Friday, August 23, 2013

TMI Fridays- Let Me Start By Saying

So there I was, standing on the sidewalk at BlogHer, trying to analyze how in hell that scary, child molester-looking guy running the ice cream truck was going to successfully sell anything, when this fabulous, gloriously tall angel walked up and spoke to me. I don't remember what she said because I'm a terrible listener, but it was something lovely and gracious. If had been wearing pants, she would have charmed them right off of me.

That angel was Kim Bongiorno, and I pick her to be my sister wife. Let the hair braiding commence!

When I look at this picture, I hear heavenly voices singing a sweet melody.
Black Dog is also barking, but that is the soundtrack to my life. 


Seriously, this lady can do it all. She is an excellent writer. She is extr extree super intel intelle smart. She is beyond competent. She is organized. She is NICE. She's pretty. She knows how to do all kinds of confusing computery stuff. She can master a to-do list with ninja skill, people. She is FUNNY and ferocious. She probably even remembers to buy people birthday cards, then she actually sends the cards to those birthday people. (That part always gets dicey for me.) And I have it on good authority that she bakes.

If you don't believe me, just ask her to make you a pin-able graphic! Or go and read her writing! You can find her eloquent words and magnanimous wit in a crap ton of books, including I Just Want to Pee Alone, on her blog "Let Me Start By Saying" and pretty much anywhere on the Internet.

Kim was an obvious choice for this TMI Fridays series.

Plus, she signed that little document that I made called "Sign up HERE for TMI Fridays!"

Johi: I'm going to start by asking the question that everyone wants to know: HOW THE FUCKITY FUCK DO YOU DO IT ALL? Seriously, three books, countless websites, your blog, all the pin-able graphics anyone could ever want, that whole parenting thing, knowledge that seems to actually STAY in your brain and so much more... your ability to get shit done astounds all of us. Tell us all of your secrets. We have time.

Kim: I embrace the fact that I’m a terrible homemaker, so my standards are one level above “urine-scented cardboard box in alleyway next to liquor store” as far as cleanliness and order are concerned. And I don’t brush my hair much or make real meals. My kids are 8 & 6 now so I pretty much let them raise themselves. But other than that, I CAN DO IT ALL.


Johi: Was there a moment that you knew you wanted to be a writer? Please explain.

Kim: Always. I had lots of alone time as a kid, and would make up elaborate tales/productions with my toys. I was an early reader, and by the time I was 8 or 9 years old, my mom had to limit me to taking out 7 books each week when we’d go to the library. I ended up reading just about the entire children’s and Young Adult sections in my small town. I drank up books and wanted to make stories of my own. Sometimes I’d finish a book, then in my head rewrite the ending or create the ongoing saga of one of the supporting characters. I couldn't not be a writer.


Johi: If you couldn't/didn't write, what would you do? (If I were you, I would pick supermodel. But this is about you, not me.)

Kim: I’d be an actress, since I’d at least get to still play pretend. And someone else could deal with dressing me, which would be a nice task to not be in charge of. 


Johi: If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 

Kim: Grumpy Cat. Because he’s on coffee mugs, and I’d LOVE to drink coffee out of a mug with my own mug on it. Isn’t that everybody’s dream?


Johi: Now for the hard-hitting stuff. Who is your celebrity 'free-pass'? 

Kim: Chris Evans won me over when he emerged as Captain America, all glossy and shirtless and taller than me. It wouldn’t be a terrible thing to have a slice of the Cap’n.


Johi: Describe one of the most defining moments of your life.

Kim: I was in high school during track practice, and had to run into the locker room. Long story short, I was randomly told by a lower classman that she looked up to me. I always thought I was alone in noticing everyone around me individually, noticing that some people were special. To know that plain old me was seen – really seen – by someone really hit me. It solidified a lot that I believed in people and humanity. 


Johi: What do you think happens when we die? Is it just lights out or do you think our souls live on?

Kim: I never believed it was over when it’s over. I’m not sure what’s next, but I feel pretty darn confident there is a “next.”


Johi: How do you feel about porn? Wait, I'm sorry- that was inappropriate. I mean, it was a typo. I meant to ask how you feel about corn? What is your favorite corn product?

Kim: I’ve had two anal surgeries. Corn and I are still on shaky grounds.


Johi: What is your preferred mode of travel?

Kim: Walking while looking and listening all around me. No headphones on, ever. 


Johi: What is your soon-to-be-not-so-secret guilty pleasure?

Kim: Pepperidge Farm Gingerman cookies (the thin, crispy ones) with Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche ice cream on them, while watching a movie by myself in my dark basement. Your mind has just been blown. You're welcome.


Johi: You're super organized, so tell me the outline version of your life's plan. I know you have one. Also, will you make a pin-able<< am I even typing that right? graphic one for me? (Mine involves a ranch and a large log home, other than that, you can make up the rest)

Johi: Where's the part where I stopped in for a lottery ticket on my way to a pedicure and won big?
Crap. What's this WORK thing?

That donkey is redonkulous.


Kim: My kids will both be in full-day school for the first time this year. I can very soon truly write full-time and get the Life Plan rollin’. Hip! Hip! Hooray! So, in short, get a Lit Agent and sell my Young Adult (fiction) novel this year while growing my blog and continue with my professional writing gigs online and in anthologies. Within 5 years, have built a literary reputation for myself that allows me to continue writing full-time year-round (affording childcare in the summers because OMG SUMMER PLEASE HELP ME). Travel with my family of four, so my kids can grow up with a wider world view. Allow my husband to retire early and golf as much as his heart desires. Become a Dancing Granny. Use grandkids as an excuse to eat lots of cotton candy.


Johi: What is the greatest fear that you have overcome? 

Kim: I had a crippling fear of heights due, which I overcame by rock climbing. Yes, I chose to beat that one the hard way. Please don't try this at home.


Johi: Who is your inspiration/mentor?

Kim: Everyone. I never had an individual person I could really name as a mentor, ever. I see things in people or creations of people that inspire me, teach me, move me, make me want to do better or be better. So, you. My neighbor. My kids. David Sedaris. The list is ever-changing and always growing.


Johi: What is your favorite essay in I Just Want to Pee Alone and why?

Kim: Mine. Can I say that? No? FINE. Meredith Spidel’s about her mother’s funeral. I get it. I so get finding the humor in such a sad situation. That’s basically how I’ve lived my life for almost forty years: laughing during The Terrible. 


BIO:
Kim Bongiorno is an author, blogger and freelance writer. Known best for her award-winning blog Let Me Start By Saying, she is also a weekly columnist for InThePowderRoom - as well as their Social Media Manager, writes for various other publications on the web, and is a 2013 BlogHer Voice of the Year. Her books can be found on Amazon.com, but she can be found on Facebook and Twitter consistently avoiding housework.

14 comments:

  1. Excellent! I choose Kim to be my sister-wife, as well. Gonna be a large family!

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    1. Big families are the best. Unless you all have to share one man, then that could get tricky.

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  2. I heart you both, so I guess I can *sniff* wish you well on *sniff* your blog wife nuptials. **sniff sniff** Always a blog wife bridesmaid, never a blog bride. Wait, what? I'm not even in the wedding?!?

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    1. I'm making you wear a bright yellow taffeta dress with lots of ruffles and bows. I don't want to be upstaged.

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  3. I think the esteemed Nicole Leigh Shaw already has her name tattooed on Kim's hindquarter. You don't want to be sniffing around her ol' lady. She's from New Jersey.

    I want one of those life plan/dream board things for myself!

    Robyn, when I find my blog wife, you can be on guest book duty at our wedding.

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    1. As soon as the kids get back in school, Amy, I'll plan your future for you. Hang in there.

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    2. I now feel complete with that graphic.

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  4. I'm convinced Bongiorno is a fem-bot and has several clones. There is no way any one human can accomplish all that and also have the porcelain complexion of an 8yr old swedish model. I'm on to her.

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    Replies
    1. YOU KNOW NOTHING.
      Now mind your own business before there's an "accident" involving all the electrical items in your home. Ahem.

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    2. Is that why she shocked me in Chicago?

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  5. You are awesome, as always. Kim, you're alright, too.

    I love this interview. I can't wait until my youngest turns 6 because the oldest are 8 and 6 and shit I can't wait for them to take over the raising themselves part.

    Also, I heart Kim.

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    1. I love the age "6 and shit". It's my favorite.

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