Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Finding Your People

One of my favorite quotes from Oscar Wilde~
"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."

The first time I heard that line, I laughed out loud. As a person who bores easily, I completely understand this sentiment . As a butthole who loves to make gross stereotypes, I find this way of dividing people not only gratifying, but also whimsical and slightly devilish.

A while back I had drinks with some lovely friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. We started talking about our busy lives and how difficult it is to find the time to clean the ceiling fan- wait that is just me maintain friendships. We had this conversation under a thin, socially acceptable guise, as we all knew that two of the women at the table talk on a daily basis, just as I have a handful of people that I chat with almost every day. Even though I adore both of these women and consider them friends, they are not in the innermost center of my circle. This fact is not loaded with harsh feelings or judgements, it is merely the truth.

As our conversation progressed, one of my friends expressed concern with some of the relationships in her life. We all listened and nodded knowingly as she described something that each of us had personally experienced. I thought for a moment, then I said, "I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone has 'their people'. It doesn't mean that you aren't a good friend or a good person, it's just that people find others who best understand them and stick with those folks. It's easier for everyone that way."

Then I proceeded to tell them how "my people" laugh at inappropriate things and get through life's hardships by finding the humor in every situation. As much as I love being around a diverse herd, my adolescent boy's sense of humor and lack of filter occasionally makes integrating difficult for me. My gut reaction is often to crack a joke, offer up a multiple choice answer or snort at something instead of offering consolation. I'll just say it; I suck at solace. I'd rather get you drunk, try on stupid hats, make you laugh, distract you with quotes from "Mean Girls" and help you burn pictures of your ex husband/wife. I can also redecorate your living room, help you write the Match.com profile or take you shopping for a new wardrobe, as I have been gifted with special talents in those areas as well.

Unfortunately, many of "my people" have migrated to new scenery. In the past few years I have lost my wise, witty and wonderful bestie to San Francisco; my smart, sexy and sassy soul mate to Estes Park; one most crafty, charismatic and comical Sarah to Iowa; and one genuine, state of the art, original funny lady by the name of Erin to New Jersey. Don't cry for me, I have found more of "my people" here (and I always keep spare Erin's and Sarah's in a box under my bed); but no one can replace those fuckers that keep relocating. Damn it, you people. Don't you know that YOU are MY PEOPLE!

But really, I miss your faces and please come and visit. I promise I'll clean all of that crap and Smelly Cat out of the spare room so that you can sleep there.

I do have a point here, I promise...

To all of you who are struggling with relationships, don't worry about it (unless you are just a giant, raging asshole- then you should really fix that). Just be yourself, find "your people", continue being yourself around those people that make you happy, and enjoy your life. Don't misunderstand my sage advice, this doesn't mean that you can't make friends with folks outside of your comfort zone. In fact, I highly recommend befriending someone unusual from your normal scene, as those are generally the sorts who can teach you all of those pesky lessons that we are here to learn about ourselves and others. Blah blah blah.



"To know thyself is to know thy people." ~Johi

or

"To know thy people is to know thyself." ~Johi

or

"I like fart jokes, y tu`?" ~Johi

You pick!
Rock on, "my people".



Peace, Love and Social Acceptance through Scrupulous Selection,
Johi





~Do you recognize "your people"? Who are they?












28 comments:

  1. You, Bex, Liz and Misty are my People. I love you mad hard, woman! xoxo

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    1. Oh, you are on my list too, Jen. Too bad that we don't live in the same town!

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  2. Love and miss you lady. XOXO Thank the holy grail for boxes of extras under the bed!

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  3. Most of My People are internet friends that my husband mocks, calling them my "BFFs I couldn't pick out of a crowd of two". He's kind of an asshole sometimes, and doesn't get how hard it is to find People when you are a crazy bitch. harumph.

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    1. I just randomly start cracking jokes in a crowd and wait to see who laughs. Then I go and stand by that person.

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  4. What Jen said. I so wish you bitches weren't so far away. P.S Yes I know, the award for this months most suck ass blogger goes to me. I haven't posted in ages!! Im buried balls deep in bullshit Johi. AKA work. Love you x

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    1. No one is judging you. I'm right behind you in line for that award. I assume people realize that we all have lives offline. Love you too!

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  5. I have found it so difficult to find those "people." since I moved from Denver to Oakland. I have met a few great people, but almost all have them have or are in the process of moving away. I guess this is the nature of the bay area. Personally, I find it exhausting. These days making friends is a huge time investment, and as a mama to three time doesn't grow on trees :)Finding friends, only to lose them a year later to a cross country move is so discouraging. Wow. Aren't I Debbie Downer today? Hurumph.

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    1. I hope that you get to move back to Denver soon! Sorry!!!!

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  6. Oh the "people." This post made me sad. I'm one of the fuckers who had a wonderful herd of people around me that I loved dearly and got me and then I moved half way around the world. I can't tell you how hard I miss them. I guess the point is, once you find people, keep up with them even if life shuffles you around bit. You may find new people to be around, but your people miss you and you will probably miss your people. Good ones are hard to find and you never know when life will bring you back around.

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    1. I agree. I am thankful for texting and facebook- both really help with keeping in touch!

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  7. I've lost many of my people to moves, too. SUCKS. Yet I've found some new peeps in my 'hood and apparently right here in the blogosphere. Fart jokes rule.

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    1. Woot woot! Here's to finding new people and old fart jokes!

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  8. If you've never farted in a cup then handed it to a friend asking them "does this smell funny to you?", you probably can't deal with me.

    And while farting in a cup at the age of 30 is funny, it is not very English. I don't think my people exist in this country. Well, if they do, I certainly have not met them. So sad.

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    1. I read this comment while drinking coffee. In hindsight, that was a bad idea. So. Freaking. Funny.

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  9. That is brilliant brilliant sage and oregano advice! You will find your people or they will find you. And if this is happening, RELAX. You don't need to force friendships. Basically there I just resaid what you said. Because it is the morning. That is explanation enough.

    You is mah people, Johi!

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    1. "If this ISN'T happening." Is morning! Bwah! A-booga booga!

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    2. I am also only mildly awake because it is morning and I totally followed your thyme and rosemary advice. You is mah peeps, too, Flooze.

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  10. Ah yes, the People. I had very few people who really got me, until I met y'all. I'm talking about this crazy blogging community, where people come to be their insane selves and connect with other crazies. Thems ma peeps! I just think that if I had never started blogging, I would have never known of the existence of you fab ladies (and gents) out there in the world. The only sad thing is that everyone is so spread out and far away, but at least we get to connect online. And the occassional trip to NYC. ;) Love you all!

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    1. Blogging has definitely indtroduced me to more of my people too! It is so good to know that there are more of "our kind" out there! Chicago 2013? Yeah!

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  11. I love My People. I adore a lot of other people, too. People I can laugh with and eat dinner with and even spend time one on one with... I have many of those. But I only have Three Special My People. And I wouldn't trade them for the world! They "get" me. All of me. And that's pretty damn awesome.

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    1. That is indeed awesome! As are you, my lady.

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  12. I have to agree. I have a lot of friends, but only a few that really get me. MY PEOPLE. We are usually the ones getting kicked out of movie theaters and asked to quiet down at restaurants.

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  13. Because I love you so hard...

    http://www.flyingplatypi.com/2012/10/rudimentary-trophy-for-outstanding.html

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  14. Love it! Moving to a new city I've been on a quest to find "my people" and I've been pretty lucky so far. I've had some duds, some "fast friends" that I adore and then can't stand after about a month but that just makes it that much more special when I find MY people"
    http://interventionista.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/breaking-up-with-peter-pan/

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  15. I love Oscar Wilde. His flippant I one liners are so true. My people are usually animal loving, open minded people who tolerate my endless refrain of "I read this research study that found..."

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  16. I love Oscar Wilde. His flippant I one liners are so true. My people are usually animal loving, open minded people who tolerate my endless refrain of "I read this research study that found..."

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