Me to Brock: Do you think I'm high maintenance?
Me: Seriously, this isn't a trick question.
Brock: You're not high maintenance, you're just a pain in the ass.
Thing 2: Mom! WOOK! I did a puzzle! A Winnie the Pooh puzzle!
Me: Awesome little buddy! Sit by it and make a thumbs up! I'll take your picture!
Thing 2: *holds up pointer finger*
Me: This is how you make a thumbs up! *I show him how to hold up thumb only*
Thing 2: *see picture below*
Me: This is why I am not an educator.
Thing 1: Where is Grandma M?
Me: In Iowa.
Thing 1: WHERE is she?
Me: At her home. In Iowa.
Thing 1: What does she DO there?
Me: She's retired.
Thing 1: What is she retired of?
Me to Brock: What's that smell? I thought you showered.
Brock: I did.
Me: Seriously, something smells bad.
Brock: It's not me. I showered.
Me: No. Really. I smell something. It's wrong.
Brock: I don't know.
Me: *gag* My nostril hairs feel singed.
Brock: Oh. That. It's probably the gasoline on my hands.
Thing 1: I have hiccups.
Thing 2: Oh, I WUV HICCUPS!
Thing 2, singing: The cheese stands awone. The cheese stands awone. THE CHEESE. STANDS. AWOOOONE.
Me: I don't know why the cheese is so special that it gets to stand alone. I can't even pee alone.
Did you guys know that there is this incredibly funny, best selling book called I Just Want to Pee Alone? It's true. I'm one of the authors! You can buy a copy at Amazon, or enter to win a copy here!
There is also a new blog called I Just Want to Pee Alone for any and all funny mother bloggers to showcase their hilarity. Pop on over, take a look and submit your favorite story!
Have a wonderful weekend.
Peace, Love and Unicorns,