At first I was secretly pleased when you called and told that that you could not power walk after we dropped off our kids at preschool today because you needed to clean your house. You see, I slept horribly because Thing 2 screamed for an hour in the middle of the night, plus I am inherently lazy so I am always prepared to squirm out of anything that requires exertion. And I also wanted to catch up on the episodes of Desperate Housewives that are on my DVR.
Since we didn't walk and I am a selfless mother, I passed on the TV and decided to take Thing 2 to the library for some quality mommy/son interaction and bonding. Except the mother effing library didn't open for half an hour, so I had 30 minutes to kill in the shopping center by the library. Some evil genius put the library right next to a bunch of horrible, boring stores like DSW and Sephora, which never have anything I like... because who likes SHOES or make-up? Oh yeah, I DO and DSW is my damned kryptonite.
So I was casually browsing sensible shoes, like black New Balance for our walks because any white sneakers that I own look like dog chew toys within two wearings. Then
So I slipped my Clydesdale-esq hoof into a pair of B.O.C. that claimed the color "Whiskey" and I immediately started to drool.... not only was the color enticing, but they fit like a custom made condom. And I may have been hyper and making conversation and cracking jokes with random people in the aisle as I silently marveled how the boots transformed my giant step-sister clod-hoppers into Cinderfuckingrella's dainty feet. Then I remembered how I have never once regretted a boot purchase and I quiet easily talked myself right into spending $129 with only a minimal amount of sweating, and it is all your fault Sarah. Not only are my thighs getting bigger (and I'm certain that has NOTHING to do with the way that I am inhaling chocolate like the cure for cancer rides solely on the amount of Dove that I can consume), but I also am going to have to tell the children that NO, there will be no porridge! because mommy needed shoes. But I took my baby to the library so he can feed his mind with books and knowledge.... *cough cough*
Again. Nice going Sarah.Why the hell did you need to clean your house today?
P.S. Do you think I could power walk in these?
|Whoops! Am I wearing new boots? That's weird.|
P.P.S. You had better start practicing your rendition of Beast of Burden (and your moves like Jagger, for that matter).
P.P.P.S. I think I will put them on with a flirty silk nightie when I show them to Brock. I am a firm believer in the sales technique called "distraction".
See? You forgot all about the boots.... didn't you?