Tuesday, November 1, 2011

How to keep the romance alive.

Brock spent a month growing a beard just so he could shave it right before Halloween into a "Sonny Bono mustache". Hey, we take our costumes seriously around here. That is why I found him pants to wear a mere two hours prior to the party.

The beard in the beginning stages.

The best pants ever.

He walked around in public for two days with the stache but without the Sonny costume, causing people to think that he was serious. It was tragic. I didn't kiss him for two days. I couldn't.

Hey baby... Simon and Simon called,
they want their mustache back.

I really wanted him to put on my sexy cop uniform with the short-shorts, but I had lent it to my fabulous and leggy girlfriend which was great for all the men at the party she attended, but kind of sad for me because I felt that Brock would make a great Jim Dangle from Reno 911.

So wrong it is right.

 The comedy is mostly about the mustache.....okay, and the penis reference.

The final straw for the mustache was brought to light yesterday when Brock met with his insurance agent, who normally gives him a hard time in that "fun" way that women give Brock a hard time. This time, instead of joking with him, she was all business. My guess is that the stache was probably creeping her the fuck out. At the end of the somewhat awkward discussion, he pointed at his face and informed her of his Halloween costume, which made her audibly exhale and say "Oh Thank God!"

So Bow-Chicka-Now-Now walked into the bedroom late last night (okay, it was 9:34 pm but I experienced a hell day and was beyond exhausted) and said "CHEESE" and I looked at him quizzically. Then again he said "CHEESE!" and I was all "What? So... you ate some cheese?"  and he finally pointed at his fully shaven face, with that hopeful expression for sex, which made me realize the absence of Senor Caterpillar and I said "Oh! You shaved. God I'm tired" and fell asleep, only to be awoken an hour later to the melodic tune of his freaking abnormal chainsaw snoring.

And I couldn't even poke him in the rib because of all that "broken rib" bullshit that he has been moaning about so I laid awake dreaming of sleep and Magnum PI, because that is one man who could pull off the mustache and the short shorts, without a trace of irony.

Tom Selleck is the man.

And that is how you do it folks.

Peace, Love and Moo-staches,


  1. So wrong that it's right *laughing*

  2. Cheese = my mustache is gone, let's have sex ?

    Huh. Who knew? Can I use this? It might come in handy someday.

  3. He would have made a great Dangle! You all looked great!

  4. @Jo- I know! I really should have been able to decode that one more quickly- huh?
    @Paula- I think so too. Maybe next year. Thank you. And by the way, I cannot even FIND the comments on your blog, much less leave one. Help!

  5. Dear Lord. Maybe I'll have to grow a mustache to get some peace....

  6. Although . . . are you aware that this is Movember? It's a charity event where men grow their mustaches in November. I believe it is for men's cancer issues, much like pink is for October and for women. So he could have kept that thing all month and just said that it was for charity.

    You're welcome!

  7. I learn all my lessons about marriage from you, Johi. This is not a joke.

  8. I never cease to be in overwhelming awe of the fact that you found a soulmate who is as whacked-out as you are. You two give me hope for the future! :)

  9. Since when does shaving equal sex??? Because my hubby subscribes to that train of thought as well. Dude? It's sex when I shave!! Any other time...back off!

  10. @Phoenix- I laughed so hard at your comment.
    @Mistys- So you are saying that you liked the stache and he should grow it back? :)
    @Elizabeth- That is ill-advised, friend.
    @Jen- My sole purpose here is to bring others hope for their own lives. I'm glad that I could assist you with that.
    @Crystal- It must be written in the book of man-code somewhere. Does your husband use the word "Cheese" as foreplay as well?

  11. Oh my god, Johi. I have to tell you this. My 6 year old has gotten into his head that it is super mega funny to walk up to me with a big grin on his face and say, "CHEEEESSSEEEE." It is disturbing on so many levels because every time he does it, I think of your husband wanting sex. I think you may need to pay my therapy bill now. Cringe.

  12. I'm sorry is not going to cut it here, is it? HOw about a heartfelt "LOL!"? Because, seriously, lol!