Tuesday, September 6, 2011

If at first you don't succeed, take some cold medicine and try again.

Our anniversary weekend was kicked off with a massive head cold on my behalf. Nothing says "sexy beast" like breathing through your mouth and coughing up phlegm. I set a very romantic tone, indeed. In short, we cancelled our plans for a weekend in the mountains and settled on one evening out instead. We browsed the antique mall, had an amazing dinner and then I made my husband take me to see Bridesmaids in the cheap theatre, which officially made this the best anniversary ever. And yes, he liked it too. In fact, he laughed just as hard as I did. In his words he "nearly burst a sac". Don't we just ooze class?

Since I see illness as a giant effing waste of time, I was fully dedicated to having a fun weekend, despite my hacking and snorting. So I spread my germs planned a labor day party for my friends who recently moved from Jersey and popped some non-drowsy cold meds! The sheer amount of physical labor that one can do on a single dose of cold medication is astounding. I was hopped up like Mary Lou Retton on cocaine. I'm not going to lie, it was kind of awesome and I got a shit ton of work done. I pruned four giant trees, my entire flower garden, the surrounding willow shrubs and cleaned the entire house from top to bottom in a 24 hour period. Never mind that I was sweating through my eyelids and I can hardly walk today, nor can I lift anything with my right hand. The place looks GREAT and it was worth it!

Other than the fact that all nine children at my house were devoured by mosquitoes, the party was a success. (Duh, my friends are incredible)

Since I had actually cleaned my home, I gave my Jersey friend a full-house tour. She had never been here before and I was glad to show off my decorating efforts. Then I told her that this would be the only time I cleaned for her arrival (because honestly, my house is normally a pit) but I wanted her to know the "cuteness potential" of my home (plus she wants me to help her decorate and I didn't think that two months worth of dust on the furniture, toys and dog hair on the carpet, laundry strewn across the floor, mail in eight piles around the house and grit and sticky substance and clutter on every surface would say "Pick ME to help you decorate. I'm good. No really. I am.").

Then this morning I woke up to a clean home! And a code red diaper situation with Thing 2, complete with full crib bedding infiltration. As I was taking care of that mess, Thing 2 was busy dumping Thing 1's apple juice all over the floor. As I was cleaning up the apple juice, Thing 2 was methodically pulling every dish towel out of the drawer and throwing it around the kitchen like confetti. As I was picking up the dish towels... well you get the picture, it was one of those days. But I was determined to overcome!

Then we had a sales presentation for "whole house air cleaning system" in our home. (Code: a vacuum dude came here and showed us the coolest vacuum ever.) Then only thing this contraption didn't do was hover in mid air. I was thinking "Thank God I spent yesterday cleaning! Now he won't think we are total pigs!" Then he got out this awesome blue rocket and pulled scary, nightmare-inducing crap out of every surface of our home, including Eleanor (surprise surprise, she was born in 1969). I felt like the worst housekeeper on the planet, or like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond. I seriously wanted to buy this thing but it was the same cost as the enormous amount of dental work that I still need to have performed and I pick eating over a clean house. But I seriously want this thing.....

Then I spent the rest of the day in the mom vortex of cooking and cleaning and playing with the kids and time out and laundry. I was feeling like, despite the fact that I had been sick and even if my house looks clean we are living in 35 years of dead skin cells and dog hair, I had been moderately successful. Then Brock walked in, looked at me and announced,"You look haggard".
Yessss. Thanks honey. Let's put a little NyQuil that, shall we?


  1. I hope you are feeling better, I wish my week end would of been more productive...and I wasn't even sick.

  2. I am feeling better, I think! Hard to tell some days. :)