- Stretched out,
- Two wearings from that embarrassing "I had no idea that there was a hole in the crotch- if I did I would not have been sitting like that all day....or at least I would have worn better underwear.",
- Ten years old
|Hello! It's me (the blonde) and Sarah (the non-blonde) and |
our owl cake masterpieces.
I'm from a tiny farming town of 600, give or take a few chickens. Like most kids, my fashion knowledge was basically limited to what I saw on the people around me. My family raised horses so that narrowed my expertise even more (I could cover jeans and boots. End of my fashion story.) So when my mom went to the local community center to work out in an aerobics class which was instructed by my aunt, her outfits would consist of items from the dregs of her closet: sweatpants, a gnarly sweatshirt that probably doubled as "fence painting clothes", and her old high school cheerleader sneakers which also moonlighted as painting gear. She didn't buy weights, because that would have been a frivolous purchase (never mind that we owned over 200 horses and standard horse gear for each of them), so she used either two milk jugs filled with water or sand, or a couple of #2 cans of food- preferably peaches.
Because the hoarding apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I was able to recreate this small town aerobics class circa 1984 look for all of you. I even threw in a few classic aerobics moves. You. Are. Welcome.
|Feel the burn!|
|The grapevine (with an audience). A timeless classic.|
|Bicep curls! Don't forget to breathe!|
At the time (and place) that my mother wore something like this, no one batted an eye. However, if I wore this into public in a city like Ft. Collins, I'm pretty sure that people would either try to give me their change or walk in wide circles around me in fear of me striking up a conversation with them (or my imaginary friend).
Minus the hat and fox...uh...er...rabbit? pelt, I would be the equivalent of the man who calls himself "White Owl" that roams Old Town Ft. Collins. Sarah has befriended him, naturally.
|Sarah and her new friend White Owl.|
This is simply too much awesome. I have no other words to describe it.
"Excuse me ma'am, you're going to have to pay for that
hoagie roll in your pants."
And no, that is not my husband's chair. Thanks for wondering.
So clearly I needed help... and a mentor (and probably a sponsor). Then Sarah and I pulled up to our local Old Navy.
|I feel like this picture deserves its own musical score.|
|I'm normally a hugger, but I opted for a simple hand holding.|
She was really sweet. And I'll bet her dog doesn't chase cars.
Actually we were greeted by true staff members in a helpful and non-pushy way, which in my opinion is the best way to be greeted upon entering a store. Don't try to talk me out of my cash immediately, just a simple "Hello! How are you today? Let me know if I can assist you with anything!", which is exactly what we got from at least three different associates. Of course we were side tracked at first by the trendy new fashion arrivals, but once we pulled ourselves away from the cute grey skinny jeans and snazzy sweaters, we followed a chalk-drawn hopscotch board to the active wear section.
We had no problem finding our sizes in a clean, well-organized space where the great deals were clearly marked with signs. We then loaded up our selections and were off to the dressing room for the real test: FIT.
The sizing was typical for what both of us generally buy, but the super stretchy fabric enabled you to go down in size as well. Sarah, who wears a size large, tried on a small to attempt to show me a "what not to do" but her plan backfired, because it actually looked hot on her and did nothing in the form of the dreaded "uni-boob" or "muffin top". In truth, the entire compression line really did seem to enhance each of our assets without pushing our Mom-flesh around in unappealing ways. The look of fitness without the actual fitness! Wahoo! Who doesn't want that?
|Here is Sarah modeling clothes in a smaller size than what|
she normally buys. No weird fleshy bulges.
|Showing off our "assets". We are normal. I promise. |
Thanks to Kim, the General Manager at Old Navy Ft. Collins,
for snapping this photo!
|This outfit was by far my favorite, and not just because|
it made me look like a Ninja.
Okay, it is because it made me look like a Ninja.
|Watch out Ft. Collins~|
You can thank Old Navy!