Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Black Friday is Beckoning Me

We are experiencing some clothing difficulties in this household.

First: The baggy butt pants syndrome. If we aren't careful, people are going to start calling us "The Arseless Wagners". Specifically Brock and my little peanut Thing 2. Even though I could totally see Brock wearing those giant red stretchy suspenders, I assume they are hard to find, so I am thinking that simply new, smaller size jeans just might be the answer. Or maybe those padded tush inserts and more pizza for dinner. Probably just new jeans.......

That is a lot of undergarments for someone who isn't
referred to as "Homie".

This is not a fashion statement,
but more of an accident.
I think he is smuggling a loaf of bread in his pants.
At least I don't have to worry about cougars....

Second: Poor Thing 2 is having "A Christmas Story" issues with his winter jacket. Specifically, he cannot put his arms down at his sides. The coat is a hand-me-down from Thing 1, and I made the first time mom mistake of buying him the thickest coat available, thinking only about warmth and not considering silly things like Mobility or Use of Limbs. And while looking at him bundled up like a tiny Michelin Man with itty bitty arms sticking straight out it is pretty much the most adorable thing ever, it fills his little body with rage and ends up throwing himself on the ground and screaming in frustration. (*and then I may or may not laugh at him) So I suppose I need to buy him a new winter jacket.

Totally cute but not functional.

So like any evil genius, I started cackling, rubbing my hands together and formulating a plan.

Since I am fashion conscious and worked ten years in retail, looking stylish is a priority. Since I am a wife and a mother, my husband and children's appearance is a reflection on me. Since I am on a budget and worked ten years in retail, paying full price for clothing is a sort of sacrilege. Lucky for me, Black Friday is upon us and I received the Old Navy "Gobble Palooza 3D" flier which announces "3Days of Eye-Popping Deals! Entire Store on Sale".  Sounds good to me. Specifically the $10 and $15 kids and adults jeans and the 50% off outerwear for the family, because even though I don't like to spend money, I want my people to look fly. Plus anyone that advertises using the words "Gobble Palooza" and "Eye-Popping" deserves my business.

"Funufactured" is my favorite new word.
I funufacture stuff at my house all the time:
it's called storytime, mealtime and naptime.

Like any serious shopper that fears crowds, I went into my local Ft. Collins Old Navy store to scope out my route. Thank goodness the sale starts at midnight on Thanksgiving Day, that way I will be able to use my night owl Ninja tendencies to my advantage (forget this waking up at 3 am business, I would so much rather go to bed at 3 am....) While there, I was naturally distracted by the many cute items for ME. Like this awesome long sleeved tee that falls under the "Extremely Graphic Tees for the Family- $5" category. I also found myself some new skinny jeans and a jacket. I guess I am starting my own list for Brock to get for me. And when I say "for Brock to get for me", I mean, I will buy them for myself and inform him not to stress out about it because I "handled it". I'm a giver like that.

Forget about eveyone else. I want new stuff!
They really shouldn't let me out of the house.....

I do heart California. It's warm there....

No baggy bum here... although some
lunges wouldn't hurt me.

How cute is this jacket????
 I must say, I was impressed with the all of friendly people and well-mannered children.

Cute as a button! And they are all lined up and so mindful!

So cheerful, and colorful.

And you all know how I LOVE free stuff right? Well if I get there early enough and spend $40, I can get a FREE Kodak Easy Share Sport waterproof digital camera bundle. Winning.

Oh, and also, we have this sweet little family tradition of opening one package apiece on Christmas Eve. That package always contains new PJ's (freshly laundered by good old mom) so that everyone is wearing something cute and cozy for Christmas morning, especially because I always have my camera out and ready to shoot the scene. So every year I shop for new jammies for all of us and guess what? Old Navy's PJ's are $8 and $10 on Saturday. That is worth a trip right there. $40 would cloth the entire Wagner clan in comfy sleepwear. Score.

I feel like these pants specifically are meant
for unwrapping.....

So there you have it- THE PLAN. I will have to start inhaling the coffee at 8 pm on Turkey Day so I can be fresh and ready to Ninja my way through the other shoppers and snag some new stylish clothes at super low prices, and maybe a free camera too. Wish me luck because I'm a Black Friday virgin.

I'm pretty confident that I can maneuver through
the crowd.... people will fear the crazy in my eyes
and step aside.

If nothing else, I'm buying this shirt for someone.

Happy Shopping. Stay out of my way.

Peace, Love and Perfect Plastic People,


  1. Fantastic!! Love the play by play of your Black Friday plan. And the coat really is cute! Love it!! Definitely let us know how it all goes down and whether your ninja-mind tricks work!!

  2. i love your ninja pose! i'm a black friday virgin myself. sounds like i should check out old navy. they should credit you for them extra business ;-)

  3. If it were up to me I would totally be out there shopping on the day after turkey day, but my husband will have nothing to do with it. :( Both of my boys look stupid in their clothes. My 3 year old is wearing 4T which hang on him, but he likes them best, and the same goes with my 6 yr old who likes huge clothes. My husband, well he just doesn't give a damn. :(

  4. Johi, I envy your ninja moves and your bravery to battle the Black Friday insanity. I hope you didn't need to use your ninja skills today! (I've totally been lurking while catching up on your blog - thanks for the smiles, I giggle out loud a lot while I'm here.)

  5. YEA!!! It'll let me connect through FB!!! Girl, you are cuh-razy to want to shop on African American Friday; those crowds are whickety-whack. Although, you have inspired me to do some photo recon the next time I'm at H&M. That store is my mecca.

  6. I'd rather have frightening headless mannequin children surround my bed than be in a crowd of manic shoppers. More clothes for you girl! (You look fab, by the way).

  7. So did you get the camera? I was second in line at Old Navy, so I scored on the camera PLUS great deals on the kids' pants.

    ps- At some point in time between midnight and 2am someone at our local Old Navy STOLE the ON dog. The plastic manequin dog. Walked out the door with it. AND NO ONE SAW IT HAPPEN!!!

  8. Bahahaha the "baggy butt syndrome" SO TRUE.

    My boyfriend bent over today and I could see his sweatpants, his shorts and his boxers. THREE WAISTLINES.

    It was ridiculous.

  9. First of all . . . I fucking love your hat! When Jen and I come hijack your ass, I am stealing it. You have been warned.

    Second, how did the black friday shopping go? No news from you of late, so I'm hoping you didn't get pepper sprayed or trampled by a psycho weilding a shopping cart as a weapon.

    I miss you. Come back!! :)

  10. OMG, why didn't I read this before Black Friday? You had this all planned out for me! Tip on the jeans: Route 66 from Kmart adjustable waist jeans. My kids would be baring their plumber's cracks without them.

  11. SO????? What happened? Did you make it? Did you get the camera? Did you steal the dog? Did MistysLaws finally kidnap you and steal your hat and THAT'S why there's no update yet? WHAT IS GOING ON??!!!