Today, I want to talk about two specific things:
1.)After an intense round of what I am sure was well- received coaching, instructing and pep talking from me, my friend gave birth to a perfect baby boy ON MY BIRTHDAY. She was within an hour of midnight, but she prevailed!!!
I am seriously thrilled to meet the little man and I would love it if all of you would send his mommy some healing thoughts, as the birth could have gone better.
2.) Part of my birthday celebration involved sipping some iced tea and eating cucumber finger sandwiches with a friend. You see, we are both subtle and gentile ladies from Iowa, which is why we get along so well. Our shy, quiet mannerisms are.... hold up, I can't even write this bullshit.
We swilled some wine while talking loudly about inappropriate things in a public place. Things like "NINE kids? Doesn't that bitch know how a condom works?" (disclaimer: I'm not judging all people with lots of kids, only people who personally offend me or my friends). By the way, our wine was comped because I am shameless with random proclamations of "It's MY BIRTHDAY today!" Then we stomped around Old Town Ft. Collins and explored it's plethora of adorable boutiques. We may have harassed the sales people, but only in a fun way. Like when I was looking at pendants and the sales lady showed me her pendant that said "Hope" and I asked if she had any with bad words. She looked confused and my friend said "Like, Bitch!" and I said "YES! I would totally buy that one!"
I bought an owl instead. I like owls.
One store in particular, Kansas City Kitty, enticed me with a very cute dress, which I was forced to try on and model. Even though the top of the dress was ill-fitting on my bony chested frame, I decided to satisfy the hollering from the other side of the door to show off the garment. So, in spite of being painfully shy and hating attention, I sheepishly modeled the gown.
|Yes, I am still wearing my jeans, because that's how I roll.|
Right as I stepped out of the dressing room, a dude walked by, in that despondent way that dudes do when their womenfolk force them to enter trendy little downtown boutiques, and I'm sure he couldn't help but look in our direction, as we were kind of LOUD.
In that exact moment he looked at me, I was standing perfectly still and looking at my friend's awesome cat eyed sunglasses (which I am sporting in the above photo), and the dress fell off of my left shoulder, thus exposing my entire left boob. I was wearing a bra. But still. It was an exposed boob- in front of a dude. And I really was not drunk. I yanked the dress back into place and he immediately stammered for a second then said, "I was only looking at your face" and I said "Of course you were". And then we looked at each other for a moment too long and an uncomfortable silence followed. Suddenly the poor, perhaps partially now-blinded man practically sprinted out of the store.
I, on the other hand only turned 675 shades of red.
If you have never seen an albino blush, I highly recommend it, as it is a sight to behold.
I'm still sweaty and a bit splotchy 24 hours later.
But I bought these earrings there, which did not expose my boob, so it all worked out.
|Another year older and that much closer to perfection.|
But seriously, LOVEBIRDS... and roses. Precious.
And then I returned home, where my husband prepared enough grilled meat for approximately 40 large men, and we ate cake.
|This is how we eat cake in these parts.|
Peace, Love and full coverage bras,