Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Why you gotta do me like that, March?

The month of March is upon us. Here in Colorado, we have had two (or three? I can't remember) snow storms this month and it is supposed to be 70 degrees on Friday.  I know that people like to speak of Lions and Lambs, but let's call a spade a dirty shovel. The month of March is a fickle little bitch.

March, to me and any person that suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (otherwise known as, "Fuck this. Let's move to Florida"), is what a beautiful, buxom 20 year old girl wearing a chastity belt is to a sailor on leave. It's a tease.

Here I am, pathetically praying for sun and warmth and green, while March is flipping me the bird and whipping snowballs at my head.

In a desperate quest for positivity, I will make a list of all the things that I LOVE about March.

What Johi Loves About the Month of March:

  1. Soup.

I love soup. I love making soup and eating soup and smelling soup. That's all I could come up with, you guys.

Let me try again.

What Johi Doesn't Loathe About the Month of March:

  1. St. Patrick's Day, which is the one day of the year that it is socially acceptable to wear my violently green leisure suit in public.
  2. The occasional gentle, lamb-like days outside, which I feverishly embrace after four straight months of feeling TRAPPED in a glass cage of emotion my cluttered, hair covered, tiny toy box of a house.
  3. Daylight Saving Time, because it is light later, which reminds me of summer and flowers and grilling and backyard BBQ's, which, in turn, makes my feelings of hibernation start to slowly subside. Plus I can walk Red Dog after Brock gets home from work instead of before the motherflipping sun has broken over the horizon.
  4. It is still boot season, and boots complete me.
  5. No bugs and no snakes. See? Look at me with all this positivity! I'm rocking this shit!
  6. ....
  7. I'm done. This is officially an empty well.

So, to help you all get through the rest of March, may I gently suggest that you find a really good book to read. Oh! What's this? A REALLY GREAT BOOK! And I wrote part of it!

Hurry- click on the links below and purchase one for yourself and every parent that you know! This is a great Mother's Day gift! This book will make any gifts-required-but-no-alcohol-will-be-served event tolerable, even that "OMG, this is her third kid and she's having a baby shower?" extravaganza. This book would make an EXCELLENT selection for your next book club meeting! It will make you laugh and cry and laugh some more.

*I Just Want to Pee Alone is available for purchase in paperback book and for your Kindle at Amazon . It is available for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch on itunes. It is available for your Nook (I think) at I'm available for celebratory drinks and/or dinner pretty much any evening.

Peace, Love and Creepy Leprechauns,


  1. The month of March IS a fickle little bitch in states like Colorado and Minnesota. That's my new March slogan. Put it on a tee shirt. It was 34° here and sunny today and I drove around with the windows down. I did. I'm considering painting my toenails later in the week. Just to be prepared.

    1. Today I'm in a skirt and sandals on my patio, squinting into my computer because the sun is so bright. My neighbors are squinting from the glare from my pasty white legs.

      I've had my toenails painted in preparation for sandals since .... November? I've even redone them a few times! Ha!

  2. Mmmmm, soup.

    It's fickle here as well. It is SUCH a tease. This past weekend, it actually got sunny and warmish (50's/60) for a brief spell, making people start to make plans to walk with their son every day after work since it is still light out. Then today and yesterday? 30's. And it's supposed to be rainy and cold the next 5 days. So much for THAT plan. Come on April . . . hurry up and show your face!

  3. So apparently I have no excuse for NOT buying this book... No arm-twisting necessary.
    Visit Texas to get out of your slump. I opened all of the windows yesterday and aired the house out. Stop cursing at me, you shall have your vengeance in August when it's 110 degrees (1,110 degrees with the humidity) and my light bill is $300.

    1. I would so love to visit Texas right now! Three of the ladies in this book with me are from TX and I think that celebratory margs are in order!

    2. If that happens I WANT TO BE THERE. If you ladies are this funny sober, I can't imagine the antics involved in a margarita party.