But enough about movie stars, let's talk about more important things; like my hair. Obviously it must be of the utmost importance because I have spent the last three weeks doing little more than wondering if I should cut my bangs or grow them out. Of course, I care about World Peace, Justin Beiber and the Oil Crisis too. Blahblahblah. So today I made a bold move and called my hairdresser, because when I am unsatisfied with my life I naturally try and change everything that I can control. I have no idea why I think that my hair falls into the category of 'things that I can control', but I suppose that this is only one of the many reasons why I could be labeled as delusional.
While I am impatiently awaiting my hair appointment (which isn't until May), I have been trying out my vast artillery of hair styling techniques. I have implemented these thus far: Washed, unwashed, brushed, unbrushed, scrunched, ponytailed and braided. All of this hard work has only lead to one realization: my hair is flat, dingy and in need of a professional. And there is still laundry to be folded.
For instance, yesterday I tried to make myself look like a prima ballerina and I patiently braided my hair like I was Heidi of the Hills while I yodeled "Jar of Hearts" and dreamt of aprons, snow capped mountain peaks and meadows full of heather. Yet, somehow, the magical combination of my excessive whiteness, my thinning, sparse hair and my razor sharp cheekbones, I ended up looking less like a poetic dancer full of beauty and grace and more like a crazy old lady who lost her wig somewhere in her dirty house full of cats.
|Doesn't this just scream, "HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!"?|
I should probably get a professional to look at my neck too...
because WHY THE HELL DOES IT LOOK BROKEN?????
Then I unbraided the hair and POOF! I was feeling the Tawny Kitaen vibe so hard that it took every fiber of my being not to do the splits on the hood of a car. And then I realized that I really just felt like ANY MEMBER of Whitesnake and I took a moment to practice my air guitar. When my hairband session was over, I decided to utilize my sharp facial angles and extreme dorkiness and I broke into my best Ellie Goulding pose.
|You must pretend like there are sparkling rays of sunshine |
glinting off of my hair. Also, you have to imagine that
I am much more flexible, British and can sing.
|She obviously is not working with a misshapen neck part....|
In the end, I choose to accept my role as housewife so I showed off my mad multi-tasking skills by drinking coffee while talking on the phone and reading a magazine...... !
Anyway, as I clearly have nothing better to do with my time, I decided to first install a pool. Then I implemented my Art Degree and had some "fun time with scissors" with my children.
Since I don't trust myself with my own locks, I cut their hair. What were you thinking? Craft time? Ha.
But look how freaking cute they are!
|They are even cuter when they are sleeping!|
Stay tuned for more breaking news in the life of The Corn Fed Girl.
Peace, Love and Unicorns,
P.S. Thanks for all of your encouraging words in the comments of my last post. You all are the best.