Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Do you squash or squish the pencil?

Yesterday was .... ?

It doesn't bode well for the day when you lurch yourself out of bed to discover that your back is out and your first and only thought is "How much longer before I can go back to sleep?". It probably didn't help that I "dressed' myself for the day in sweatpants and a tank top. Nothing says "Bring it on world!" like a drawstring waist, pants that make you appear to be smuggling a loaf of bread in the ass and your bra straps sliding down your arm.

The real result of my first class start to the day is that I'm nursing a pretty bad case of writer's block. I actually think it is a combination of lack of sleep, sore muscles from a much much much overdue yoga class and stress about trying to help out a neighbor by taking in her cat. Or maybe I'm just out of things to say... yeah right, in Brock's dreams. The sleep problem can be cured by Benadryl and the muscle soreness can be alleviated through a combination of more exercise, hydration and two Advil. Unfortunately though, the final issue of the cat proves more difficult as she hates us and has spent the last three days torturing us through a variety of well honed feline passive aggressive methods. She lurked under the bed for two straight days, yowled through the night in our bedroom (thus keeping us awake), growled at any and all children (not cool), hissed at the dogs (I understand) and fought with Smelly Cat through the sliding door (I should have recorded it and sold to to Hollywood for the soundtrack to a horror film). The best part was when she professed her sheer and utter disdain for me by attacking my naked thigh this morning with her fully sharpened set of ninja kittah claws. I guess that in exchange for me feeding her, petting her and letting her camp out under my bed, she thought it was best to repay my kindness by shredding my flesh to a bruised and bloody pulp. Thank you kitty. Message received. Thank God it was only my already hail damaged/spider vein splattered leg and not the perfectly smooth baby cheeks of one of my precious Things.



The injury is much more impressive in person.

.....And the cat has left the building.

Hey, I tried.

I later made good use of nap time by staring into a blinking cursor on my blank "new post" page until I clicked away to read a friend's blog post where she told us that her mother informed her that she didn't need a bra until she could hold a pencil under her special tissue.... unaided by her hands. Then I realized (yet again) that I really have no place buying or owning bras.
Later I had a IM conversation with a different friend where we were discussing the always stimulating topics of weight loss, boobs and alcohol. They may or may not be related . Here is a snippet:

Me: Can you give me a bit of your boobage? I need help.
Her: GLADLY....these puppies seriously get in the way.
I'm hoping one day before I die I can figure out the correct bra size to wear without asking for some crusty old lady's help that works in a corset shop!
OR I'll just start wearing tube socks with a hula hoop under them. You know, for support.
Me: lmao!!!!! Good Lord- write that shit down lady! Funny stuff!
Her: I just did ;);)YOU take it.
Her: you said you needed some creative energy fairies sending pencil dust your way!
Here's my final and laziest answer to the boobage issue.........
sans hula hoops, I'll just wear the socks,pull em all the way up and tuck the boobs in there. That's essentially where they end up anyway after 3 kids.
Then I decided that holding pencils under your breasts was way overrated and I went on to thinking about other important things; like butternut squash.
Naturally I thought about food, because we were discussing weight loss.
And then I started thinking about the delicious dinner that I made with some of the butternut squash that I grew in the garden, which I will now share with you.


They are not consistent in size but I'm told that is "normal".

I will have you know that Brock and I both gave it two thumbs up and the children tried to give it to the dogs. But seriously, what do they know? Thing 2 eats crayons (and sometimes rocks) and Thing 1 eats boogers, so I think it is safe to say that their palettes are not quite distinguished as of yet.


Yum-bah.

I made it gluten free. If you don't have issues with wheat, you could easily use Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix (which is what the original recipe called for).
Butternut Squash Casserole
1 lb ground beef
3 cups peeled and cubed (1/2 inch pieces) of butternut squash or pumpkin
1 yellow onion, chopped
1 15-oz can of black beans, rinsed and drained
1 1/2 cups frozen corn (or 3 ears of fresh corn, cut from cob)
4 oz of salsa Verde (or diced green chilies)
1/2 t sea salt
1/2 cup beef broth
4 oz cream cheese
________________________________________
1 cup of Bob's Red Mill Gluten-Free Cornbread mix
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/3 cup milk (I used coconut milk)
1/3 cup canned pumpkin
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
In a large skillet, cook beef, onion and squash over medium heat until beef is browned. Drain fat. Stir in corn, beans, salsa (or chilies) and salt. Heat. Stir in broth and cream cheese until blended. Transfer mixture to a 2 1/2 or 3 quart baking dish.
In a medium bowl stir together Cornbread mix, egg, milk and canned pumpkin. Spoon over beef mixture.
Bake for 20 minutes. Drizzle with honey before serving.
My children are insane. This is killer.
I also used the remainder of the Cornbread Mix (it is a 20 oz bag), mixed it with 1/2 cup milk, 1 egg, and the remainder of the canned pumpkin (about 1/2 cup). I put it into a greased muffin tin (I got 11 muffins) and baked it at 400 degrees for 11-15 minutes. Delish, and now I know what we are having for breakfast (with butter and honey, of course).
P.S. I peel the squash with a potato peeler and it works great.
Peace, Love and Unicorns,
Johi

6 comments:

  1. Pfft! I could smuggle a whole box of #2 pencils, a gram of coke, and a small mammal under these girls! Gravity is whack, yo.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i think i could carry my wallet under my boobs w/o a problem... :)

    love the squash depiction!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've never even thought of hiding things under my boobies, next time I need to smuggle candy into the movies I know where I will be hiding it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Genius!! Why didn't I think of boob smuggling. I could probably actually hide a small child under there at this point. Gravity is whack indeed, Jen. Truly.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Not to be freaky or anything, but I use mine to defrost things sometimes, don't want to melt a stick of butter, just soften it up??? My favorite song ever...Bette Midler in Beaches singing about Otis Titsling and his over-the-shoulder boulder holders!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have so many busty readers. Who knew? I'm still waiting for mine to come in.... For know I draw attention to my "cleavage bone."

    Sneaking art supplies, drugs, candy, wallets is genius. But my prize goes to KrazyKris for her defrosting method.

    ReplyDelete