Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Chocolate? Cookie? Yes, please.

I'm working on a "real" post but I wanted to check in and let you all know that Brock and I both survived the stomach flu, even though there were a few shaky moments. We are now both functioning at our normal 54%, although watching the twins on The Bachelor Pad last night probably brought our brain activity down to about 18%.

Emptying your intestines of everything via a stomach virus is sort of like a poor man's colon cleanse. Even though you feel weak and defeated on the outside, your digestive tract is as fresh and clean as that of a baby calf that almost died from severe scours.

So as not to waste a sparkling clean colon, I took the first few days after my special time with the toilet to only eat food that was pure, whole and good for me. Then I branched out very cautiously into the meats and cheese category. Then I sampled some popcorn at Super Target. Then I ate greasy rodeo food. Then I had wine. Then I discovered a sugary. delicious gluten-free phenomenon and all of my careful, health conscious eating was out the window like Smelly Cat clawing a hole through the screen to make himself an escape route that he probably calls "My personalized kitty door because you bastards ignored my meowing again. You should thank me for not shitting in your closet."

Let my introduce you to my little friend.


HOW TO MAKE THIS COOKIE CONCOCTION:
You smear the chocolate on the cookie like THIS,
and then you EAT IT.

I found this BTS Chocolate at my local farmer's market. It is made right here in Ft. Collins by what I guess to be a couple of dirty old hippies. And when I say dirty, I mean their minds are filthyso naturally I will support their business. BTS stands for Better Than Sex and they offer a variety of titillating flavors such as: Sex~presso, Better Than Sex in Half the Time!; OrgasMint, Mmmm-Baby! Come chill me ‘til I melt!;Spank Me and Naughty Nectar. I purchased Original Sin,Come to the Dark Side. (We have Chocolate), a classic dark chocolate. Although it is good on ice cream and right off the spoon, using it as frosting on this crunchy chocolate chip cookie stole not only my heart, but the entire show. One look at my thighs will tell you that I am very familiar with sugary baked goods which is a clear indicator of my expert level of cookie judgement. After years of intense research, I've discovered that I'm typically more in favor of a soft cookie, yet the crunch of this Enjoy Life cookie keeps it quite light yet satisfying. 

The cookies are from Super Target (not yer ordinary Target), which is shocking because, quite frankly, their gluten free selection blows. But, it is SUPER Target, so I have hope for a better gluten free choices in their future. Also, I forgive them because of all of the other awesome shit that they sell.

So go here and buy some chocolate, get your crunchy cookies and find some elastic waist pants because you are in for a par-tay.

Fuck bikini season.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,
Johi

15 comments:

  1. To me, bikini season means basement season, but you probably already guessed that about me. I am glad that you are feeling better!

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    1. I'm glad too. And I'm sorry about your reverse SAD. At least you'll fit in with that vampire guy that was our waiter the other night. I say "vampire guy" because he was wearing vampire teeth. In a nice restaurant. I ordered my steak BLOODy just to impress him. (no, I didn't. I had the salmon)

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    2. Ditch a couple pairs of shoes. ;p

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    3. Oops. That was intended to go down there.

      v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v

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  2. Must. Bring. to BlogHer. The end!

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    Replies
    1. No Room In Suitcase. I Packed Too Much Other Shit.

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  3. You put chocolate on your chocolate chip cookies? I love you.

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    Replies
    1. It is like we are starcrossed lovers, ready to have a serendipitous meeting in New York.

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  4. Sister friend. That looks amazing.

    I found Gluten Free BROWNIE BITES at my local little granola store, Valley Natural Foods. And ate the entire tub in about... um... 2 minutes. Holy shitballs.

    http://www.wowbaking.com/products/bakery-tubs/

    Find these. Find these now.

    We'll both be 250 lbs. But we'll be SO FREAKING FULL OF BROWNIE GOODNESS!!!

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    Replies
    1. FOLLOW UP! They have them at your local Whole Foods. GET THERE NOW. NOW! And please re-post of that experience.

      You will thank me.

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    2. I am planning to close my eyes directly after replying to these comments because I have to get up tomorrow at 2:30 am. BUT, I will find them upon my return to Ft. Fun. Promise.

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  5. When we were in Myrtle beach we found tiny little gluten free cinnamon rolls in the freezer section... Merciful Jeebus.. We ate two in the store..Still frozen.. They were THAT good, don't judge us! Are there any here in VA like this.. Hells Bells no! Iz jus sad!

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    Replies
    1. I have yet to find a good gf cinammon roll! What were they?

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  6. Best gf chocolate chip cookies are at trader joes!! They are exactly what Cc cookies should taste like, buttery, crispy, chocolate-y, and not at all grainy or crumbly. They are also perfect for ice cream sandwiches! A little vanilla, some salted caramel sauce and two cookies, perfection!

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