I received a call yesterday. My caller ID displayed the number of my parent's travel phone. I knew it must be important so I picked it up, even though I was eating.
Okay, I'm always eating when I'm on the phone.
Probably because I'm ALWAYS EATING.
My mom was already giggling. She was having trouble forming a sentence.
Mom, composing herself: Do you remember when I washed out your mouth with soap?
Me: No. Because you washed out Jessi's, not mine. Remember her? The chosen one?
Mom, laughing: Why did I do it?
Me: She was lying. Do you remember when she was in her lying stage????
Mom, after a moment of silence: No.
Me: Well SHE WAS. And I NEVER lied! PLUS, she was stealing change out of Dad's naked lady cup. The change that he used to put in our accounts
She probably owes me money.
Me: PLUS, I remember it because I was leaning on the sink, in her face, resting my chin in my hands, watching her closely while she did it. It was fascinating.
Mom: Your dad said that his Grandmother made him take a bite of soap once.
*Much laughter from me*
Then Dad takes over the travel phone: My grandmother made me eat soap once.
Me: Ewe. I'll bet it was Lye soap.
Dad: Yep. I had to take a bite.
Me: What did you do that she made you eat soap?
Dad: Nothing yet. She did it in case I was thinking about doing something.
Me, laughing: Awesome.
And that is how to defend your honor on a travel phone.
Did anyone ever make you eat soap? Did it foam up after you drank water to try and wash it from your mouth? And have you ever read a book in which every single effing character annoyed the p#ss out of you? Just wondering.....
P.S. Later in the day I talked with my grandmother (my dad's momma) on the phone and she insisted that her mother never made any of her grandchildren eat soap. Nor did she use lye soap. Sounds like my dad may need to learn a little lesson about storytelling. May I suggest the eating of lye soap?