Saturday, February 4, 2012

Whoops. I must have dialed 1986.

She knows this is coming. I warned her.

I called my mom today and her message said " have reached my travel phone......" and then instructed me to do something... I don't know what because I hung up before her message was over. You see, my mom (I love you Mom!) is famous for having The World's Longest Phone Messages. I'm serious. By the time she is done instructing the annoying party who is trying to reach her the caller what to do after the beep, I have normally forgotten why I called.

So I hung up and said out loud, "What the fuck is a travel phone?"

My mind immediately conjured up some images.

Does it come in its own bag?

Is it roughly the size of Lady Gaga's shoe?

Can you call God on it? Does he have his own travel phone?

"Why hello! Yes, you ARE my favorite human.
Don't worry about that rash, it will go away in time."

I was then transported to a Burgundy Chevrolet Cutlass Supreme,were I sat looking at the fuzzy dice, the sweet wine colored seats and matching dashboard.

I was listening to a cassette of my favorite band Starship and started singing along to the song Sara. I loved that song so hard. (I had a dog named Sarah and I sang it to her)

Dude, that is a sweet ride.
Does it come with a travel phone?

Then the travel phone rings. It's my boyfriend. He wants to know if he should perm his mullet. I say, "Dude, that would look so rad! You should totally do it!"

.......Or maybe it is the early 70's and I'm a secret agent. I have gotten into my car with my 190 proof liquor so that I can return home to get blitzed on one martini. Then my travel phone rings and it is my friend and part time lover, Secret Agent 007, in need of some service.

"Why yes, I can be there in 14 minutes, I just need
to buy a new pair of pantyhose. Mine have a runner.
What?  No, I'm not wearing a dickie today. This is a
real turtleneck.....
No, I'm not wearing my GoGo boots, but I can be...."

Or maybe it is actually a phone that travels independently, complete with it's own wheels.

Steering gets a bit tricky without a windshield to see through....

Or maybe it is ....


travel phone

Knowing my folks, I'm going with the last option.

Hope you are all having a great weekend. Don't forget your travel phones if you leave the house.



  1. Hahahaha! That totally sounds like my mom. I'm surprised she doesn't call it a "travel phone." She's had one for like two years now and still can't figure out how to text ... on the rare occasion that she texts me back (as opposed to calling) it's always full of odd capitalization, spacing, and punctuation. Hehe.

  2. Well now I have that song in my head . . . Sar-a, SA-AR-A, storms are brewing in your eyes, oh oh oh-wo!

    Am I in 1986??? I'll be back....I've gotta go spray my bangs up super high & put on my Jams.

  3. I thought I had finally managed to forget that big hair that had followed me uncomfortably far into the 90's, but no.

    Though, I guess a flashback beats a heat flash, so I'll take it!

    Good stuff. So glad I subscribed.

  4. Travel phone? My dad still clings desperately to his rotary dial phone. He still bitches that he can't use it anymore since the phone lines are computerized and it is now a touch tone world. WTF Dad.

  5. The sad thing is, you really DIDN'T reach her travel phone. If you had reached her travel phone, you would have been able to talk to her. It sounds to me like you actually reached her travel answering machine.

  6. My name is Sara. And I HATE that song. Now, the one by Hall & Oates (Sara Smile) is a little more tolerable. But the Starship version has been the bane of my existence since it came out. Just sayin'.

  7. I am now oddly compelled to do my alternate-kicking-arm-swinging Molly Ringwald dance to "We Built This City". And for that I thank you, milady.

  8. I'm kind of feeling like I now need a travel phone. Like it would help increase my cool points since I've only got this stupid cell phone that's been around for AGES.

  9. My mom leaves poems. For the month of Decemeber it's always:
    Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat. Please leave a penny in the old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny a ha'penny will do. If you haven't got a ha'penny than god bless you.
    The woman refuses to look at caller id and will only answer if you sit there and yell mom it's me on the answering machine.

  10. At our Super Bowl party Sunday, one of the guys had a loaner phone, and it was a POS flip phone. SO, I mentioned that I liked his "Zack Morris" phone.... and he asked me who Zack Morris was. *reaches for Aussie Mega Sprunch Spray and Virginia Slims*

  11. @Rita- Oh Good Lord, there is no way that my mother would text. Not happening.
    @Misty- I used Aqua Net. What was your glue of choice?
    @Misha- Welcome to the party! We take naps here.
    @Insomniac- lmao! I love your dad!
    @Mayor Tom- lmao x 2! I guess you would be correct!
    @Lucky Sara- I'm so sorry, I see that storms are brewing in your eyes at the mention of that song. For that, I apologize. No one ever wrote a song called Johi. Although some friends of mine wrote a song about me where they compared me to a FUCKING HURRICANE. It was ABOUT ME. So I no longer feel sorry for you and your awesome Starship song. I'm seriously LOLing right now. Because I'm evil.

  12. @Jen- Can I see that dance please? because all I can conjur up from your description is Elaine on Seinfeld.
    @Phoenix- Then you can call my mom on her travel phone and speak to her traveling answering machine.
    @Amyblam- Does this cause you to feel like you need to self medicate? Because no one would blame you.
    @Kelly- Ahaha! Are people actually publicly admitting now that they watched Saved By the Bell? I always was filled with shame about it.