Sunday, October 28, 2012

Conversations with children

Admittedly, most of our conversations around here lately have something to do with the upcoming holidays. When I say 'holidays', I am mainly referring to Halloween. Yet Thing 1 is an observant young boy and he cannot help but notice all the Christmas that is infiltrating our world via store displays and catalogs. He wants to think about Frankenstein and Ghouls, but occasionally Santa creeps into our conversations. He is also very confused about where Thanksgiving fits into the grand scheme of Events That We Decorate For In The Wagner Household. Unfortunately, I don't have any convincing answers for him so I choose to distract the children with sudden bouts of singing my weird,off key version of The Monster Mash while dancing around the kitchen like a double jointed scarecrow. For extra emphasis, and to complete the manic enthusiasm for all things Holiday, Thing 2 toddles around and randomly yells "PUNKIN PATCH" with great volume and frequency.



Here are some of our other recent conversations:

The other day Thing 1 and I were having a chat about food. Thing 2, as usual, was parroting everyone.

Me: If you want to grow up to be like Daddy you need to eat those vegetables!

Thing 2: Daddee need to eat Vejebals!

Thing 1: Because Daddy is big and strong?

Thing 2: Daddee beeg an strang?

Me: Yes!

Thing 1: So Daddy's are big and strong and they go to work?

Thing 2: Daddee at work?

Me: Errr.... yes.

Me: So if Daddy's are big and strong and they go to work, what are Mommy's?

Thing 1: Mommy's are little and tiny and they clean stuff!

Me: .....

At least he thinks I'm little.

A few days later Thing 1 runs into my art studio/spare room/library/Brock's closet/my private dance studio.

Thing 1: I'm going to be a farmer when I grow up!

Me: Awesome, buddy!

Thing 1: Are you going to be sad when I grow up and move to my farm?

Me, kissing hid head: Well, yeah! Of course I will. Can't I just keep you this size forever?

Thing 1: No, I'm gonna grow up. But you can come and live with my on my farm!

Me: Really? What will I do there? (fully thinking that he was going to tell me that I could clean for him)

Thing 1: You can ride my combine with me!

Be still my heart.

Tonight, Brock and I sat at the dinner table and tried to convince Thing 1 to wear one of the FOUR costumes that he already possesses for Halloween. He decided two days ago that he wanted to be Frankenstein. Frankenstein is not one of the four costumes already in our possession.

Me: How about you be a pirate? You are an AWESOME pirate!

Thing 1: Can you paint a scar on my face?

Thing 2: Hot? Yummy!

Me: Of course! I'll even give you a goatee and put black around your eyes, just like Captain Jack Sparrow! I'll show you a picture of him!

Brock: Can't we just show him Pirates of the Caribbean?

Me: ....
Brock: Is he too young?

Me, flatly: He's five.

Brock: Man! That's too bad! He would LOVE that movie! Maybe I could just show him one of the tamer scenes.

Me, raising one eyebrow: Or I could just Google a picture of Captain Jack Sparrow and show him that.

Thing 1, pointing to his cheek: I want the scar to go right here!

Thing 2: French Fries!

Hope you are all gearing up for a fantastic Halloween! I'm going as witch. Again.  The beauty of that character is that I don't even need to dress up (but I will anyway....). *Cackle Cackle!*

~What is your favorite Holiday? Do you dig Halloween? And also, should I try to make Thing 1 a Frankenstein costume when he can be a Pirate, an Astronaut, a Pilot or Count Dracula for FREE?

Note: I have been unable to upload any pictures to this blog for well over a month. I keep getting a "server failed" response, which means that you don't get to see things like my gorgeous sunrises and sunsets and my adorable kids and their adorable ponies and random black lacy bras lying in the gravel path of my local Natural Area. It's a shame. A SHAME! HELP ME. Thank you.


  1. Halloween is my raison d'etre. You have already had a "sneak-peek" at my Katniss Everdeen majesty; on Wednesday my mom (who is the only living human who loves Halloween more than me...maybe) will take more pics of my costume to send to you. Be very afraid.

    Oh, and your children need not teach you anything vis a vis your body image; you are perfect. When I met you at BlogHer, my first thought was literally, "Great, she's just as beautiful and elegant as she is in her blog and oh my CRAP she's going to think I'm this dumpy, stupid dipshit!". . .which I am. . .but whatev. I am just so blessed to have met you and spent time with you and have the honor of calling you my friend. xoxo

    PS: Not sure when this comment went all 'Lifetime Movie of the Week' sappy, but that's kind of how I roll. :)

    1. I cannot WAIT to see the pictures.

      And whatever- beautiful and elegant are NOT words that I use to describe myself. More like pleasantly bitchy and a little gassy... And you, my sister friend, are a hot tamale and so NOT stupid. But I love you for the compliment, nonetheless.

      P.S. I'm getting ready for a month and a half of Hallmark Christmas movies over here. You're just speaking my language.

  2. Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. FAVORITE.

    But I only seem to celebrate it every other year.

    But when else do I get to answer the door, dripping blood and unable to speak because my jaws are glued shut with fun-sized Snickers? (I mean, and NOT have the police called?)

    1. HAhahahahahaha! I am SO bringing the kids to your house to trick or treat!!!

  3. For your pictures, try uploading them to a photo sharing site like Flickr, then link from there. Works for me when I'm not posting from home.

  4. knowing you are a horse Aunt in Nebraska is getting rid of a horse. Lucy is 7 years old, unregistered QH mare, (Poco Doc breeding), dark buckskin. Has had 60 days professional training, but is a bit green due to lack of time. She loves attention, and is very people friendly. Stands well for the farrier. She will be a good mount for someone who can give her lots of trail time. Email me at if you are interested

  5. How did I miss this post. I blame Sandy. For everything, really. It's just so convenient.

    Yeah, my hubs is the same as to the not understanding the age appropriateness of movies for the kids. I've gotta keep a good eye on that one.

    Thing 2 has his priorities straight. French Fries are what it's all about and the only thing that SHOULD be discussed!!

    Oh, and I love Halloween. I even dressed up this year. Let me know if you want me to text you a pic of the fam. I'm not posting it on the blog, natch.