I'm boring the crap out of myself.
If I feel that way, I can't imagine how all of you must feel about me. This is where I should apologize, but I don't want to say "I'm sorry". Because that feels lame... and like I've submitted to something. Besides, submission really isn't my thing... ask anyone who knows me.
I've been thinking a lot about why this lackluster performance is happening. (The flu/parenthood/lack of sleep) After a lot of introspection and volleying thoughts in my head,(I blame the Presidential election) I have come to a conclusion. I'm trying too hard to grow- you know, as a human adult. (I just want someone to send me a certificate in the mail saying, "Johanna Kokjohn-Wagner has completed the work to earn her the privilege of being an actual grown-up" Then I can frame it and hang it on my wall. Later I can stand in the street and yell "Look MOM! LOOK DAD! I'm a grown up now!) I'm trying too hard to not turn my life, my very being, into a clown act for other people to laugh at. (I'm NOT a clown! I don't even LIKE clowns! Except Rodeo Clowns, I tend to like them...) I'm trying to take more responsibilities for my own actions; to be in the driver seat of my own life instead of hanging onto the "OH SHIT!" handles in a car someone else is navigating (over a cliff). I'm trying to be a motherfucking functioning person in society, people! All of this personal growth and accepting of responsibility is why, after many prayers, thought and some hard liquor, I have decided to blame Sarah and Erin for moving away and taking my sense of humor with them.
But seriously, I miss those women. They are some funny bitches and I feel like my glowing personality is enhanced by their presence. I love you both. Hard. I'm dull without you. Come visit me, please. We can all get together and blame our parents/spouses/the economy/the asshole driver in the roundabout/clowns for our screw ups. It'll be great!
After talking about this all with Sarah on the phone today, she helped me form a plan. HEY YOU GUYS! I HAVE AN ACTUAL PLAN! Don't worry, I'm sure I'll continue to write shit that will entertain you. Well, maybe not YOU, but someone. Most likely it will be someone that is a socially malfunctioning mental case who is not currently in the care of a health professional. I'm not judging. It's the Internet! All kinds are welcome here! But I digress...
What were you thinking?
So everyone buckle up, grab the "Oh SHIT!" handle and prepare yourself for a bumpy ride, because I'm driving this truck into uncharted territory.
To Be Continued.....