Wednesday, May 15, 2013

No, I'm not medicated. Why do you ask?

I love lists. Sometimes, when my life feels out of control, I simply make a little list for a bit o' organization. Also, I bake. Then I eat everything that I just baked. Here is a list of things that make me suspicious, for no other reason than the fact that I refrained from stabbing anyone this week and dammit, I deserve a list! The banana bread was delicious; particularly with Nutella.
I'll call this list....

THINGS THAT MAKE ME SUSPICIOUS

  • Any meat that does not require refrigeration, including but not limited to meat that comes in a can.
  • "Processed Cheese Food"
  • People that respond in angry fashions on the Internet. Particularly the ones who cannot spell. If u cant spel, no1 cairs whut u R saeyin.
  • Men walking alone in street clothes on running paths.
  • Happy clappy churchy people.
  • People who claim that farting is offensive.
  • Full moons.
  • The people that animals don't like.
  • Meat that is on sale.
  • Cargo vans.
  • Clowns.
  • Martha Stewart (this is a teaser for this week's TMI Fridays interview).
  • Mouth breathers (I wrote this because my husband is doing it RIGHT NOW and I want to stab stabbity stabby stab. But I won't, because I'm a fucking lover, not a hater. *cough*)
  • People who claim to be grammar Nazis. I don't want them to read what I write or listen to me speak, unless they are going to edit this shiz for free.
  • Spell Check and AutoCorrect.
  • Hammer pants. The M.C. kind.
  • The weird brown mole on my toe.
  • Cheap shoes and cheaper bras.
  • Boy bands.

Or any combination of the above.

Here is a picture of my husband. I added the caption. I'm sure that you would have never guessed that.

I'm not wearing pants.



For balance, I will make another list of things that make me comfortable. I'll get all creative and call it...

THINGS THAT MAKE ME COMFORTABLE

  • Smiles and humor.
  • Vodka, wine and beer.
  • A footrest and a blanket.
  • The noise from an oscillating fan.
  • My mouth breathing husband.
  • Kisses and hugs from my kids.
  • Cowboy boots.
  • Green grass, tall trees and gardens.
  • Horses.
  • Books.
  • Pickup trucks.
  • Long, hot showers.
  • Drinks on the patio.
  • A night out with the girls.
  • Shoe shopping.
  • Money.
  • Rain showers.
  • Photography.
  • My boyfriend pillow.
  • Food that I don't have to cook.
  • Food that I make from scratch.
  • Laughter.
  • The quiet, simple country life; complete with sushi that delivers to my door.
  • Long walks with Red Dog.
  • Remembering to BREATHE.
  • A little dose of tough love.
Or any combination of the above.



Happy Hump Day.

What would you add to these lists?

Peace, Love and Unicorns,
Johi

10 comments:

  1. Don't Trust: The "meat" at Taco Bell.
    When my 6 year old suddenly yells "Mom! Everything's fine up here. You don't need to check on us!"
    When my 3 year old says "No me don't needa go potty" right before we get into the car.
    Taylor Swift.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh lady. Taco Hell. Seriously- that is definitely a no no.
      Awesome additions!

      Delete
  2. Catching up quickly ...

    I read PORNOGRAPHY on that second list then did a double take ... oh, no ... PHOTOGRAPHY. LOL Well, ya never know ...

    Good Thing I predict lots of the second list in the near future for you!

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh god, my husband mouth breaths and it drives. me. crazy.

    Things that make me suspicious: when my kids say "don't watch me!" when they're playing

    ReplyDelete
  4. Uncomfortable:
    Close talkers
    Other people's babies
    Walmart
    Loud chewers
    Used car salesmen

    Comfortable:
    Anything with alcohol in it
    Fire pits
    Fire places
    People spontaneously combusting on a cold winters night
    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baking totally calms me down. I always eat one while its warm, and then take the rest to work so I don't eat everything.

    What are your thoughts on coconut?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES to the coconut. I just found gf chocolate coconut scones at Great Harvest and I'm drooling just thinking about them.

      Delete