Thursday, January 3, 2013

New Year, Old Blog, Older Me, New Focus

I have a confession.

I'm boring the crap out of myself.

If I feel that way, I can't imagine how all of you must feel about me. This is where I should apologize, but I don't want to say "I'm sorry". Because that feels lame... and like I've submitted to something. Besides, submission really isn't my thing... ask anyone who knows me.

I've been thinking a lot about why this lackluster performance is happening. (The flu/parenthood/lack of sleep) After a lot of introspection and volleying thoughts in my head,(I blame the Presidential election) I have come to a conclusion. I'm trying too hard to grow- you know, as a human adult. (I just want someone to send me a certificate in the mail saying, "Johanna Kokjohn-Wagner has completed the work to earn her the privilege of being an actual grown-up" Then I can frame it and hang it on my wall. Later I can stand in the street and yell "Look MOM! LOOK DAD! I'm a grown up now!) I'm trying too hard to not turn my life, my very being, into a clown act for other people to laugh at. (I'm NOT a clown! I don't even LIKE clowns! Except Rodeo Clowns, I tend to like them...) I'm trying to take more responsibilities for my own actions; to be in the driver seat of my own life instead of hanging onto the "OH SHIT!" handles in a car someone else is navigating (over a cliff). I'm trying to be a motherfucking functioning person in society, people! All of this personal growth and accepting of responsibility is why, after many prayers, thought and some hard liquor, I have decided to blame Sarah and Erin for moving away and taking my sense of humor with them.

But seriously, I miss those women. They are some funny bitches and I feel like my glowing personality is enhanced by their presence. I love you both. Hard. I'm dull without you. Come visit me, please. We can all get together and blame our parents/spouses/the economy/the asshole driver in the roundabout/clowns for our screw ups. It'll be great!

After talking about this all with Sarah on the phone today, she helped me form a plan. HEY YOU GUYS! I HAVE AN ACTUAL PLAN! Don't worry, I'm sure I'll continue to write shit that will entertain you. Well, maybe not YOU, but someone. Most likely it will be someone that is a socially malfunctioning mental case who is not currently in the care of a health professional. I'm not judging. It's the Internet! All kinds are welcome here! But I digress...

So, Sarah+Johi+phone= making fun of people who wear fuzzy pj pants to the school drop off an exciting new direction for my blog. I'm going to be using 2013 to serve up some tasty and some probably-not-so-savory morsels of my past. I'll be writing about what makes me... me. I'll be digging up memories, memories that may or may not even be true, that helped create this hot mess of a glorious, not-clown-like person that calls herself Johi. I'll be sharing stories about how small and large events shaped me, changed my life or changed the life of another. It should be interesting. Hopefully, it will be entertaining. I'm pretty sure that it will be funny. I think it will keep me inspired to write. And maybe, just maybe, we will all learn a little something about ourselves. Gasp! Or maybe you'll feel sorry for me and offer me a job with flexible hours, an amazing salary and incredible benefits. Either way, I have a new found enthusiasm for this blog... and enthusiasm ends with 'asm'... and I like some other things that end in 'asm".

Like sarcasm.

What were you thinking?

So everyone buckle up, grab the "Oh SHIT!" handle and prepare yourself for a bumpy ride, because I'm driving this truck into uncharted territory.

To Be Continued.....



  1. Rodeo Clowns are WAY better than real clowns because real clowns are creepy sociopaths. And I can't wait to read what makes you YOU! :)

    1. I always knew that I liked you Bridget, but our shared opinion of clowns really solidifies that for me. And thanks- I'm excited too. Although I'm bound to drudge up some old stuff that I shoved under the rug years ago. Let the adventure begin! If only I weren't showing the signs of early onset dementia....

  2. Stories about what makes Johi tick? Hellz yeah, I'm on board. Let's drive off this cliff together, girl.

    1. I'll be Thelma and you be Louise... or the other way around. I like them both!


    Bring it, girlfriend!

  4. Any type of clown is bad. Don't let them distract you with the whole "I'm being chased by bulls" thing!! They're still up to no good!

    Can't wait to real all the awesome!



    1. Haha! I'm hoping to pull a lot of awesome out of my decaying brain this year! Only time will tell...