Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Though shalt not be an @$#hole.

Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order?

Yes, I'd like an extra large wine slushie.

Uh, we don't serve that....

Okay, I'll take one SAHM Nervous Breakdown Meal. Super-size that shit.

Um, I'm going to need to call the manager.....

The week was not kind to me. I will tell you all about it soon. Right now, I am a giant wad of emotion and fatigue and the wound is too fresh. So I would like to talk about two phone conversations that I had yesterday..... after a hell week, complete, of course, with lack of sleep and raging hormones. Again.

I'm going to get acupuncture in about an hour. Then I will have some wine and things will be fine.

While complaining  chitty chatting on the phone to an anonymous person yesterday, I may have mentioned that my wonderful and supportive husband often talks without thinking and pisses me off. Sometimes it is directed negatively at me. He does this a lot.

The response from the other party was "You and Brock have always made fun of other people. I thought that was something that you bonded over."

I was all "Whaaat? Really? You think that? I don't recall that. I do recall ridiculing people with a friend of mine for many years, and then I started to feel bad. Don't get me wrong. We still mock everyone, just not as much. (Only because we rarely see each other) I didn't think that was what Brock and I did though...."

Then the other party then gave me a few examples (none of which I said, it was all Brockerisms).

Still, I felt like a twatwaffle.

Later, I was talking to a friend and I recounted the earlier conversation. I told her how bad I felt that people thought that I derived pleasure from laughing at others. She was that perfect person to repent this alleged part of my personality to, being a preacher's daughter and all. I thought that she would maybe pray for my salvation and sprinkle me with some holy water to wash away my sins.

Instead, she was incredulous, "What is wrong with making fun of people? My husband and I do it all the time! Making fun of people is AWESOME! In fact, I will circle around the block just to get a second look at someone! My husband will elbow me and say: Look at that! They actually looked in the mirror and thought to themselves I LOOK FINE before they left the house!"

Naturally, I snorted.

Then she went on to say "The Bible never said "Though shalt not make fun of thy neighbor"..... I'm pretty sure my Dad taught me that!"

I was laughing so hard that I was turning purple.

I said, "I leave the house looking scary all the time."

She said, "So do I! And it makes me feel great to know that my hideousness may be causing someone else pleasure!"

PSA: (Or daily tip:) Laughing at others is not only common, but condoned by a preacher in Kansas. Go forth, Laugh at others and be laughed at by others. Like, it is our civic duty and stuff.

It is good to know that I am not alone in the world.


  1. I'm relieved to hear that! I can now say a preacher in kansas gave me permission to laugh at other people! Husband doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth, I have lived with that for 23 years. Sometimes it can be hurt full, other times it's funny as hell.

  2. hope your week gets better! at least you had a good solid laugh. :) and wine!

  3. Yay! No more guilt over being a snarky smartass.

  4. Ugh, I'm having one of those weeks/life/husband too :(

    I love your Kansas friends pov! It's like the circle of life, only the laughing at each other version. Pretty sure some of my ensembles have brought great mirth to one person or another. And in turn, we take it one step further and give people names based on their distinctive character traits.

  5. Holy Cow Balls! So...its not just me?! Sometimes, making fun of a coworker is the ONLY way I make it through the day. But, then I always feel guilty. No longer!

  6. fuck, it's the only way i get through the day. i NEED my daily laugh at others. there. i said it. i feel like a dark secret has been unloaded. thank you.

  7. Once when I lived in Huchinson, KS there was a man/thing in the grocery store check-out at the same time as me. He was unshaven, very tan, pale purple/pink lipstick, false eyelashes and hair scruncis around his ankles and wrists. And had on a neon pink dress with wrestling shoes. Oh, and a hidious black wig.
    I immediately called Brad to leave work so we could stalk this freak show. I HAD to know where he lived. If he was that much of a train wreck just imagine what his front yard would look like!!!! Well, it turned out that he rode a bike and took us on a 3 hour goose chase. We never did find out where he lived but we will cherish that afternoon forever.

  8. Thank the LORD! Or, rather, the preacher who says it's okay. Because just the other day Big V came home making fun of someone and I was all "let me see the picture you took" except he didn't even take a picture! Not even a sneaky from the back picture like I taught him. *sigh*

    Also, sorry you had hell week. Those kind of weeks suck. I hope this week is more like Spring Break 1992 Week. Because that was a LOT more fun.

  9. Thanks guys. You know I live for your comments. If we all meet in person, we now have a free pass to snarkiness. Yay!