Every time I hear my dogs barking and see them chasing a jogger/horseback rider/car/scary ugly man, I remember how I used to be a good dog owner, maybe even a "dog person", but that time has since blown away with the wind; along with my time to exercise, my sleep, my sanity and some shingles from the roof of our pathetic and decrepit garage. The problem is, Brock and I have had the dogs since the pre-kids era. In fact, we have had them just long enough to properly ruin them so that no one in their right minds would take them. Plus they seem to love us and shit like that.
Okay. We are kind of fond of those hairy beasts too.... especially the red one. Have I mentioned before that she is my favorite?
|"Oh, hi. I'm not cute at all. Ball? Ball? Ball?"|
|"Don't you know that cameras steal your soul? Stop pointing |
that thing at me!"
So today I forced the children out of the house to "get the freshness". As I was cleaning the truck load of leaves and branches from the front porch that said "Welcome! Don't mind the mess- we're pretty lazy. In fact, please pump the septic tank while you are here.", I heard the dogs start their chorus of woofs, but I heard another level of sound chiming in with this melody. It was my human offspring, bundled up like cast members of "A Christmas Story", standing at the fence and yelling at the neighbors in between the yapping of the dogs. Both boys and both dogs were in a little gang, eyes focused on the people and animals next door, unfurling sharp noises at their top volume. Did I mention that they were located directly in front of our garage? The one that looks like the location for the next "Saw" movie? It was like a scene from "West Side Story, the Hill Billy Edition". The image was quiet charming, I assure you.
My work here is obviously done. My quest to find my vocation has presented itself on a silver platter. I will be opening both a doggie day care and a childcare service soon, as I am clearly well-qualified for both, especially at the same time.
In all seriousness, today I have discovered the kind of person that I am: I am apparently a "Laundry" person.
First enlightenment, then the laundry....