Um... counting that one time at the mall... and that other time in the airport... that makes a total of ... NEVER.
Occasionally, people who are feeling kind and generous with their compliments have told me that I remind them of someone famous and fabulous. For instance, my husband thinks I resemble Heather Graham. Yes, it's true that he is most likely flattering me in an attempt to get me "socks optional" and horizontal, but I really don't mind. I once had someone else tell me that I look like Naomi Watts. Sure, they were slightly intoxicated and had, moments earlier, been dancing provocatively with a bar stool, yet I still took it as a valid compliment. The other day, a lovely woman INSISTED that I looked like Leslie Mann, particularly when I am speaking. She was so vehement about it that she convinced everyone around her to agree that I was indeed Leslie Mann's exact replica.
I liked it. A lot.
Giddy from the compliments and high from some off brand cold medicine, I excitedly plugged my picture into a "Doppelganger Generator" website and waited as the computer picked my look-a-like. My mind raced with the endless possibilities of fabulous stars that may be my celebrity twin. I sat in front of my screen, tapping my foot impatiently, and I wondered who was right. Would it be Brock? Do I really resemble the doe-eyed Heather Graham? Could it be Naomi Watts? Wow, she is spectacular. Maybe I WAS Leslie Mann. I totally relate to her brand of bitchy funny. As I waited for my personal Doppelganger to be magically "generated", I was anticipating a good, solid, ego stroking. After birthing two babies and for the last six years, spending weekends (and weekdays) submerged up to my jiggly thighs in laundry, I needed a lift. Even if it was shallow and from some vapid website.
Imagine my delight when the computer was done thinking and it spit out my answer!
|Me, before I used the Doppelganger Generator.|
My Doppelganger was Matthew Perry.
Apparently, my asshole computer does not even think I look like a woman. It thinks I look like Matthew Freaking Perry. And while I love me some M.P., because he is one funny dude, let's be honest; the years have not been overly kind.
I think he is mocking me.
First I gasped. Then I laughed. Then I lit the computer on fire and heaved it into the pond.
Perry played the neurotic and physically animated Chandler Bing on Friends. In fact, I related to Bing more than any of the other characters on the show. Chandler Bing, the man of many facial expressions. I resemble that kind of facial range, as my own mug seems to be made of some sort of super stretchy rubber. Chandler Bing, whose job remained a sort of mystery to his friends throughout the entire show. That's not so weird. Hell, there are days when I don't even know what I do for a living. Chandler Bing, who met Tom Selleck, idolized him, then attempted to grow a Selleck-esq mustache. I once met Tom Selleck. It did kind of make me want a mustache.
Shit, maybe the computer is smarter than I think...
maybe I AM Chandler Bing.
TELL ME: Who's your Doppelganger?
P.S. Stay tuned for the story of my real encounter with an incredible, hilarious and gorgeous celebrity at BlogHer!