Saturday, December 15, 2012

Looking for the Light

After the abhorrent events in Connecticut yesterday, I struggle with what to make of the black hole of emotions that I am experiencing. It is all just. Too. Much. While it is true that I sheltered my children from the horrifying news, I failed to distance myself. As a mother, a US citizen, and a human being, the fact that crimes like this, particularly on precious children, are still being committed in our "progressive society" makes me fearful, angry, ashamed, and epically mournful. It is exceedingly difficult to not have a knee- jerk reaction to such a terrifying event. What was even more difficult, was to read the knee-jerk reactions, finger pointing, hate and blame that was taking place on the Internet. While I will not deny a person their right to their own feelings, I personally think that so many people are truly missing the mark here.

No one can bring back any of these innocent people that lost their lives in this criminal act of violence. No political message will change the events that already occurred in Connecticut. No group or organization can shoulder the blame of the actions of one person, as each of us, individually, make up our society. Period.

We, as individuals, are responsible for our own actions. We, as individuals, are responsible for the things that we say and do. We, as individuals, are responsible for the way that we treat others. We, as individuals, are the ONLY ones capable of improving ourselves, learning, and growing as humans. We, as individuals, are creating our society. 

Today, I am acknowledging that I am human. I am looking hard at my flaws. I am making a plan to fix them. I'm heading towards the door that opens to love and acceptance and I'm closing the door on hate and revenge. I am telling people in my life that I love them and I am praying for peace for all humankind.

I will start with this admission. I'm a yeller. I grew up with yeller. I hated being yelled at, yet I yell at the people that I love the most. I'm sure it's because I'm frustrated and I don't think that I'm being heard (and I'm not, I assure you), but that doesn't matter. I should not yell. I stood at the bookstore the other day, looking at a book called Peaceful Parent. Happy Child- How to stop yelling and start loving... or something like that. My hand hovered over it, yet instead I grabbed a comedy book so that I could laugh. Guess what? I'm not laughing. Sweeping your problems under the rug is not the same as fixing them. I'm going back to the bookstore and I'm buying myself that book, because I am responsible for my actions and I don't want to raise another angry yeller. Today, I am taking ownership of myself and the impact that I have on society.

My desire in writing this is that each of you look at yourself, and ask yourself some questions. Are you being a person that you want to be around? Are you living your life from the perspective of love? Are you giving enough to those around you? Are you helping people? Are you leading by example or are you stuck in an old, ugly pattern? Are you being the best person you can be?

My guess is that we can all do a little bit better, and in turn, create a better world in which we live.

Share some of your love today.

Peace, Love and Hope,
Johi

7 comments:

  1. Perfect post. I wished you lived closer so we could both yell at each other to stop yelling so much.

    It has all been "too much" this week, hasn't it?

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    1. Yes, it has. And this comment made me laugh. So thank you.

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  2. I love this! I need that book too, btw. Maybe I can borrow when you are done? lol No, seriously, I needed to read this today. Need to stay off FB for a while as I just want to rip into some people but as you point out, that would sooo not help. Hugging you from across town. XOXO

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    1. I still need to go and get the book. :( But when I do, you can definitely borrow it!

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  3. I grew up in a yelling house too. I used to be a huge yeller until I realized how disrespectful I was being. Why did I do that to people I loved and strangers the same? Both deserve my respect as human beings.

    It took me a LONG time (maybe 7 years) but I was able to kick the habit. Good luck to you!! It's hard but you can do it.

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    1. I only yell after I have already spoken something calmly at least three times. Usually strangers don't get to experience my charm. And I simply point my first finger at bad drivers. I think you would be impressed with my massive restraint.

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  4. I like that - the take ownership part. I have been told that my leadership style is "constructive ridicule." It always worked for me in NY, but now that I live in NV, I think it makes people uncomfortable. I'll work on that. Love to your family. I'm an occasional visitor to your blog. I like it. We have different politics, but I love how crazy you are for your kids and that you are funny. It makes me happy.

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