Monday, December 5, 2011

For Becky. It Has Blue in the Title. I hope it pleases you.

My Dearest Becky from New Zealand,

How are you? I am fine. <----- as a child, this is how I started every letter that I wrote. I was clearly a genius.

You asked me to sing for you~ yes I remember and I like to honor the requests of my friends. However, I don't think that you realize that not everyone can sing, such as your wedding singing self. Fortunately I am one of those special souls, who although knows I cannot sing, insist on singing, and not just singing, but attempting to do things like harmonize with the radio. It truly is spectacular. Well I have big news. I finally got a new computer and my new computer has a frightening feature.  don don don.... A WEBCAM! I know. SCARY.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

To all of you reading this highly personal and private letter to Becky that I am posting on my public blog (shame on you!), let me explain. A while back,the gorgeous and talented Becky from I'm Just a Girl and I've Had it Up to Here answered a burning question I asked about how to properly identify a Hoe/Ho. It was in this post that she not only answered my question, but also requested that I perform Willie Nelson's Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain while strumming a guitar, roping cattle and indulging in "Willie's Nelson"..... or something like that. Although none of that actually happened, this did. I apologize in advance.

To Becky. I "heart" you.

And this is where I wasted countless hours trying to upload a short masterpiece created by ME.

I think the video speaks for itself. Too bad it won't upload. It was genius.  In the time I spent attempting to upload the video (two and a half mother effing days...) I also managed to break or disable the webcam on my one week old computer. I am awesome. Anyway, it was me doing a monologue and performing an a capella version of Blue Christmas- and all of it was dedicated to Becky- who now needs to fly to Colorado so that she can watch it for herself on my brand new stupid laptop that doesn't work. I guess the rest of you will just have to use your imaginations.

disclaimer: I don't know if it is actually white at Christmas in New Zealand and I am far too lazy to Google something for educational purposes because I am much too busy {watching funny cat videos on YouTube}, so this song may in fact be completely wrong. If that is the case I will take requests, as long as I can sing them in the key of flat. Thankyouverymuch.

Enjoy your Christmas season Becky! And remember, even though your man left you alone during The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, I still love you. And I'm sorry about what I just tried to do to your eardrums.

Peace, Love and Twinkle Lights,


  1. BAHHAAAHHHAAAAA!!! This post is filled with WAY too much awesome! I. am. dying.

  2. Oh sweet jesus. You know how your heart suddenly jumps into your neck for a split second when you see your name displayed on the internet & you think to yourself is that really my muthaflippin name? well that just happened to me right now. And I'm at work. Badass.

    Anyway I would just like to say a sincere from the bottom of my big black heart for your non video. I am so 100% sure it was awesome even though I can't see it.

    I am writing you back. Tonight even. Because I am excited I now have something to do instead of sitting in front of the TV with my pj's on eating chips WITH a permanent tear on my left cheek due to the fact I miss my man bitch.

    Would you feel uncomfortable if I told you that I had a mild fanny spasm when my heart went up into me neck for a split second. Too late. I told you anyway.


  3. You, my dear, are an awesome letter writer and friend.