Friday, September 23, 2011

How to give thoughful gifts.

Many months ago, my best friend noticed that I often signed off on my blog with the artful and civilized "Peace, Love and Unicorns" and he graciously emailed me these pictures of a rare and elusive manicorn.


and this one....

Don't fuck with his horn or he will lose his magic.

The first (obviously) became my avatar for an online community which I joined. The second became inspiration of the highest form.

What form is that?, you ask.

The "what makes you laugh, makes you cry" form of giving thoughtful gifts.

You see, this same best friend recently moved to San Francisco. He totally left me and I didn't even get pissy with him. I know? But only because there is a hopeful (or delusional) side of me that thinks that I will be able to afford plane tickets once or twice a year to fly out for a visit. That seems possible, right? Right?

Here is where I interview a different good friend who moved to Washington state some time ago:

Me: Hi lovely, how are you?

Her: I'm really great. I'm busy picking apples from all the glorious trees in Washington- getting ready to press 15 gallons of apple cider.

Me: Awesome! I need to interview you for my blog because I'm out of shit to write about. Is that cool?

Her: Yeah, that's fine!

Me: When did you move to Washington?

Her: *um* I'm eating, talking, driving and dripping tomato seeds all over myself..... When I was one.

Me: I mean the recent move.

Her: Oh, 6 and 1/2 or 7 years ago.

Me: How many times have I flown there to visit you in that time span?

Her: Let me think. Ew... One.
And only because your sister brought you, might I add.

And there we have it. My reality.

And then we shared parenting moments as she told of her adorable and gregarious 10 year old daughter's crepe making business and I told of how we had to leave the playground early because my kid "punched" another kid. Awesome. Maybe I need to move to Washington....

So, back to this fucking best friend of mine who abandoned me and moved to San Francisco. I wanted to get him and his partner something special for their new home. Something that they would treasure for eternity. A heedful gift that would fill them with loving thoughts {about me}. That is why I chose to give them the gift that I ordered for this same bestie's birthday way back in April, yet never got around to mailing to him, because let's face it, dragging two children to the post office is ridiculous and only crazy (or organized...whatever) people do stuff like that.

So this is what I gifted him for his birthday going away present, which was unwittingly inspired by him:

Thank you to The Cotton Floozy for your craftastic artistry.
 I will have you know that it was, indeed, very well received.

As the wonderful world of retail will quickly remind us, Christmas is coming. So bitches best panic now, get out your wallets and visit The Cotton Floozy's Blog for more fabulous gift ideas. She makes everything from precious crocheted magnets to charming embroidered birds informing bathroom visitors that "Your poop smells nice". Anything that you could ever fathom in the discerning gift giving department (especially if you are looking for a gift for the Corn Fed Girl) can be discovered by simply clicking on this link to The Cotton Floozy.

Seriously, I want that Back-Off mask.

Peace, Love and Manicorns,


  1. The Manicorn! Yes! Also, to anybody who has read this, my store is currently empty, gearing up for a reopening on Friday September 30th! Just in time for gift shopping! Anybody who reads can use the special coupon code CORNFEDGIRL for an extra 15% off! My Etsy is here:
    Thank you, Johi!

  2. Just when I thought there was nothing gayer than 'Project Runway'. . .This. Is. EPIC!

  3. You are awesome, I am in awe of you at this very moment!

  4. Love the manicorn and LOVE the Floozy!

  5. How I love that manicorn!! I followed the floozy over here, and now I'm staying since "small Internet world" strikes again - I lived in Greeley for many many many stinky years. The Rio really does have the BEST margaritas, though!

  6. Oh dear lord, I was not prepared for that level of hilariosity on this Monday morning, but thank you for that. I was literally giggling out loud in my office for a good 5 minutes. Not like I have any work to do or anything. Thanks a frickin lot Johi!! (seriously though, thank you for sharing that. It made my day!) :)

  7. By the way, I made your Oatmeal Crispies this weekend and they were almost as magical as the manicorn. Good call on the butterscotch chips -- huzzah!

  8. My heart fell OUT OF MY CHEST when I saw this gift. You are, indeed, an amazing friend.

  9. I'm glad that you all approve of the Manicorn. Lord knows that I do.
    @Sarah- Fist pump for Smelly Town! And The Rio!
    @Jen- I'm glad you like the cookies. It is an old family (not so) secret recipe.
    @Floozy- Thanks for your mad skills and the coupon to your awesome store! Woot woot!

  10. BAHHAAAA!!! *quick scans list of theatre friends to decide who can receive a thoughtful gift like this