Yes, I know it's Saturday. It was a long week.
Today's installment of the wildly popular TMI Fridays is Tracy Winslow from Momaical. Tracy is a published author (I Just Want to Pee Alone), a mother, and a Jane of All Trades. She has a luxurious speaking voice and insanely quick wit, which landed her a job as a radio DJ. She then made the natural transition to an Audit Executive (What? Did someone say waffles?Zzzzzzz) and went on to teaching a 4th Grade Spanish Immersion Program. She next taught high school Spanish, then moved into the highly lucrative position as a SAHM and blogger. In short, this velvet voiced hooker can do anything. She's smart, she's no nonsense, she's funny and she speaks so quickly that two of my ink pens lit on fire while trying to take notes.
Her tagline is quite possibly the best on the internet: I'm trying my best not to raise a flock of assholes. In her own words regarding parenting her daughters, "As long as they aren't in jail or stripping, it's a win."
Seriously, isn't that the heart of parenting? We all just hope to churn out spawn that actually benefit society. Or ones that will at least put their own dirty dishes in the motherflippin' dishwasher...
Tracy and I distracted our children with
Johi: Is being a SAHM everything you thought it would be?
Tracy: I never thought that I would be a SAHM. We moved to California for my husband's job and I sort of fell into the position by default. I thought there would time for workouts and crafts and.... NO. Unless high anxiety equals cardio.
Johi: I hope so, because if so, I'm conditioned for the next Tough Mudder in Guam. When and why did you start writing?
Tracy: I was posting anecdotes on facebook and friends and family kept encouraging me to write a blog. I didn't even know what a blog was. I never understood why it was hard for people to write. You just sit down and write. Sometimes it comes out great and other times it seems like you took horse tranquilizers for breakfast.
Humor is my defensive armor. I can't stop it.
Johi: * horse tranquilizers... maybe that is what is wrong with me...*
Now is where we play one of my favorite games called Would You Rather! Would You Rather... get into a white cargo van with a man in a clown suit or make out with Andy Dick?
Tracy: That's not fair.
Johi: I know.
Tracy: Clowns and white vans are creepy, but Andy Dick?
Johi: I know. This game's a bitch, huh?
Tracy: I would get into the van with Simon Baker in a clown costume.
Johi: Would You Rather be stuck in traffic for 3 hours in 112 degree heat with a broken AC or have your hand forcibly put on Naked Cowboy's ass?
Tracy: I have had my hand on Naked Cowboy's ass. He put it there for me.
Johi: Good Gawd, me too! It was awful. I'm so glad I was drunk.
Tracy: I was not drunk because I was working as a radio DJ when it happened. But it was horrifying. He is stinky, creepy and greasy.
Johi: I like Greazy with a 'z'. He must have a thing for his own ass. Ew.
So, speaking of asses, what part of your 20 year old body do you miss the most?
Tracy: My stomach. I hated it. I have long legs and a short torso and I thought that my abs looked like a whoopie cushion. Now it looks like a tiger attacked it and I would give anything to have that whoopie cushion back.
Johi: How would you describe your style aesthetic?
Tracy: Clothing: Preppy Plaid Nerd. Home: OMG, Pottery Barn puked in here. Mental: Jackson Pollock picture; a hot mess.
Johi: On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being John Wayne and 10 being Perez Hilton, how gay are you?
Tracy: I'm no John Wayne. A seven.
Johi: Which essay from I Just Want to Pee Alone is your favorite and why?
Tracy: Meredith Spidel's, "Love, Tears and a Few Scattered Ashes", It is so irreverent; how to find the humor in the hideous.
Johi: I forgot my last question because I'm totally professional.
Is there anything else that you would like people to know about you?
Tracy: I just try to find humor in all things. Abject humiliation of life. No bragging, no lamenting.
Johi: That's awesome. I'm just trying to find my brain. My friend told me that the mom fog wears off when the kids reach seven. My littlest one is almost three, so... how many years do I have left?
Tracy: I don't know. I gave up math for Lent.
Lent is almost over, Tracy! I'm going to need you to get back to me on that!
Check out Tracy's hilarious blog here and follow her on facebook here and buy I Just Want to Pee Alone here! Read The Cotton Floozy's Review of our book HERE! You won't be disappointed!