Thursday, December 22, 2011

Tis the Season for Family!

Part one....

My parents and my sister were in town visiting for an early Christmas celebration. We had a great time. Lots of food, laughter, screaming children and dogs. Pretty much like normal but with more people and dogs. My father told me that I wasn't allowed to blog about him and I laughed and said, "If you say it, I just might write it". Then he said something about 'getting my goat' and I said "whatev, I don't even OWN a goat yet." Then he blabbed on something about 'women being seen but not heard' but I wasn't paying attention because I was too busy talking. What I do recall is him saying that he didn't want me to mention him at all so instead of 'dad' I will refer to him as 'big cowboy guy'.

My second favorite thing in the world, right behind watching David Caruso 'act', is when my dad the big cowboy guy keeps teasing me about the ginger squash soup that I made two years ago (I assure you, it was delicious- big cowboy guy thinks that if it isn't made of something that was once bleeding, it is some kind of sissy food). He has been teasing me about this soup for two years now, and let me tell you it is not even close to getting old! In fact! It is the funniest thing EVER! *crickets*
Okay, so it wasn't funny the first time and two years have not added any flavor to that joke, but what was funny is when mom was giving my sis and I a lecture about "respecting your father the big cowboy guy" which obviously made my sis and I laugh. Shockingly, my laugh was a bit more mocking and evil than hers. You see, "allegedly", my sister and I are kind of mouthy with the big cowboy guy and "allegedly" we tend to gang up on him. Nooooo.... that can't be right. Then our sweet mother was quiet for a moment. She shook her head, sighed and solemnly said, "He hopes that he dies first because he is not looking forward to that wild wheelchair ride down a hill into the pond."

Seriously, the delivery of that line was pitch perfect and the mental imagery in our heads is priceless. One of the sisters may or may not have snorted. I don't think I have laughed that hard since "Schweaty Balls" on SNL.

Poor big cowboy guy. He raised himself a couple of forward, bold, sassy daughters. No shrinking violets here. We wear our boots to the dance, command the floor, eat all the food, laugh too loud and kick the assholes in the shins. As it should be. But if I had any room at all for pity in my heart for bratty grown men who cheat at Candyland and tease children until they cry, I would pity him. For reals. I would. Since I can't find pity, I will probably just continue to give him a hard time, because I feel it is my obligation in this life and golly gee whiz! I almost always follow through with obligations!

Me and the sis- just a couple of delicate flowers....

Here's the damn soup recipe. Please please please make it if big cowboy guy is coming to your house for dinner. Tell him 'Johi said it was your favorite.'

Delicious Fucking Soup
a.k.a. Ginger Squash Soup

3 cups chicken or vegetable broth
2 packages (10 oz each) frozen cooked winter squash, thawed (or 20 oz. of fresh cooked squash- I use butternut)
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream (or coconut milk for dairy free)

In a large saucepan, simmer broth and squash. Add applesauce, sugar, ginger and salt. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, stir in cream. Cook for 30 minutes or until soup reaches desired consistency, stirring occasionally.
6 servings
Serve to big cowboy guy with a smile.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. I can sooooooooo picture that wild wheelchair ride...

  2. If it ever happens, we are blaming our mother for putting the idea into ours heads. Ha!