three-year old... twice! I shed some fear and gained some strength. I waxed my eyebrows for the first time. Our house has a few more almost-finished projects. My family is happy and healthy. My oldest kid learned how to read. We made art. And cookies. I only was accused of being my older sister's mother once. I discovered not one, but two really good gluten free beers. But best of all, I loved and was loved in return.

I still haven't found the elusive unicorn, but I have hope.

So far the arrival of 2014 has come with sleep deprivation and way to motherfargin much noise. Oh, and a tiny anxiety attack. But I'm STILL HOPEFUL that this year will be the very best of my life so far! Sure, I may suffer from optimistic self delusion, but I believe in thinking positive!

In the traditional New Year's vein I have made a list of 14 resolutions for the year 2014.

Johi's 14 2014 Resolutions:

1. Take more vacations. I need to be on a beach like a crack whore needs... well crack. My kidlets should know about landscape other than mountains and plains. All of our albino skin needs a mega dose of Vitamin D. Brock and I both need to sip booze decorated with umbrellas through a tiny straw. It is critical to our survival.

2. Teach my loud, adorable, rambunctious kids to swim. Always helpful prior to a beachy vacation.

3. Spend less time with said kids. I realize that sounds like a horrible resolution, but this lady needs a little solitude to write effectively. I also need a little distance sometimes to love people properly. Hey, I'm just keeping it honest here. Less time with battery operated toys, listening to incessant begging for Popsicles and moderating Lego wars will be good for momma. Plus it will lead to more quality time with them. This is what I am telling myself. This 24/7 business is slowly killing my soul.

4. Spend more time alone with the husband. Use your imagination.

5. Eat more delicious food. There is so much delicious food out there that I should be shoveling into my cramhole. I get into food ruts, where I am bored with food and eating almost becomes a chore. I clearly need to add some variety. Which leads to....

6. Hire a personal chef. Bam! Problem solved.

7. Buy more awesome boots. Since the last resolution may be a tad unattainable, I thought that I should add something less overwhelming. Plus I have a boot sickness.

8. Learn something new every day. Okay, maybe not EVERY DAY but at least a few times a week. Smart is sexy. So are stilettos and good hygiene. I should probably implement more of those as well.

9. Help others. There are many ways to help others: by making them laugh, making them think, showing them something new, not allowing them to wander into traffic, donating time and/or money, and by giving fashion or decorating advice. The first one and the last one seem to be the easiest for me. Don't listen to your mother, easy is awesome. AWESOMESAUSAGE. There. I helped you all learn a new word.

10. Write more. Draw more. Paint more. Photograph more. Create more. Because good things sometimes come of the effort, like this Jaunty Fox that I made the other night.

11. Continue to step outside of my comfort zone more. Because living in fear is stoopid.

12. Make sure that the only toys my kids break are the battery operated ones. I have two boys. Two boys are hard on toys. I am constantly saddened by the number of toys that they bust. HOWEVER, I am not saddened when one of those loud, obnoxious, battery operated toys breaks. Sorry that I'm not sorry.

13. Spend more time doing things that bring me joy. It's necessary. Trust me.

14. Always look for the light. I'm a sensitive asshole. I need to keep shit positive. Sometimes it is difficult, but it is truly my goal.

I wish you all a safe, happy, healthy and abundant 2014!
I would love to hear your goals for this year in the comments!

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. My resolutions: I have decided that each year when I make a New Year's resolution it gets broken after about 3 days to a week later. This year my New Year's Resolution is to: eat more chocolate, Pig out at every meal, Never clean my house, Shop Every Day and drink like I need to attend meetings. So this year when I fail I will actually WIN!!

  2. I love you even if you love going to the beach. My goal for this year is to write a humor picturey book filled with humor and pictures about crafting and being a perfect woman. I might actually enlist your help on that.

    Good luck on your GOOOAAAALLLz.

    1. I think you should absolutely write that book and I would be thrilled to help!

  3. I baked unicorn poop cookies. They're almost as good as seeing a real unicorn. Almost.