Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Fun Times Texting with Brock

I know that this may come as a shocker, but the Wagner herd is not a "techy" one. Brock builds shit with his actual hands and I draw shit with actual pencils which are held by my actual fingers. We also still own a VCR, quite an impressive collection of John Wayne movies on VHS and often reference CW McCall songs.

That being said, Brock and I have dipped our toes into the weird and wonderful waters of texting. While I decided that the water was fine and dove in; Brock in still standing on the bank with one toe barely dipped in, his saggy arsed jeans rolled up around his hairy calf, and he is whistling a Nitty Gritty Dirt Band tune while whittling his own fishing pole out of bamboo.

So of course it is fun for me to attempt some "text talking" with Father Time my husband, and yesterday was my latest success.

My camera isn't working right now but I saw this photo and thought of Brock.

Some background info: Brock came home Monday night and was acting a tiny bit sore. I asked if everything was going okay at work and he admitted to falling backwards into a crawl space while attempting to maneuver a wheelbarrow. When I stopped laughing and dried my tears of pure joy, I asked if I could get him ibuprofen or an icepack, to which he stoically replied "I don't want you to wait on me" and then got up and very dramatically limped to the kitchen to retrieve the ice. Except he wasn't trying to be funny, I guess he just felt that since he admitted to his klutziness that he could fully own the Egor walk that he had been repressing. I don't know what the sight of a man in his forties, hobbling around the house in his socks, bent over holding his possibly fractured rib does to you, but it made me super hot.

If you have been reading here for awhile you might remember from this post that I am not the only one that has a problem with laughing at people that fall. My friend Sarah is afflicted with the same illness, and fortunately for her, she married a man that has made falling into an Olympic Sport.

So here is yesterday's texting between Brock and me- unedited:

Me: How are you feeling today? I told Sarah what you did and she nearly busted a gut with laughter. lmao!

Brock: First tell Sarah to go scratch her ass with a corn cob and what the hell is imao I don't speak russian.

Me: I love you so much Grandpa Jones. You just gave me tomorrows blog post.

Brock: Dont be talkin shit about he haw that theres quality tv

(I can't tell you how much I cringed typing his final response)

Can someone please tell Brock that lmao means "laughing my ass off", because I don't trust myself to deliver the truth and am bound to say something like "Larry's Musty Athletic Odor". And if anyone knows what imao means, I would love to hear it.


  1. I am not sure what IMAO means, but IMO means in my opinion. OR IMHO means in my humble opinion.

    But IMAO? Not a clue! :)

  2. I text a lot, but I still have to google texting terms from time to time.

  3. You 2 are hysterical.

    I texted the hubs yesterday that I was hearing "our song" in the grocery store and it made me think of him and happy pre-anniversary (today's our 9th). His response?

    "Aww rame to you 3rom the texter"

    My response: did a monkey steal your phone?

    Him: Aw that sweet

    I think he may be living in another universe that doesn't have texting. He may be an alien.

  4. itching my ass off (with a corn cob, of course!)

  5. imho is in my humble opinion.

    imao is in my arrogant opinion.


    that's my story and i'm sticking to it!

  6. Coincidentally, this is also why I keep MY husband around. For those times he falls and offers me hours of pure enjoyment watching him amble to and fro refusing my help.

    And also, my husband's lack of texting skills also provides much enjoyment in this house. =)

  7. I made the collossal mistake of teaching my mother how to text. Now my phone is blowing up all day with such pithy comments as (misspelling intentional): "Grund beeef on salle at Wafnmart". OMG! WTF?

  8. @Furry- my point exactly- he has no clue! :)
    @Paula- If I told Brock to Google it, he would be even more puzzled.
    @Misty- RESPONSE OF THE DAY. You totally made me LOL. Fer reals.
    @Rachel- So you're saying that you laughed when you heard that he fell into a hole with a wheelbarrow too?
    @Tex- I like that. It is a good story to stick to.
    @Elizabeth- Sisters from another mother.
    @Jen- Text her back "Dun't eat Beeef 3rom Wfnmart- you'll groow a tail." I love old people.

  9. LMAOOMGWTFBBQ! and FYI, Mr. Floozy's uncle was a Buckaroo on Hee Haw. Which explains so much!

  10. I love that you threw BBQ in there at the end and I am going to need pictures of said Buckaroo.

  11. I have loved reading the comments on this post almost as much as I loved actually living through the post!!! I would say you and Elizabeth are sista's from different mista's though....
    And I love that Floozy added BBQ too!!!

  12. Thanks Sarah- I knew that I could have done that better but I was too busy with my twitching eye and all my *groan* mothering.

  13. Don't be sheepish about CW.
    "Convoy" is the GREATEST SONG EVER. My husband doesn't know that I snagged his CW McCall CD years ago and am riding around with it in my car still.
    Best dowry ever.

  14. @cpmcaf- I will not argue with you about this. I love trucker music.

  15. Big V, Texting: OMFG! I had been dating him for a few months when somehow texting came up (my primary form of communication - his very last resort). I don't remember how or why, but the whole LOL thing came up: laugh out loud.... we were driving and he became really quiet. Then... "so when someone types LOL it means that they're laughing out loud?" "Yeah. Like, they're joking or they think something is funny." (I held back from saying, "Duh! What rock did you just crawl out from under?") "Huh." more quiet.... then.... "I stopped talking to this girl because she kept texting me LOL all the time. I thought she was telling me Lots of Love and thought that was pretty creepy since she had just met me." The poor girl. Who knows where his life would be if he had just understood text lingo. Now the poor sucker's stuck with me!