Monday, April 22, 2013


Ugly. Vain. Stupid. Geek. Snotty. Dumb Blonde. Hick. Stuck Up. Farmer. "Artsy". Whore. Frigid. Idiot. Brainy. Hard Core. Flaky. Sheltered. Coarse. Shy. Obnoxious. Fat. Skinny.

I've been called a lot of names throughout my life. Most of those names contradict another label that someone else has also pinned on me. A few of them are slightly irritating, much like a sock that is working its way off your foot while nestled deep in your cozy warm snow boot. Some of them are degrading. Others are merely laughable. But really, they are simply WORDS formed by another person; usually an insecure person with issues of their own. In my 38 years, I've learned to let most of those hollow words roll off my shoulders. I refuse to give those derogatory words or their bearers any power. While holding my martini in one hand, I raise my sloppily manicured finger with the other. You can decide on the finger...

Yet there is one name, one particular word that actually fills me with strength. This word is usually uttered after I have stood up for something in which I believe. It is carelessly thrown at me for merely speaking with conviction. For those reasons, I wear the title like a badge of honor. I treat it with respect, in much the same way that I consider the scars on my skin; they are a map of things you've done and places you've been. (Thank you, Edie Brickell, for that beautiful nugget).

That title is Bitch.

In a society where women are all to often expected to keep their tongue, mind their manners, follow the rules and be a lady; I am often the "rogue bitch" in the room. I'm not trying, I swear. It just happens.

Fuck dessert forks, panty hose and curtsies. I only have this one life and I am living it loud and proud.

On second thought, I like dessert forks.

Don't get me wrong. I attempt to be nice to others. In fact, I'm a lover with a (mostly) kind heart. I thoroughly enjoy smearing goodness and light all around me. Yet... I don't tolerate bullshit and I usually have an opinion that I enjoy sharing, if the situation warrants that opinion. I also am fairly organized (stop laughing) and have no problem being in charge. A lot of people perceive that as bitchiness. Okay. Go ahead and call me a bitch. I stand my ground. Deal with it or go somewhere that you can't see or hear me (like out the door).

According to (my favorite) Urban Dictionary definition, a "Bitch" is:

A woman that: 

A) Will have sex with everybody, but you. 
B) Won't do (what you in your feeble mind) want her to. 
C) You work for, that tells you what to do, and you don't like it. 
D) A successful woman. 

My sister is also a strong woman with a head for business. Like me, she doesn't back down on issues that are important to her. Also like me, if something is important to her, it is because she has put a good deal of thought into it. I'm talking hours, weeks or even months. We are not the type to just snag onto random ideas and hold them tight. There is usually massive amounts of reason behind our honored thoughts and ideas. It's how we were raised (even if it was an accident). It's who we are. Even though neither of us really have a filter, we happen to like ourselves and each other, no matter what you say.

Don't worry, all of the exits are clearly marked.

For better understanding, let's look again at another definition of the word bitch. According to


a female dog: The bitch won first place in the sporting dogs category.
a female of canines generally.

This makes sense to me. My sister and I grew up with dogs. We always had at least three running around on the property. Here is what our female dogs were like:

1. Fiercely loyal.
2. Protective of our family.
3. Loved riding in pick up trucks.
4. Bacon eaters.
5. Smart and sassy.
6. Stubborn.
7. Would sometimes fight with each other, usually over food or the good spot on the couch, but they would always forgive.

Also, those bitches would bite the shit out of any male dog that made unwanted advances. Then they would run them clean off the damn property.

Image from:

Yep. Bitches.

I OWN THAT TITLE. You should own it too, if it suits you.
Are you still unsure? Here's another handy definition:

Bitch, defined by The Corn Fed Girl (me, in case you forgot where you are):
1.) A woman in charge.
2.) A woman with a strong opinion that differs from yours. The difference is that hers is correct.
3.) The "lesbian" that is currently ignoring the advances of that drunk guy.
4.) Someone possessing both great shoes, a sharp mind and quick wit.
5.) Me and most of my friends.

Don't back down, my fellow bitches! Keep on rockin'! Your opinion matters because YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE SMART and YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Plus, I like your shoes.

I dedicate this song to my sister and all the other mouthy bitches that I know and love. You know who you are.
P.S. I really want a woman to record this. Someone like Sheryl Crow. When I say "Someone like Sheryl Crow", I mean Sheryl Crow. Please record this song, Sheryl Crow.

Peace, Love and Standing My Ground since 1975,


  1. In the immortal words of my idol, "Bitches get stuff done." I'm never offended if someone calls me a bitch.

  2. I loved this. Call me a bitch and all you'll get is my slow, smug smile.

    1. I just felt a slow, smug smile spread across my face when I was reading your comment.

  3. Love! Go bitches! HOWEVER, there are bitches out there who know and love the dessert fork and the whole damn place setting... Even if we can't pick out shoes for shit.

    1. Dessert fork, speaking with conviction, great shoes, bacon... it's really all the same. Or not. But it's all fabulous.

  4. You are SUCH a bitch! And I say that with love.

    Bring on the dessert fork. Bitches love dessert forks.

    1. Ditto, Misty. Ditto. Bitches love dessert, and the forks make that a bit more fit for public. :)

    2. Thank God both you bitches stood up for dessert forks so I didn't have to go all bitch-tastic over here.




    1. I love redefining words to make them suit me. :)

  6. Hurray for the bitches of the world. I'm a crazy bitch and proud. :)

    1. I just did a high kick (in my mind) in honor of you!

  7. I am a proud bitch. I wear it like a fabulous pair of Jimmy Choo's. Fuck what they told ya, Bitches UNITE! Let's get some shit done!

    Much love - GREAT post!

    Momma O

  8. First of all, I love the design of your blog. I mean, I DID NOT see it coming and I love it because I am a big fan of the big surprise bitch slap! I've been called a lot of names in my life too, mostly weak, pansy-ass insult names delivered by creatively challenged weaklings. This only encouraged the bitch in me to come out fighting, so hey, thanks all you name callers and you know what else is a bitch? Curses, that's what.