Aaaaand my work as a parent is done. Who needs social training and extra curricular activities when you have awesome stuff like cardboard boxes?
|Why would I pay for soccer when we do fun stuff like THIS at my house?|
Next we are pulling weeds! Wahoo!
*I would totally go for the designer shoes, by the way, but I am almost always armed with some sort of a weapon, a mind blowing loud 'man voice' and my ninja skills. Don't tell Thing 1.
I may or may not break rules all the time. For instance, I have a STRICT no animals on the couch policy.
|Absolutely NO ADORABLE PUPPIES allowed....|
|I NEVER allow dogs on the furniture, especially dogs who rest their furry|
heads on my throw pillows.
|NO NO NO! NO ANIMALS ON THE COUCH!|
Or like when the guy walking his bike followed me through two crosswalks and around a corner and joked, "I'm not following you, I swear!" and I walked five steps as if I didn't hear him then looked over my shoulder and slyly said, "I'm not worried. I'm a Ninja." No way, I would never say that sort of nonsense.
And my friends would NEVER yell things like, "This martini is going straight to my nipples!" or "If I don't stop eating this cheese I am going to be in the bathroom all night." Nor would they say things like, "I don't do quotes. I just fart a lot." Nope. Never.
|We only quote Jane Austin.|
Never ever would I talk to strangers while hiking on an isolated trail. Like when the two women asked me if I heard the howling and I may or may not have furrowed my brow and said, "It was probably just a werewolf. In fact, it was most likely TeenWolf making a comeback. Michael J. Fox is out here gettin' all hairy and stuff." Then I used my hand to emulate growing a beard and I hiked away, because I'm a lady.
And NEVER would I tell people that their destination was "Only 4.5 Land Units!". Nope. Because I would never talk to strangers and I would most certainly never fuck with them. Never.
|I'm far too sweet and shy to mess with unsuspecting people.|
And I would NEVER adoringly stalk Justin Bieber when I was out riding my horse. That would just be inappropriate because I don't personally KNOW The Bieb, which means that he's a stranger.
|I'm only doing this so Thing 1 knows how wrong it is. I clearly have his attention.|
I'm so glad that I am here on this planet to help lead people on the path of KLASS, Good Karma and Righteousness. You. Are. Welcome.
Peace, Love and Unicorns,