Wednesday, May 15, 2013

No, I'm not medicated. Why do you ask?

I love lists. Sometimes, when my life feels out of control, I simply make a little list for a bit o' organization. Also, I bake. Then I eat everything that I just baked. Here is a list of things that make me suspicious, for no other reason than the fact that I refrained from stabbing anyone this week and dammit, I deserve a list! The banana bread was delicious; particularly with Nutella.
I'll call this list....


  • Any meat that does not require refrigeration, including but not limited to meat that comes in a can.
  • "Processed Cheese Food"
  • People that respond in angry fashions on the Internet. Particularly the ones who cannot spell. If u cant spel, no1 cairs whut u R saeyin.
  • Men walking alone in street clothes on running paths.
  • Happy clappy churchy people.
  • People who claim that farting is offensive.
  • Full moons.
  • The people that animals don't like.
  • Meat that is on sale.
  • Cargo vans.
  • Clowns.
  • Martha Stewart (this is a teaser for this week's TMI Fridays interview).
  • Mouth breathers (I wrote this because my husband is doing it RIGHT NOW and I want to stab stabbity stabby stab. But I won't, because I'm a fucking lover, not a hater. *cough*)
  • People who claim to be grammar Nazis. I don't want them to read what I write or listen to me speak, unless they are going to edit this shiz for free.
  • Spell Check and AutoCorrect.
  • Hammer pants. The M.C. kind.
  • The weird brown mole on my toe.
  • Cheap shoes and cheaper bras.
  • Boy bands.

Or any combination of the above.

Here is a picture of my husband. I added the caption. I'm sure that you would have never guessed that.

I'm not wearing pants.

For balance, I will make another list of things that make me comfortable. I'll get all creative and call it...


  • Smiles and humor.
  • Vodka, wine and beer.
  • A footrest and a blanket.
  • The noise from an oscillating fan.
  • My mouth breathing husband.
  • Kisses and hugs from my kids.
  • Cowboy boots.
  • Green grass, tall trees and gardens.
  • Horses.
  • Books.
  • Pickup trucks.
  • Long, hot showers.
  • Drinks on the patio.
  • A night out with the girls.
  • Shoe shopping.
  • Money.
  • Rain showers.
  • Photography.
  • My boyfriend pillow.
  • Food that I don't have to cook.
  • Food that I make from scratch.
  • Laughter.
  • The quiet, simple country life; complete with sushi that delivers to my door.
  • Long walks with Red Dog.
  • Remembering to BREATHE.
  • A little dose of tough love.
Or any combination of the above.

Happy Hump Day.

What would you add to these lists?

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. Don't Trust: The "meat" at Taco Bell.
    When my 6 year old suddenly yells "Mom! Everything's fine up here. You don't need to check on us!"
    When my 3 year old says "No me don't needa go potty" right before we get into the car.
    Taylor Swift.

    1. Oh lady. Taco Hell. Seriously- that is definitely a no no.
      Awesome additions!

  2. Catching up quickly ...

    I read PORNOGRAPHY on that second list then did a double take ... oh, no ... PHOTOGRAPHY. LOL Well, ya never know ...

    Good Thing I predict lots of the second list in the near future for you!


  3. Oh god, my husband mouth breaths and it drives. me. crazy.

    Things that make me suspicious: when my kids say "don't watch me!" when they're playing

  4. Uncomfortable:
    Close talkers
    Other people's babies
    Loud chewers
    Used car salesmen

    Anything with alcohol in it
    Fire pits
    Fire places
    People spontaneously combusting on a cold winters night


  5. Baking totally calms me down. I always eat one while its warm, and then take the rest to work so I don't eat everything.

    What are your thoughts on coconut?

    1. YES to the coconut. I just found gf chocolate coconut scones at Great Harvest and I'm drooling just thinking about them.