Monday, March 12, 2012

Book Titles and a Giveaway.

I am thinking of writing a book but am unsure of the title. I would love to hear suggestions from you all. To answer your question, no, I don't know what the book is about at this point in time. I just like to make plans.

I also plan on napping after I post this.

This is what I have thus far:

How to be an Asshole and still make friends.

There are two types of people in this world: Those who think 'namaste, motherfuckers' is funny, and those who do not.

The mostly true confessions of a corn fed girl... who is probably allergic to corn.

Do you want to feel better about yourself? Start here by reading my book!

How to justify yourself, even when you shouldn't.

Free stuff and how to get it (I have no idea how to do this, I am just trying to attract like-minded people)

Crap, all the good titles are taken. I guess I'll call this "Why is there a hair THERE???"

No, I do not want to play Thomas the Tank Engine with you. Thanks for asking.

I used to be a goddess and now I stand around with boogers on my shirt holding half eaten apples.

He did not accept that I was yelling at him. Novice.

Adventures in Losing my Sh*t and then Finding it Again.


Who's Screaming? Is that my kid?

Please leave thoughts, suggestions and/or new ideas in the comment box. The winning title will receive a free copy of this book (that has yet to be written or published). Until that time, my giveaway will consist of this advice: Just say no to any sort of bouncy castle indoor play area. Can those places ever really be properly cleaned? Always say no. I have two kids with RSV at home to prove my point. Thing 1 actually had to spend the night in the hospital last Thursday.
Also, don't wear your pants so low that your underwear or crack shows to God and everyone. I can't speak for God, but the rest of us aren't interested in seeing either of them.

That is all.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,
Johi

24 comments:

  1. What about outdoor birthday castle bounce houses? I'm sort of new at this whole thing and after reading this post, I feel I may have made a grievous error.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a strong believer in the cleansing abilities of fresh air and sunshine. I would think that would be a safer bet.
      This place was the cleanest of those types of places in town. Yet still...

      Delete
    2. Oh, and the kids LOVED it. Of course. So did my husband.

      Delete
  2. My working title is "Insert Brilliant Title Here." That is likely to remain permanent. Probably because I'm a goddamn space cadet lately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that. It is.... brilliant. :)
      I was truly fearing that I may have been infected with Dementia, but then I got some sunshine and I am feeling so so much smarter.
      E=mc2
      See? I'm good to go. Plus it is going to be sunny and in the 70's all week. WINNING.

      Delete
  3. I vote for the Adverntures of losing your shit one. That is brilliant. But might I ask . . . where the hell did you find it again? Oh wait, don't tell me. I don't wanna ruin the ending. But I kinda want to know. Damn, now I'm torn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, clearly that is the title. I already have your attention! I'll write the answer in the book. :)

      Delete
  4. No! And if you ask for that toy again, you are walking home.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Woman of Leisure (Suit)

    Bam. Title.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a good idea what would be on the cover....
      lmao!

      Delete
  6. I kind of like, just plain "Why is there a hair THERE?!" the cover could have a photo of a lone hair somewhere it really shouldn't be. Or Jaclyn's suggestion "Woman of Leisure (Suit)" with the photo of you in the green suit holding the laundry basket, priceless. But then again I like "The mostly true confessions of a corn fed girl... who is probably allergic to corn", you could be standing in your green leisure suit in a tall corn field...holding a laundry basket...with a lone hair in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look at you Tina! Doing a title mash-up! Be honest, you are behind all those songs mash-ups on Glee... aren't you?

      Delete
    2. What is Glee?




      Honestly, I have never in my life watched an episode of Glee, or High School Musical for that matter. I don't even know who Zac Efron is...

      I have been pulled into the teenage vampire movies. That girl is the most drepressing person in the entire world, someone needs some Cymbalta.

      Delete
    3. Oh Tina. Need I bring you down to my level of horrible TV? Although Glee did win a bunch of awards last year, making it a little less of a guilty pleasure.
      And I have a really inappropriate crush on Zac Efron. Don't tell anyone.
      I agree with your assessment of Bella. Or maybe she needs to get OFF the pills. She seems numb.

      Delete
  7. I love all of these. For marketing purposes, though, I think you'd be best to go with the title about free stuff. It's not like anyone is going to call you out on it. Because really, who remembers the title of a book after they buy it? And if they do, well then 'Namaste, motherfucker!'

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Why yes, I'm hiding from my children behind this rack of clothes. Why do you ask?"

    Or

    "Even if Juan Valdez lived in my kitchen, there still wouldn't be enough coffee."

    Or

    "I said swallow it!" Although that might not get the exact crowd you're looking for, and could end up in a lot of returned books...

    Or...

    "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH: Confessions of a Cornfed Girl."

    The story I'm about to write is "get the fuck out of the dog bowl". Alternate title, "I think my kid is an asshole." (Effing sleep strike.)

    I still want, okay NEED, the "Namaste, motherfucker" cup. Le sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO! Well, lol because I still have my ass.
      I hope the sleep strike ends soon. Those suck.

      Delete
  9. "Orion Rising" (or Orion Descends) Could be about anything. Something good - coming up or bad, or cleaning up baby puke (something "rising") or dogs digging up the yard (descending like they intend to hit China).

    Totally versatile title.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally read this initially as "Onion Rising", which I think works too. :)

      Delete
  10. I think you could name it whatever you want, as long as the back cover says, "There are two types of people in this world: Those who think 'namaste, motherfuckers' is funny, and those who do not."

    By the way, that mug is a big hit in my house. I'm brining it to work next. And I think I need to buy one for a friend of mine that works in Boulder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Noted. And I'm glad that you are enjoying your mug. Someone suggested that I should make a Namste, Bitches one because it is a bit less.... harsh? I might just have to do that.
      And thanks so much for shopping at my Zazzle store!

      Delete
    2. I actually really like Confessions Of A Cornfed Girl. But maybe add a "Bitches" to the end, just in case.

      Delete