Saturday, September 21, 2013

What I Was Doing That Didn't Warrant a Shower

Lately, I'm struggling to find a rhythm to my daily life. Between school schedules, having my three year old at home with me, social media management, healthy eating, exercise, attempted mental presence, and writing, I feel a little bit like I was caught in a lightening storm while wearing metal shoes. I don't think I've quite found my groove. I say this because the other day Brock looked at my haggard, aging face and said, "We're all trying to get used to the new Johi."

And he wasn't talking about the lack of elasticity in my skin or the fact that I was wearing the same clothes that I had slept in the night before... and worn all day prior to that.

Wow. So I not only look like I'm 55, but I also am a raging biznitch. Neat. LIFE GOAL ACCOMPLISHED.

That was a reality check. So I poured myself another cup of caffeine and asked myself, "What am I going to do about this?" 

My self replied, "I honestly have no fucking clue, but you need to get caught up with that laundry." 

Until I figure out a solution, I will offer you all my "What I Was Doing That Didn't Warrant a Shower."

I'm two weeks behind, so I will try to catch you all up!

  • I was interviewed for  Faces of Fort Collins HERE, where I talked about myself, which was totally easy. I also discovered exactly how much I don't like reading my own words when they are transcribed from a recording of me talking. I say the word 'got' a lot. A LOT. My hillbilly was shining through like the glorious beacon of tractor headlights.

  • I wrote a few lighthearted articles for Babble Pets, which I have listed below for your eyehole delight:
  1. Your Favorite Bloggers and Their Pets- I showcase the animals belonging to some of my favorite bloggers, including Insane in the Mom Brain, Oh Noa, and Moms Who Drink and Swear.
  2. Cute Children Caught Napping with Their Pets- Alicia from Naps Happen and I paired up to provide you with ridiculously adorable picture of kiddos snoozing with their pets.
  3. Celebrate Fall with Awesome Knitwear for Pets- Animals in sweaters and hats- redonk.
  4. The Secret Lives of Farm Animals- I pretended to be Dr. Doolittle as I delved into the "real" lives of the farm animals living at Lee Martinez Farm. Basically, I made up a bunch of ridiculous stories and gave the animals human qualities, cuz that shit is fun. This post was also featured on the Yahoo home page, where every fucking troll lurking in a basement took the time to tell me how much they hate me. That was special. But I was featured on the Yahoo home page so they can eat my tank top that I've been wearing for 48 hours now!
  5. My Babble story about ponies was also featured on Yahoo Shine, where more angry humanoids decided to take time out of their obviously busy lives and insult me some more! OMG, what is wrong with these people?

  • I learned all about miniature pigs when I spoke to Dawn Bleeker from Newton, Iowa about her pig named Joy. I love this story. Dawn was so educated about mini pigs, and she had really gone to great lengths to get Joy and to make her a happy pig. Here is the link to Joyful Living with a Mini Pig

  • I wrote an emotionally draining and bittersweet post about the Colorado flooding that was very personal to me. My sister is in Estes Park. I went two and a half days without hearing from her because they lost phone service. In the midst of that, I watched the entire Front Range be devastated by flood waters. On Friday the 13th almost every major highway around me was shut down. Then my neighbors informed me that we might have to evacuate. I spent the day on pins and needles; worried for my sister, worried about my home, wondering where I was going to take a blind and a foundered pony, and concerned how I would get them there, as we no longer own a horse trailer. So I did what I do. I stressed out and aged 10 years. Then I made phone calls to line up help and cooked a giant batch of soup. On the other hand, Brock took the kids up to Lowe's and looked at Halloween decorations. We were fortunately able to stay in our home, but my beloved Natural Area where Red Dog takes me on walks was hit hard and sat underwater for a week. Then I saw a video of Glen Haven, which is the little mountain town where we escape to in the summer. We love it there. The flooding North Fork River basically took out the entire town. Friends of ours own the General Store. I wept for this town. I wept for our friends. I wept for all of Colorado. It is all shown in this post that I wrote for Babble Pets. Glen Haven is the town in the video at the beginning. If you read anything that I wrote, please read this and share it. 
 Animals Rescued From Colorado Flooding

Thanks to all of you for being supportive of my journey as a writer. I wish I could tell you how much each and every one of you means to me. You are all an important part of my life. And looky here, I'm a writer. I did it. Sure, my family thinks I'm Satan and I'm not sleeping or eating, but we'll work that out. I want to take this moment and remind you to keep working toward your own goals. Don't let self-doubt (or trolls) stand in your way. You can do it. I've got your back (and I'm scrappy, so you totally want me back there).

Peace, Love, and Unicorns,
Johi Kokjohn-Wagner, Writer


  1. Never have a job and a writer been more perfectly matched than you and your Babble Pets gig. I hate that those shithead trolls were messing with you.

    1. Thanks for your vote of confidence, Amy. I'm just not used to the negativity! I've worked hard to get douchebags OUT of my life, and everyone is supportive here, so I was a little taken aback. But I shouldn't have been. There are a lot of unhappy, toxic people in the world. They just don't live in my bubble.

  2. Never have a job and a writer been more perfectly matched than you and your Babble Pets gig. I hate that those shithead trolls were messing with you.

  3. I'm new to your site and I just wanted to tell you how much I love it! As a fellow writer (Working towards making it a full-time career), I truly appreciate the inspiration as well. :) And I have family in Fort Collins so I know how difficult its been out there...take care! x

    1. Welcome and thank you! Best of luck to you with your career!

  4. I am so sorry for all the devastation that Colorado has received; it makes me sad because I understand it. I am very happy, though, that you, your family and Jess are A-Okay (physically). I am also very thrilled for your writing career, so excited for you! Now I can officially stop bantering you, although I haven't done it for quite a long time. I am still working on reaching my goal...I had a health setback last fall with an "onset" of seizures (very few people know about it aside from my family but feel safe to say so on here), so I'm hanging in, with two terms left. My family has seen the worst of me, too, through this, so I feel your "pain" and inspiration all at the same time. Always good wishes to you! :)

    1. I'm so sorry to hear that, Emily- I hope you are doing better now.