I also think that those people that don't like me must be:
- terribly boring
- lacking a sense of humor
- heavily medicated
- feel threatened because I have discovered what an asshat they truly are
- did I mention boring and lacking a sense of humor?
.....but that is just what I think......
So last night we went out for an evening of adventure and family fun.
We started at Sam's Club so that we could buy diapers, wipes and Kleenex in bulk. Because it is a magical place where you can purchase everything you may ever need (except apparently rice milk), I grabbed a bag of frozen flounder then wandered over to look at the laptops. Mine is sad. It keeps having seizures and shutting itself down.
I spoke with the techie guy that was working in that section. By the time I left, he thought that I was ignorant white trash. Just because Thing 1 was climbing on Thing 2, while he was in his stroller and our conversation was erratic: "Get off your brother... so what about this one?... get off your brother.... I have an external hard drive but I think it is a pain to use..... Get. Off.Your. Brother.... How long are laptops supposed to last? Ten years? Really? Mine is only four years old?...... OH MAH GAWD! GET OFF YOUR BROTHER!!!!!."
I don't think he was a fan. He obviously has perfect children. Bahahaha! My real guess is he has no children at all.
Then I asked the girls selling Direct TV if they could help me look for my book club book. They weren't interested. *gasp!*
Then we left with our ginormous box of Popsicles (I never have to buy Popsicles again!) and realized that we were starving. So we took the kids to the Japanese restaurant where we actually sat and ate a nice dinner. I know. I think it is a sign of the Apocalypse.
Thing 2 was in fine form. He has a knack for finding all the pretty girls and
No one smiled.
I figured they didn't hear me, so I tried again with "It is the food on the mouth that really draws the ladies in.... that is exactly how his father wooed me."
*silence* But she made eye contact with me, without a smile on her face. Awkward.
Whaaaatttt? That is some funny stuff right there! If you could pull your rhinestone encrusted bag out of your butt, you would realize that!
So I wrote her off as: Lame and born without a sense of humor. Possibly constipated.
On the way out, I tested my comedic genius on two waiters and they loved me, so it obviously isn't me.... right? Is it?
Why doesn't everyone love me????
Maybe I'm an acquired taste? Like strong cheese.... or Neil Diamond?
Okay, I'm done.
Peace, Love and Unicorns,