Friday, March 1, 2013

This Is Why I Need Ginkgo Biloba.

Everyone forgets things.

It happens every day. People forget where they put their keys or their wallet. People forget whether or not they turned off the coffee pot. People forget how old they are...


It is normal to be listening to Pandora radio on you smart phone and suddenly need to make a call. You commence in a one handed panicky search because you forgot that you are holding your phone, the very phone you are desperately searching for, with the other hand.

It is standard human error to scour the house for your glasses, only to find them hanging around your neck, perched on top of your head, or sometimes even on your face.

It is not uncommon to forget to take your Ginkgo Biloba pills that are supposed to help your memory, because.... what was I saying?

However, most people that are working towards a specific goal don't forget that they actually reached that goal.

Let me explain.

I've been so wrapped up in the children's book that I illustrated, writing an original essay for the new book that I am part of and suffering from every seasonal illness in the Northern United States that I forgot that I was published in a book in December.


What kind of MORON forgets something like that?

^ This one ^

^ This one, too. ^
This is why I need help. Well, this and so so many other reasons.
Here is the book. You should buy it. Bex is in it with me, and her writing is so funny that I cannot make it through one post without snort-laugh-crying. Not one. Which reminds me of a letter that I have been wanting to write to Becky:
Dear Becky,
How are you? I am fine. (I started every letter of my youth with these two sentences. I was clearly a brilliant writer from the start.)
For the love of all this is right in the world, please keep writing! WE NEED YOUR FUNNY! Your humor may very well be the key to that elusive "World Peace" that people, leprechauns and robots keep talking about.
Now, get yer buns over to 'Merica! And bring me the Unicorn Head that you promised me so that we can finally wild stride together.
Also, I look forward to smelling your hair.
Peace, Love and Long Uncomfortable Hugs,
May I gently suggest that you get thyself over to Amazon and buy No Laughing Allowed (Life Well Blogged)? You can even get it for your Kindle! You can even buy me a Kindle and I will buy it for my Kindle! Whatever works for you! The proceeds are going to Sandy Relief. (Do you see how late to the party I am?) 
I feel like I am forgetting to tell you all something else... where did I leave my coffee? 
Did someone say waffles?
I think it was Red Dog...

 Yum, waffles....


  1. No lie, not 10 minutes ago I walked into the laundry room, got there, stopped, wondered what the hell I was doing in there, remembered "Aha! Clorox Wipes!", put the cap back on the bottle of TIDE, and walked out. Without Clorox Wipes.
    However, I'm pretty positive forgetting you were already published trumps that! Gingko up.
    ;) m.

    1. Oh, you and I might be related!
      I think I need more sleep. And a vacation (without my precious treasures). ;P

  2. Hah! I am like a level 7 wizard at forgetting things. I forget where I'm going when I'm halfway to work, think I need to stop at the store, take a big detour, and then realize I'm going to be late for work, and then realize I don't know where I am on a regular basis.

    Also? Just out of high school, I forgot to go take the ACT test before I got in to college. They made me take it mid semester because I technically didn't actually get in to school without the actual test scores.

    1. You and I should make another coffee date soon so that we can both forget that we made a date.

  3. Yesterday I had one of those crazy dreams where I was running late for work and woke up in a panic. I haven't worked at that place in my dream for over 10 years, but when I woke up, I couldn't figure out where I was. Did I need to go to work`? Was that a dream? Am I dreaming now?

    I was wide awake and could not figure out what reality was for almost 10 minutes. I felt ridiculous later in the day when I realized how mixed up I was.

  4. I had a messed up dream last night too. Must be the moon. I've been awake since 3am. Woohoo!

  5. Dear Johi,

    I love you mad hard lady! I will be back on the blog soon. Seriously just trying to find some time & inspiration. I haven't done anything stupid funny lately that feels worthy of documentation but i can tell you that I am being stalked by a special needs man called Gavin. No lie.

    I've started drinking green tea. It tastes like fermented ball sac. But Blake says its good for me. I so don't trust that guy.

    Also, as I type this, the tide is out in the marina outside my house & all I can smell is what can only be likened to the corpse of a rotting tiger shark mixed with sulphur farts. It's bad.

    I have to breath that air. God dam ocean.

    I hope life in the Antarctic cold Colorado winter is treating you & your fine men folk well (notice how that makes you should like you have many many hot husbands. Go you!)

    Loves from your wild striding sister wife, Becky K Delport x

    1. See? Look at what you wrote here? I'm dying.
      I am also going to require a story about Gavin.

      My men are fine- they all like to leave their dirty socks wadded up in random places for me to find. It's really special- probably my favorite thing ever. I also had the misfortune of looking behind the couch the other day. Apparently it has become a storage area of sorts for Thing 2. I'm scared to look back there again.

      I hope your air clears up. I would share some of this fresh mountain air with you if I could!

      Love- J-ho

  6. I spent five minutes looking for my phone WHILE I WAS TALKING ON IT this week, and I put the milk away in the microwave, but I'm pretty sure I would never forget that I had been published! I want to congratulate you, but I'm afraid you won't even remember!

    1. ahh! It is good to know that I am not alone!

  7. Congrats!

    And I pretty much forget where I put my keys every day. Don't feel bad.