Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Cougar? Oh HELL no.

I own a leopard print scarf. You see, I secretly LOVE animal prints, but I feel that women who also have facial wrinkles, stretch marks and permanent tan lines on their left ring fingers have to be very cautious with said animal prints, lest we make every man that we come into contact with feel like cougar bait.

She is undeniably beautiful, but the animal
print takes the class down a few notches and
raises the desperation a few meters... don't you think?
image from: http://stupidcelebrities.net/2008/08/19/cougar-sharon-stone-chase-dreyfous-photos/


me-rawr

So, there I was at the grocery store today, when I bumped into a friend (Hi K, if you are reading this!). We chatted for a moment about the goings on in our lives and discussed the gratefulness/need for sunshine. I disclosed that I had a slight sunburn from yesterday as we had mega sunshine (74 degrees in the shade at my house) here in Colorado and I am now the proud owner of a super sexy v-neck sunburn, as well as the entire left side of my face. Hawt. Today, however, it is grey and snowing. Welcome to the west.

So, 1) It is cold and 2) I am wearing my leopard print scarf, because it is cold and snowing and it matches my brand-new-to-me orange thrift store coat.

I think the orange wool coat and the fact that I am showing
no skin makes this animal print okay.
What do you all think? Do you want to hide
your teenage sons from me?
Don't answer that.


When my friend walked away, a man that was standing with his hands in meat, organizing the cooler (let's call him Chicken Fingers) was looking at me. He said "Is that why you are wearing that scarf? To cover up your sunburn on your chest?"

......

I looked at Chicken Fingers and said "No, it is so that everyone will know that I'm a cougar."



Okay, I didn't actually SAY that, but it was the very first thought that ran through my head. You see, every once in a great  while, I actually edit myself when I go into public.

I believe I mumbled something about fashion and warmth, smiled bitterly sweetly at Chicken Fingers and walked away.

But about 10 minutes earlier, I failed to hit the edit button when I picked up the potted clover and asked the flower lady if it came with a leprechaun. She laughed and said it did not, because they were hard to find. I told her that I spotted them all the time, but they usually weren't very happy with me when I announced their leprechaun-i-ness to them.

This is seriously one of my favorite pictures EVER.
I will probably post it every day until St. Patrick's Day.

And for the record, I spent a solid five minutes inspecting my pot of clover and found zero four-leaf clovers. What. The. Hell?

Peace, love and "What? He said that he was 18!",
Johi

28 comments:

  1. I dated a guy younger than I was once. Now, I'm only 28, so I didn't think this was reason to call me a cougar (maybe a puma), but for Christmas one year all of his friends got me cougar themed items. I proudly wore the Washington State t-shirt that read, "I'm a Cougar!" What can you do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just own it, like you did. Maybe a public spanking occasionally?

      Delete
    2. I SO want to send you an OSU "I'm a Beaver" shirt right now.

      Delete
  2. Less is more. In everything but diamonds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I mostly agree, unless we are talking shoes, hair and acreage. Then more is more.

      Delete
  3. You're choice of attire is just a desparate attempt to make yourself look like a cougar since you refuse to age. Besides, don't you have to be around 50 to be considered a cougar?

    How old does a guy have to be in order to be considered a dirty old man for wanting to date 20-something women?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, kind sir. But I am aging, I assure you. I'm not certain of the age criteria for Cougarville, but I feel very very aware of my impending status and am careful about the presentation....

      I'm going to say if the man is old enough to sire the 20-some year old thang, then he is, in fact a "dirty old man". Based on that theory, all men over the age of 38ish are potentially and most likely dirty old men.

      Delete
  4. If I were 54 years old and looked like Sharon Stone and was single and had the morals to actually be the lead in Basic Instinct, I would probably wear leopard print like she did ALL THE TIME! However, I do not, therefore I wear my leopard print scarf with my denim jacket and cowboy boots, because I don't have that rocking Orange coat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was $5.99, how could I NOT buy it???
      I'm glad to know that you fully support my scarf. :)

      Delete
  5. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Sorry, I know that any more than two "HAs" make it seem like I might be a psychopath, but I can't help it.

    For some reason "No, it is so that everyone will know that I'm a cougar" is the funniest thing I've read all day. (And I've read A LOT.) Hope you don't mind, but I'm stealing that line and using it this weekend.

    Now I just need to get myself a scarf...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like a lot of ha's. Please, steal any and all content that you find here and spread it around like influenza. Just make sure you tilt your head to the left, look to the sky and wistfully say my name after every line....

      Delete
  6. ps. I think the scarf makes you look exotic. And not in a cougar way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My heritage is Balinese, Canadian and Native American with a sprinkling of Japanese and just the right amount of Tongan.
      But that is probably pretty obvious.

      Delete
  7. I like the scarf. I like animal prints in small doses, like accessories. Then PETA won't come after me for killing a zebra to cover my ass when it's cold.

    Did Mrs. Robinson wear animal print?

    And really, Mr. Nosy McListentomyconversation? Butt out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was thinking the same thing about that guy. Eavesdrop much, nosypants? Jeesh!

      Delete
    2. Thank you. Now that you have disclosed that you like animal prints, I will buy you a leopard print snuggie. :)
      Mrs. Robinson wore black lace, I believe. As in, whatever else she had on was on the floor....

      Delete
  8. I use to be obsessed with animal print. My room was seriously a jungle, with animal print lamps and duvet covers and a mother fucking zebra rug with a HEAD (stuffed animal, but c'mon) so I get the love of the print. Also though, I was ten.

    I couldnt agree more that animal print needs to be worn with caution. I think that the trick to wearing animal print is in the detail, meaning that there can't be too much of it. It needs to be worn as a detail rather than as an outfit...you know what I mean?

    I'm saying that I think wearing an animal print scarf is perfect. Wearing an animal print dress - not awesome and shouldn't be done unless you're three.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn it! I hope that I can still cancel my order for the leopard print leisure suit!

      P.S. When I was 10, I think I would have liked your room. Who DOESN'T like a rug with a head attached?

      Delete
  9. "Hands in meat?" Oh, Jo-Jo, you make me smile so! :D

    I love the scarf, and HOLY HELL WOMAN $5.99 FOR THAT COAT??? Next time, get me one, too!! Damn! Way to bargain shop, lady. Will you just be my personal shopper? Maybe that's how you can make your money for BlogHer . . . there have to be some clueless ladies in CO who, like myself, have no sense of style or fashion, but lots of money (unlike me), who you could assist. Maybe that's your calling!

    I think as long as you are not growling and purring at those sweet young thangs, you are not considered a cougar. Next time you lounge beside your pool in a bikini, martini in hand, and ask the pool boy if he wants to help you out with something in your bedroom? Yeah, that might be crossing over into Cougar Town, ma dear. And not in a funny sitcom way, either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blame Sarah, she took me to the thrift store. I scored big time. And YES, I will be your personal shopper.
      I will probably not be doing any lounging by my pool because it is 18" deep, 4 ft. around and made of low quality plastic- so I guess I'm safe...

      Delete
  10. The scarf is very classy, especially dressed as it is. Silly Chicken Fingers, trying to get involved in a female fashion and skin-care conversation.

    He was totally hitting on you, just didn't know how.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If he was attractive I'm sure I wouldn't have minded the intrusion. Alas, he was not. And he was standing there with his hands in meat....

      Delete
  11. Oh I like your scarf! Especially tucked into your jacket, well played!

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are gorgeous and very classy. I think you could pull off whatever you wanted to.

    I must say I do like the jacket and scarf!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where have you been all my life?

      Delete
  13. Every week when I drive to Seattle for work I pass a freeway sign for Cougar, Washington. every week I want to leap from my car, dodge three lanes of I-5 traffic, and have my picture taken with said sign. Every. Damned. Week. I nned help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need evidence. Text me said picture, please.

      Delete