Sunday, December 25, 2011

I love Christmas!

Part 2 of the Tis the Season for Family Post.

Merry Christmas my friends! The Wagner's had a much needed low key pajama day today. After a month of nonstop preparation, we finally got to enjoy the fruits of our labor (including the leftover turkey from dinner the other night.) We opened gifts, we lounged, we ate a wheat free version of Wicked Opinion's Oatmeal pancakes and bacon, and we watched It's a Wonderful Life. Perfection! Santa brought Thing 1 the "Bumblebee Transformer with Wheels on it!" that was requested, and it only took Brock two hours to transform it. (It would have taken me longer, I assure you- I never could figure out that damned Rubix Cube.) Thing 2 got his own semi truck and trailer set, which was so insightful of Santa since the little guy was coveting the one that Auntie gave Thing 1 a few days ago. Brock got some much needed new duds and I got a huge surprise. A flippin' guitar! I know! Now I'm officially cool!*

* I just have to learn how to play it..... details details.

As I mentioned in my last post, my sister and parents visited last week for a pre-Christmas Christmas Celebration. Aside from tons of food and laughter.......

 My favorite part of this was the pears with cranberries poached in white wine.
Heaven. Pure heaven.

....we also had a small gift exchange. And when I say 'small', I mean that my children received a ridiculously obscene amount of presents from my family. Crazy filled the air and the gleam in Thing 1's eye was brighter than Rudolph's Nose on Christmas Eve's flight.

I had a feeling that my delicate suggestion for 'unobtrusive toys that encourage quiet play' would be ignored, but bless my special heart, I tried anyway.

I requested the parental units to get Thing 1 a LeapPad so that he could learn and play independently and quietly. They came close; they bought him toy weapons. He received two guns and a bow and arrow set, to be precise. They even gave my tiny Thing 2 his own rifle, because everyone knows that 19 months is the proper age to learn about guns. And BONUS! All of the guns MAKE NOISE!!!! Yessssss. It's like a mother's dream come true. And as you all know~nothing says "we love you Baby Jesus!" like stocking up your house with a full arsenal of guns! Can I get a YEEEHAAWWW?

This is sheer and utter JOY on my face.

I fully expect that the guns will have a limited shelf life here, just as all of the toys guns (all bestowed upon my children by people that are not me) have in the past. Actually, most of my kids' toys have a limited shelf life, because they either break the toy or break something with the toy. Even an innocent Cowboy Doll that we call The Big Woody (thanks for that Michelle) was used as a cannonball and hurdled into one of my favorite pieces of artwork. The glass broke along with my tiny heart. You see, I have BOYS. Boys DESTROY things. It's a fact. Google it.

And I'm really not as annoyed as I let on about the guns, because between you, me and the wall; my boys can take a fallen twig and make it into a mighty dragon slaying sword. So I'm in for it either way. I could give them pink angel wings and tutus and Thing 1 would end up MacGyvering a restraining device out of them and using it to tie his brother to the porch railing. Hey, I didn't wire them, I just incubated them until they were pried out of my uterus by a team of medical professionals.
Boys like to hit and shoot things, and they like to do that while making loud noises, because what is more awesome than explosions and hunting and aggressive games involving stabbing your friends? To a boy~ not much. Again, google it. I'm merely just reporting the facts.

So what did I say to my parents for all of the noisy AWESOME loud OBNOXIOUS shooty crazy toys? Why, only the most heartfelt of thank yous. And I sincerely was mortified and scolded Thing 1 when my dad big cowboy guy got him all riled up and my precious child yelled "You Old Idiot!" at him. I am absolutely certain that I don't even USE those words together, so that means the kid is really thinking for himself these days, which makes me proud and sad at the same time.

If I had the perfect photograph to describe my family dynamic, it would look something like this: Big cowboy guy looking ornery and being caught in the act, my mom looking blissfully happy~ in a sort of Mrs. Claus way, and my sister and I looking... well.... bitchy in a potentially unapologetic "we're ganging up on big cowboy guy, again" sort of way. Of course Brock would be taking the picture and all of our heads would be slightly cropped. But since I don't have the picture..... oh wait! But I do.

If this isn't the poster for Family Disfunction, I don't know what is....
And yes, my sis and I are wearing matching vests.

I hope you are all having a blessed Christmas! And if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope that you are having a pajama Sunday, like mine (complete with wine). And look how I can rhyme!

Peace, Love and Joy,


  1. I'm almost positive that when you become a grandparent, some essential brain cell undergoes a drastic transition from "parent who requests quiet learning toys" to "buy them anything and everything that they might even think about desiring, because, hey! we don't live with them we only visit and we can leave anytime and we loves them chilluns"'ll happen to you, too.

  2. Crap. I was hoping to be that Super Intuitive Grandparent that my children brag about to their friends. No?

  3. My mother feels that her Grandparent Card entitles her to turn my doclie and cherubic short people into sugar-addled, spastic Tasmanian devils on some bizarre murder-suicide pact of destruction. Hence the reason they are KEEPING said short people 'til after the New Year. Meh. . .

  4. Jen-can I send mine over, too?

    Johi-your mom looks so Mrs. Clause in that pic! Love it. Oh, and I have a rule for the grandparents...... If they buy loud, obnoxious toys for my boys for xmas, they have to keep the toys at THEIR HOUSE. Usually keeps the loud toys at a minimum. And I think my oldest missed the memo about wanting to destroy things. He asked Santa for books, paper and pencils (for homework, natch) for xmas. My youngest is gonna be all boy, though.

    Sounds like a most wonderful xmas. Merry merry, Johi!!