Sunday, July 28, 2013

Who's Your Doppelganger?

Do you know how often I am mistaken for a celebrity?

Um... counting that one time at the mall... and that other time in the airport... that makes a total of ... NEVER.


Occasionally, people who are feeling kind and generous with their compliments have told me that I remind them of someone famous and fabulous. For instance, my husband thinks I resemble Heather Graham. Yes, it's true that he is most likely flattering me in an attempt to get me "socks optional" and horizontal, but I really don't mind. I once had someone else tell me that I look like Naomi Watts. Sure, they were slightly intoxicated and had, moments earlier, been dancing provocatively with a bar stool, yet I still took it as a valid compliment. The other day, a lovely woman INSISTED that I looked like Leslie Mann, particularly when I am speaking. She was so vehement about it that she convinced everyone around her to agree that I was indeed Leslie Mann's exact replica.

I liked it. A lot.

Giddy from the compliments and high from some off brand cold medicine, I excitedly plugged my picture into a "Doppelganger Generator" website and waited as the computer picked my look-a-like. My mind raced with the endless possibilities of fabulous stars that may be my celebrity twin. I sat in front of my screen, tapping my foot impatiently, and I wondered who was right. Would it be Brock? Do I really resemble the doe-eyed Heather Graham?  Could it be Naomi Watts? Wow, she is spectacular.  Maybe I WAS Leslie Mann. I totally relate to her brand of bitchy funny. As I waited for my personal Doppelganger to be magically "generated", I was anticipating a good, solid, ego stroking. After birthing two babies and for the last six years, spending weekends (and weekdays) submerged up to my jiggly thighs in laundry, I needed a lift. Even if it was shallow and from some vapid website.

Imagine my delight when the computer was done thinking and it spit out my answer!

Me, before I used the Doppelganger Generator.
Good GAWD!

My Doppelganger was Matthew Perry. 

Apparently, my asshole computer does not even think I look like a woman. It thinks I look like Matthew Freaking Perry. And while I love me some M.P., because he is one funny dude, let's be honest; the years have not been overly kind.
Matthew Perry
I think he is mocking me.



First I gasped. Then I laughed. Then I lit the computer on fire and heaved it into the pond.

Perry played the neurotic and physically animated Chandler Bing on Friends. In fact, I related to Bing more than any of the other characters on the show. Chandler Bing, the man of many facial expressions. I resemble that kind of facial range, as my own mug seems to be made of some sort of super stretchy rubber. Chandler Bing, whose job remained a sort of mystery to his friends throughout the entire show. That's not so weird. Hell, there are days when I don't even know what I do for a living. Chandler Bing, who met Tom Selleck, idolized him, then attempted to grow a Selleck-esq mustache. I once met Tom Selleck. It did kind of make me want a mustache.

Shit, maybe the computer is smarter than I think...

maybe I AM Chandler Bing.



TELL ME: Who's your Doppelganger? 

P.S. Stay tuned for the story of my real encounter with an incredible, hilarious and gorgeous celebrity at BlogHer!








10 comments:

  1. This post made me laugh out loud! I wrote a similar one a while back when a Facebook friend did this for some of her peeps and posted it on our pages. My celebrity doppleganger looked NOTHING like me. I never pubished the post because other things came up, but I will have to do that one of these days. In real life, I used to get Helen Hunt all the time when she was more famous. I loved it until I realized what a ginormous forehead she has and that that's probably why people were connecting the two of us. Ah, life. :)

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    1. I want to see this post. And I like Helen Hunt and her fivehead. I have one of those too. :)

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  2. OMG!!! Hilarious! I want to try it now!

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    1. Then you have to tell us who your celebrity twin is. I hope that it is at least a female.

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  3. A lady at the airport said she thought I was Sandra Bullock. I think she was mostly blind.

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    1. You do kind of look like Sandra Bullock. My vision is fine, for the record.

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  4. I'm really too scared to look up my doppelgänger. But I often have dreams of meeting her on the street. And it's glorious!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Would you casually say, "Oh. Hey. It's you." or would you scream and break into a run for the collision embrace?

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  5. But see you DO look like Leslie Mann. I still can't get over it!!! It's crazy! MP is ok but just tell people what I said because it's true AND awesome. I'm pretty good at the doppelganger game. I met two other bloggers that weekend that have doppelgangers, expect theirs are people I actually know... not celebs. Crap. now i need to do the generator... I'm going to say mine is TuPac. drops mic.

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    1. Ha! I don't think you be TuPac, mah lady. That just completely negated your whole "I'm pretty good at the doppelganger game" business. :)

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