This Just In: Nurse Mommy Laughs LOVES Larry the Cable Guy!
Welcome to the first installment of TMI Fridays!
Today's victim is Stacey Hatton of Nurse Mommy Laughs. Stacey is a co-contributor of the wildly popular book I Just Want to Pee Alone. Her essay, titled "Elite Grocery Store Mom's Club", can be found on page 121. She's a Kansassian (Kansasonian? uh... she's from Kansas), a mom of two girls, a humorist, a character actor, a former nurse and a lover of Matt Damon. She's also blond and has suffered from five head injuries. The two of us connected in that way that only blonds with multiple head injuries can.
This interview was conducted by phone, which contributed to the foul direction it took. The lesson here is that I am not to be trusted during "normal" conversation. Apparently, neither is Stacey. I love her humor, her mid-western roots and her beautiful butter-toned speaking voice. Seriously, she could moonlight as a phone sex operator.
Sing me a song, sweet Stacey, while I use your melodious voice to butter my toast.
That sounded way dirtier in print than it did in my head.
Johi: So, you were a nurse! Tell me about your most horrifying or hilarious experience.
Stacey: I have so many stories that fall under those categories.... *thinking thinking* I was a pediatric nurse. Once there was an emergent situation where a child stopped breathing. The mother called for me and I sprinted into the room. There was a cot (that the mother had been sleeping on) in front of me and I stepped on it en route to the child. When I did, the cot folded up on me. I was stuck in the mattress, sandwiched like a slab of ham between two pieces of bread. More screaming commenced and more nurses came running to revive the child, which they thankfully succeeded in doing. All the while, I was watching... trapped in a cot... helpless.
Johi: When and why did you start writing and blogging?
Stacey: My first child was a full term stillborn. I was so incredibly depressed that I couldn't go back to work. I was always a person who found laughter to be the best medicine, and I needed to find that healing humor again. Writing was a cathartic outlet for me. I started to journal online. Then I was lucky enough to get a job writing a humor column for the Kansas City Star. Now I get the best of both worlds: I'm finding humor in life and through that, helping others laugh as well.
Johi: This is a fun little game I play. It's called "Marry, Fuck or Kill". I'm going to give you a list of three people and you have to put one in each category. Here are your choices: Pope Francis, Einstein, and Justin Bieber. GO!
Stacey: Ummm.... the choices are limited.
Johi: Aren't they? That's the beauty of the game!
Stacey: I would like Matt Damon as an option.
Johi: Oh yeah. Me too. But sorry, no Matt.
Stacey: Okay. Kill: Justin Bieber. Marry: Einstein. Fuck: Pope Francis. I would like to tarnish a pope... make him hang up his pope hat (on my bed post).
Johi: What is your favorite food to eat and would you eat it in front of Matt Damon?
Stacey: Ice Cream. But I would eat anything OFF of Matt Damon.
Johi: Do you think it is sexier to eat ice cream off a spoon or from a cone?
Stacey: Off his cone. I mean, from a cone.
Johi: I live with a cat, two dogs, and three males. My house is filthy and I'm exhausted. How much would you charge to clean my house and make me dinner?
Stacey: Clothed or naked?
Johi: Either way. Price it out.
Stacey: Clothed: My rate is $150,000. Naked from the waist up: $200. Extra for tassels.
Johi: Tassels could be helpful for dusting.
Stacey: Like Swiffer tassels.
Johi: I think we just invented something AWESOME.
Stacey: We should have a three way....call.
Johi: Who is the third party? Matt Damon?
Johi: Oh yeah.
Stacey: You bring the ice cream.
Johi: Not including your own, which is your favorite essay in I Just Want to Pee Alone and why?
Stacey: I laughed the loudest at the passive aggressive "Parenting is Taboo" from Bethany Meyers (I Love Them Most When They're Sleeping).
Johi: That one was really funny.
I told my kids that I was conducting an interview and they wanted to ask you some questions as well.
From Thing 1 (my five year old): Which race car from Cars is your favorite?
Stacey: Mater, the tow truck.
Johi: He's a tow truck. Not a race car. But I'll give it to you since you have girls.
Stacey: Don't tell anyone, but I really like Larry the Cable Guy. I'm a little ashamed of that.
Johi: I like him too. I can't help myself. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
Now for my little guy's question. He's two and I call him Thing 2: I WIKE RED CANDY!
Stacey: My Munchkin 2 like red fruit treats.
You can read Stacey's essay in I Just Want to Pee Alone by simply clicking here. For only a few dollars, you can have hours of laughter and happiness. You won't be sorry.