Shit. THE question. My mind immediately ripped through all the things that I DON'T do and was left feeling like a failure at life and a sad loser. I quickly settled on a very shaky, "Umm... I write.... ? "
I could feel my friend smirking in front of me, knowing that it is hard for me to give myself credit for what I do, so I said it again, with a little more confidence, "I write. I like it. I would like to make a career out of it, and by that I mean that I would like more people to give me [a lot of] money to do it."
Then I added quickly, "But I mostly stay at home with my two kids." Because somehow, in my mind, being a stay at home mom is more of a life path than some "creative hobby" that I am pathetically trying to pursue.
This entire 15 second conversation was both a step forward and a step back for me. You see, it has always been entirely too easy for me to admit my failures. It is how I relate with people. Self-deprecation is a huge part of my personality and my humor. I told someone once that I wrote satire and he asked me to elaborate on the types of things that I find annoying; what things do I mock and write about. I thought about it for a moment and tilted my head just like Red Dog when she is willing you to throw the stick for her, then said, "Mostly I make fun of myself, with sprinklings of stupid shit that my husband says and does."
This self-deprecation is not to feed some narcissistic tendency to try and draw attention to myself. My writing style and subject matter is merely what feels "right" to me. It is also because I really don't like to be mean and all that I can do is share my own flaws with the hopes that people will relate, laugh, shake off their own day and go a little easier on themselves. That's all. My writing is not for world domination, it is simply for me and you, with the hopes that it will bring a little joy and a much needed dose of lightheartedness to a world full of serious problems. Problems like giant wildfires that are ripping through the foothills west of Fort Collins. Problems like cancer and starvation and sleep deprivation and dandelions. Problems like which man the bachelorette will choose, why Nathan Fillion won't just hold the motherfucking twine for the Bloggess and how many pieces of chocolate you can eat and still maintain your daily calorie count.
So, damn it, I'm going to start owning my positive qualities as well as I do my flaws! The next time someone asks me what I do, I will tell them, "Not only do I spend a great deal of my time scraping dried oatmeal from under the kitchen table and picking up after everyone, I mostly WRITE! Because I'm a WRITER!" BAM! Chuck Norris can eat my shorts because I just roundhouse kicked the shit out of that. Kind of like when the hummingbird attacked me the other day when I was hiking. I showed that little winged devil all of my athletic prowess! Here's proof!
|Hi-yah! Take that, you tiny Kamikaze bastard!|
Apparently red isn't the only color to attract hummingbirds.
Now if you will excuse me, I need to go wash out a bowl so that no one discovers that I was eating ice cream in the middle of the afternoon.... again.
So here is my challenge to you: Admit to something that makes you special or that you do well and own it. Wear that positive attribute/ talent with honor!*
*Because I told you to do it, and this is all part of my master plan for tyrannical world domination. Muahahahahaaha!
Peace, Love, and Spellcheck,