Wednesday, August 10, 2011

You've Got To Be Tough To Live In The West

Things that have made today totally awesome:

1.) I spent the morning cleaning up chipmunk blood. I (mostly) succeeded.

2.) Thing 1 crashed his bike. Twice. He takes after his mother and his Auntie.

3.) It is almost 11 am and 72 degrees with a breeze. My windows are open! It is beautiful! Also, my fucknut neighbor decided that it was the perfect day to start a giant bonfire so he could burn ..... trash? weeds? tires? Oil? There is foul smelling smoke wafting EVERYWHERE. Thanks asshat.

4.) I opened my patio umbrella and a wasp fell out and stung my thigh. It is swelling. I don't need swelling in my thighs. I'm already German.

5.) Three loads of laundry down.... only five more to go. yay. So much for hanging it outside today. grrr.

6.) I found some dude's wallet in our driveway.When I returned it to him, he looked to see if there was cash in it. There was not. He probably thinks that I took his money. I did not. It was devoid of any green when I found it IN MY DRIVEWAY.

7.) I realized that I could pull weeds in my yard until November and I still wouldn't get them all.

8.) Red Dog begged to go with Brock this morning. Traitor. Where's the love?

9.) I have reheated my coffee five times because I can't seem to sit and drink it. ADD much?

10.) Thing 2, who normally stores food in his cheeks for up to an hour after eating, has now decided that food is best when carried around in his sweaty fist for at least 30 minutes prior to eating it. I fear he might be part squirrel.

11.) I just smacked my head on a cabinet. I'm truly the epitome of grace and elegance. I'm going to start wearing a helmet everywhere.

Guess what? None of that is going to get me down because I have BOOK CLUB tomorrow night. Boo ya. So when you drive down the street and hear me singing or see me break out into a spontaneous dance party for one, you will know that I am indeed crazy- crazy excited to see my girl friends! (and drink wine that didn't come from a box!)

P.S. We read The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom. I recommended it to the ladies because Phoenix Rising wrote about it in this freaking hilarious post.  I LOVED it. Can't wait to discuss..... If any of you have other book suggestions, throw them at me (just give me a heads up so I can duck- I clearly don't need any more head injuries.)

P.P.S. I just added fucknut and asshat to my dictionary. Word.

Peace, Love and Garden Gnomes,


  1. We truly ARE sisters from another mother!! OR we were separated at birth! I love ya...and you crack me up. Thanks!!!

  2. First of all, fucknut! I about hyperventilated (sp?)!

    Second of all, yes ... more suggestions for books. Although I did not love this book, pissed me off quite nicely, actually ... good suggestion for Book Club! I will alos be singing and dancing until tomorrow night.

    Finally, read Phoenix post about book ... LOL ... also, crazy but Steve and I also called Bubba "Cletus The Fetus" when he was in-utero. :)

  3. I have learned quickly that if you are able to get rubbing alcohol quickly on anything you think will bruise it will at worst minimize the bruise and at best keep you from bruising all together.

    NOT that I'm clumsy or anything.

    Also I'm totally with you on the German thigh thing. I'm only a third and mine are hams. Yay for Germans!

  4. love that you have a squirrel in your household. just hope he has better luck than your chipmunk obviously did!

  5. I LOVE that you used fucknut and asshat in the same sentence. TWICE.

  6. If you haven't read it yet, try "Room". I don't remember the author, but it's pretty popular right now so I wouldn't think it would be hard to find.