Because I am a giver, I put together this handy list of things that I would gladly accept in celebration of what I like to call: The Glorious Day That Johi Was Born
*music plays- not unlike angels singing*
1. A shopping spree at the store of my choice. Preferably one of those where you run around and fill up your cart with as many items as you can in a designated time frame. I'll wear a ponytail and my old track shoes.... this bitch is quick, I possess sneaky elbowing techniques and I work great under pressure.
2. A vehicle that fits not only my children and their car seats, but also more than two adult humans. After the 3 hours that my sister spent jammed between two car seats with her knees up to her chin in the backseat of my 13 year old extended cab truck, I think that she would aggressively agree that I want this for unselfish reasons. Plus I want to go places with people (my friend Sarah and her two kids) ALL IN THE SAME VEHICLE, because, while gas is expensive, driving down the interstate to go to the Denver Zoo ALONE with two screaming children in the car is detrimental to not only my health, but the safety of everyone else on the highway. Two moms united
3. World Peace. Naturally.
4. Let's face it. I probably need a miniature donkey.
5. These $500 cowboy boots.
They are imperative to my health.
6. A three day spa/yoga retreat somewhere warm an sunny with two of my best gal pals. The retreat must serve alcohol and be staffed by mutes who look like Hugh Jackman. This too is imperative to my health.
7. A video camera and a ticket to BlogHer in August so that I can meet Noa, Jen and Elizabeth face to face..... and they can all tell me how much more fabulous I am in person. (It's not true, but I know that they would do that for me.)
8. A copy of The Bloggess' book and/or something sparkly.
9. A publisher of my very own (and an idea of what the hell to write my book about because I am currently reading Tina Fey's Bossypants and she stole all of my material. I've been telling people that my hair is yellow for at least 12 years now.)
10. A free night of babysitting so that Brock can take me out to dinner and we can gaze lovingly into each other's eyes over the perfectly cooked filet mignon on my plate and wonder when the fuck we lost the ability to come up with something to talk about that doesn't involve poop, gas, children, bad TV or paying bills.
So, there you have it! I may not be cheap, but I am totally easy.
Love to all of you. Especially those of you who love me back.