Monday, December 5, 2011

Dear Becky. Here is your #$&@*#& video message.

Dear Becky,

Because I wanted to make your arse clench and flutter again, and also because I like to ignore those "things that happen for a reason", I stubbornly continued to try and upload my video. The winner was Take 5 (which was done this morning with my camera, since I broke the webcam), so imagine how horrendous the first four were.

For those of you who are confused, go here, also known as "today's other post".

You are welcome.

I hope this at least earns a  *s l o w c l a p* from Jen.

I'll just be here, cleaning snot and dog hair off the furniture, and waiting for Hollywood to call.

Peace Out Sister,

P.S. I'm still waiting for a video of you singing..... *tapping fingers*.....


  1. Excellent rendition! Good on ya!

  2. Ah Johi that was beautiful! But I have to beat you nonetheless because jersey got super quiet during your lovely song, saw how I reacted to your song and now won't stop croaking out tunes. My ears are bleeding red blood green wax... So festive

  3. Johi, I cried me some bitch tears. Silent non ugly crying face & still very good looking bitch tears. Serious.

    That is by far the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Apart from my husband marrying me & my mum not kicking me out of home when I got arrested back in my late teens.

    When you say my name it sounds like you are saying Backy. I love you Americans hard.

    And hold up now hooker, you can hold mean a tune!!! For real. No lady gaga but shes whack anyway. And your boy, he is gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for cheering me up sista.


  4. YOU, my friend, are a dirty frickin liar! You CAN TOO sing, you weirdo! That was some Patsy Cline shit right there! Sorry, when I get excited, my sailor mouth comes out. The only thing more annoying than people who think they can SANG (just ask Simon Cowell) is people who CAN and go around saying they can't.

    Tall, blonde, can sing, makes pretty babies. I hate you.


  5. LOL! This was so fabulously awesome. Just an FYI - my daughter and your son are the same person. Up, Up, oowwie... it was like she had been transported to your screen.


    Good Tuesday laughs.

  6. yeah right you can't sing! I wish I was there to sign your christmas book! Miss you guys like crazy!

  7. @Jo- Why thank you!
    @Tish- I'm sorry. Do I get to choose what you flog me with?
    @Becky- If I cheered you up, my work here is done. xoxoxo
    @Wicked- I love you too. :)
    @AC- In an earlier recording, he walked up to the camera, put his tiny face right up to the lens and stared. It was awesome. :) Babies are fun. They also maul you and exhaust you. lol!
    @Emma- If you were here, not only would I have you sign my Christmas book, I would also make you go carolling with me while dragging the kids around on their ponies. How awesome would that be???? Miss your face!

  8. and for that you earned a new it. I like how you can stay focused on the words while finagling a small child. I would have totally f*ed up the words....

  9. @terbear- Welcome! And as for staying focused- I amaze myself on a daily! Not really.....

  10. So much love! I was watching this while practicing the song I'm singing at a friend's wedding this weekend. We should do a holiday compilation album. :)

  11. What can I say to that but TOTALLY FREAKING AWESOME!! You can surely carry a tune (as well as a small child) and the sentiment behind that was the sweetest thing - I promise to stop by now and follow your journey from domestic goddess to The Grand Ole Opry!!

  12. @Jen- I'll do backup for you and Becky. loL!
    @SocialAssassin- Thank you so much. I'll send you a signed copy of my first album. ;)

  13. im so glad i waited til i got home from work to play this. you and your sweet little side-kick had my undivided attention. it was truly beautiful, johi! and i love how black dog curled up beside you when you started to sing. bravo!

  14. you sound fucking awesome .. I love that song ... i love Christmas songs!!!!

    good job Johi!

  15. @Namaste- Gracias! I personally think that Thing 2 stole the show....
    @Chemgirl- I should have been lounging on a piano in a sparkly dress when I sang it.... maybe next time! I love Christmas songs too.

  16. Okay I'm just going to come out and say are a liar. Can you feel how on fire your pants are right now? You have beautiful voice! Way to try and play it down so all of us shocked to hear you carry a tune! ;)

  17. Johi....will you just go ahead & marry me already??? Your voice is divine, you sang a countrified version of an Elvis song (love him), & wrangled your precious demon child in the process. Either I need to marry you or build a shrine.

    Plus, what a super sweet gesture for Bex. I would offer to sing for her, but I don't think we are trying to punish her for anything, right? Plus, that kiwi bitch still owes me my Brad Paisley song! Hear me, Becky? Get on that shit! :)

    I would have killed to see your son just staring into the camera. I am laughing just thinking about it. What a stinker that one is!

    Oh, pretty tree, too. You really do have it all, don't you? Bitch.

  18. YOU CAN SING! I'll be expecting a St. Patrick's day song in green leisure suit this year. I was all excited because I get to sing a solo in this year's holiday review... but, uh... I'm actually singing this song I wrote the lyrics to that goes along to I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas. It includes the line, "why, I practically came out of the womb bowling!" because nothing says Merry Christmas like the vision of a bowling baby emerging from ones loins. Needless to say, I will not be suggesting we sing duets any time soon.

  19. Oh man! I thought that was GREAT for an Iowa girl!

  20. @Lisa- I seriously can't sing many things. My range is stupid. And if I would have told you all that I was incredible that would have been the real lie.... yessiree...

    @Misty- How about you build me a shrine and then I marry you? And YEAH BEACKY- Get on that shit! Maybe Misty needs to perform for Becky to get the B.P. song???? Yes!
    And yes, I am a bitch. But I make it work.

    @Phoenix- Your song sounds super Klassy! I would really like to hear it. And I do think the Green Suit will be making a you tubw debut at some point. It just seems like the right thing to do.

    @Wendi- My aunt Becky, who lives in Iowa, can really sing. And her daughter, my cousin Katherine, can too. Those Iowa ladies might just take over the music scene!

  21. Wow! You and Becky are both liars and have amazing voices!! I am a new and demanding follower of you both and I expect a duet soon!!! you could meet in the middle of the Atlantic somewhere!
    I enjoy your blogs, keep me laughing ladies!

  22. you are so full of shit! You totally can sing! I had no fucking idea!!

  23. I shall not let you choose! He's STILL going at it...STILL!

  24. @Tish- I'm sorry? blahahahahahah!