Saturday, April 6, 2013

Things Heard 'Round My House Today

Me to Brock: Do you think I'm high maintenance?

Brock: No.

Me: Seriously, this isn't a trick question.

Brock: You're not high maintenance, you're just a pain in the ass.

Thing 2: Mom! WOOK! I did a puzzle! A Winnie the Pooh puzzle!

Me: Awesome little buddy! Sit by it and make a thumbs up! I'll take your picture!

Thing 2: *holds up pointer finger*

Me: This is how you make a thumbs up! *I show him how to hold up thumb only*

Thing 2: *see picture below*

Me: This is why I am not an educator.

Thing 1: Where is Grandma M?

Me: In Iowa.

Thing 1: WHERE is she?

Me: At her home. In Iowa.

Thing 1: What does she DO there?

Me: She's retired.

Thing 1: What is she retired of?

Me to Brock: What's that smell? I thought you showered.

Brock: I did.

Me: Seriously, something smells bad.

Brock: It's not me. I showered.

Me: No. Really. I smell something. It's wrong.

Brock: I don't know.

Me: *gag* My nostril hairs feel singed.

Brock: Oh. That. It's probably the gasoline on my hands.

Thing 1: I have hiccups.

Thing 2: Oh, I WUV HICCUPS!

Thing 2, singing: The cheese stands awone. The cheese stands awone. THE CHEESE. STANDS. AWOOOONE. 

Me: I don't know why the cheese is so special that it gets to stand alone. I can't even pee alone.

Did you guys know that there is this incredibly funny, best selling book called I Just Want to Pee Alone? It's true. I'm one of the authors! You can buy a copy at Amazon, or enter to win a copy here!

There is also a new blog called I Just Want to Pee Alone for any and all funny mother bloggers to showcase their hilarity. Pop on over, take a look and submit your favorite story!

Have a wonderful weekend.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. BEST SEQUE EVER!!! That cheese is one lucky bastard, except when people say he's "cut" and they are comparing him to farts.

    1. Haha! I love the cheese. Unless it smells like feet, which is probably the kind that instigated the whole farting reference.

    2. AGREE with Stacey!! I was impressed by that smooth seque, sister. Way to slide the book right in there! ;)

  2. "What is she retired of?" Hilarious!

  3. Awwwww.... Thing 2 rocks!

  4. Wook, I could read a whole book of this! Just sayin....

  5. hee! Why do kids love hiccups? My daughter was giggling so hard last night because she had them and her older sister got all jealous and was like "I'm the one who usually gets hiccups!"

  6. Hahahaha! Kids innocently using their middle fingers will always get me!!


    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

  7. Please promise me that you will whip that picture out to show his prom date. God, it's priceless!

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  9. "The cheese stands alone" describes all of my meals.

  10. All of these scenarios made me giggle. Too funny! And thanks for the heads-up on the new blog. I think I'll go submit!

  11. What is she retired from!!!!!!!!!

    I'm giggling like a damn nut.