Thursday, September 22, 2011

Personal Growth with Dr. Wayne Dyer or Stunted Living with Johi. You Pick.

I love Dr. Wayne Dyer so much that I follow him on facebook. I also follow The Rio's Margaritas, but I digress. I enjoy getting daily doses of his brand of positive thinking, although my initial responses (in my head) are almost always the polar opposite of what he is trying to convey. Today, the lucky readers of this post are going to get a glimpse inside the mind of the Corn Fed Girl, then you can tell your therapist that you know someone more screwed up than you. You. Are. Welcome.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Dr. Dyer's picture from his facebook page

When someone suggests something that may seem at first to be outrageous, listen and be curious. Avoid being judgmental. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

When someone suggests something that may at first seem outrageous, they are probably high on drugs, crazy or drunk. Sit back and enjoy the show. It will be like watching Jackass in live action. - Johi

I am a human being, not a human doing. Don't equate your self-worth with how well you do things in life. You aren't what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don' aren't. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Good, I can be a lazy ass and sit on the computer all day while Spongebob Squarepants rots the minds of my children and no one can judge me because I am simply making a point that what I do doesn't define me, it is who I aspire to be on the inside that really matters. - Johi

Saint Francis used faith to overcome his greatest fear and saw the fear dissolve into love. For us, too, faith conquers fear. By simply recognizing our connection to Spirit and to one another through Spirit, we raise our consciousness to the level where love replaces fear. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

I would like a statue of Saint Francis in my flower garden... I think those garden statues are cute. Doesn't he protect babies or animals....or maybe it is baby animals? Crap, then Smelly Cat will have to stop eating baby bunnies and birds in the flower garden. - Johi

Hold no grudges and practice forgiveness. This is the key to having peace in all your relationships. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Hahaha. Fine. I can forgive the assholes, but I don't want to be near them, see them or hear them speak. And if I continue to fantasize about them dieing in a fiery crash does it still count as forgiveness? - Johi

Hate converts to love when the energy of love is in its presence. It's important to remember that hate, directed toward yourself or others, can always be converted into the life-giving, love-granting life force of intention. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

I still will hate snakes for eternity. Nothing about something slimy moving with no legs can muster up any feelings of love within me. - Johi

Practice enjoying the present moment, rather than using it up consumed with guilt over the past or worry about the future. Refuse to allow any thoughts based on your past to define you. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Uh... I was raised Catholic. We rock at guilt. And I am a slightly Type A mother. Worry is at the top of every one of our neatly penned lists. Why Catholics drink: because the drink numbs the thoughts of the past that your entire community has used to define you (and your immediate and extended family). Why I have boxed wine in my pantry: It allows me to enjoy the present moment of drinking wine while sitting in Eleanor and reading. Shit, I have this all figured out. - Johi

Without exception, begin every day of your life with gratitude. As you look in the mirror, say, "Thank you, God, for life, for my body, for my family and loved ones, for this day, and for the opportunity to be of service. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" - Dr. Wayne Dyer

I actually practice gratitude every day, but I do it at the end of the day thankyouverymuch. Yesssss! Thank you that I can do something right. - Johi

You cannot always control what goes on outside, but you can always control what goes on inside. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Try telling that to my digestive system. - Johi

By referring to previous struggles and using them as reasons for not getting on with your life today, you're assigning responsibility to the past for why you can't be successful or happy in the present. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

But my parents really did use me as an indentured servant! and my cat died! and that guy made fun of me that one time when I was running! and .... wah wah wah wah..... Forget it. If I victimize myself, people will victimize me. If I am a fucking winner, people will give me free chocolate and offer to clean my house. - Johi

Release the need to be upset with others. Remember that anytime you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to manipulate. - Dr. Wayne Dyer

I knew he watched Top Model...- Johi

Aaaaand, that's all for the day. Off to don my green leisure suit. I have children to raise and house chores with my name spray painted all over them beckoning me.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. thanks for the dose of mental stability - yours, not his!

  2. Damn, I will never have peace if that's true. I hold a grudge like it's an olympic sport and I want that Gold medal.

    Oh, also? Snakes are not slimy. They are actually quite dry. I had a pet snake in college. But I get it, the hubs fears them as well.

  3. " I hold a grudge like it's an olympic sport and I want that Gold medal." OMG the best quote I've ever read!!! Yeah that!!!! And I have no intentions of stopping it either. Ever. Never. :P

  4. Hold no grudges and practice forgiveness. This is the key to having peace in all your relationships.

    Pfft! This man has OBVIOUSLY never met my ex-husband.

  5. I am so envious of your green leisure suit that I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

  6. Amen to all you said with the exception of the housekeeping and chocolate ...

    I will clean your house FOR chocolate! Duh. I like dark, no nuts. Whole Foods has a good selection. Pick up some gluten free lemon shortbread cookies while you are there.


  7. It's the suit! I love that suit. Thank you for making today so much more awesome.

  8. @TesWis- Anytime. I'm full of gems just like these on a daily basis.
    @Mistyslaws- I hope you get that gold medal girl. Thank you for the clarification on the snakes. I still hate them and will continue to think of them as slimy bastards.
    @Itwasn'tme- Amen. I should have her guest post. ANYONE THAT WANTS TO WRITE A GUEST POST IS WELCOME TO DO IT.
    Oh, and sorry to the one person that did and I accidentally erased it from my inbox. I was good. I liked it. I just suck.
    @Jen- Me neither but I already don't like him. If he let you go he must be a first class asshat.
    @Paula- I will rent it out for St Patty's Day....

    @Sluice-I feel another photo shoot coming up featuring the green suit's cousin: the purple wool one.....Oh yeah.

  10. Yeah, forgot to mention how much you are working that suit. Rockin my world with that thing! I will need to see this purple one as well.

    Really for the guest post? I'd be honored. Shit, I would actually have to think of something creative to write about wouldn't I? Such a high bar you set Johi.

  11. I love my grudge, it's my precious. Stupid doctorses wants to take it away from me, but it's mine!
    Practice forgiveness, and they will just do it again. Practice your blowdart skills, and they will run away!
    Snakes suck ass.

  12. @mistyslaws- I snorted with the high bar comment. Oh yes, I did.
    @Kelly- I love saying "my precious". I'm going to check into this blowdart thing....

  13. I always start my day happy & as soon as I walk in the door of my work & realize yes someone just dropped their guts in the work toilet again, shit goes downhill from there. I lose my will to live.

    Plus, I've got a demented rage gene courtesy of my pa. I drop my shit quicker than you can say, 'I'll have extra chips with my chips please'.

    As for the green leisure suit, sweet jesus I need me one of those.

    Love your work lady!

  14. I too have that demented rage gene. We would be fun together on the town with a bottle of tequila.

  15. Love your down to earth, corn fed take on life, Johi! You could give Dyer a run for his money. :)

    As for St. Francis, I think he might be the one you’re supposed to bury upside down in your yard so you can prevent forest fires…or maybe it’s to cure warts. Must check with my Catholic buds on that one. ;-)

    Happy to have discovered your blog--even though I’m deeply envious of any woman who can wear a green leisure suit and look that good! :D

  16. Welcome Susan, Super Earthling! And thank you. I firmly believe every woman should own a classic piece of double knit polyester.

  17. Dr. Dyer sounds like kind of an asshole.

  18. I love, love, LOVE the green leisure suit. Although you look more prepared to kick some ass than you do to sit and do leisurely things.