Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Start working them from a young age

Having perfect children who hold their tongue, respect their elders and know the value of hard work takes a lot of time, patience, consistency and discipline on the behalf of the parent.

Here is photographic evidence of my stellar parenting skills. Try not to feel intimidated.

Like foreign languages, yard work and mechanics should be taught at a young age for maximum learning capacity and retention:

I will be instructing a monthly class:
Yard Work for Tots 101. Proper footwear be damned.

Big brother is taking over for little brother's diaper break.
Next I will have him address that bare spot in the grass.

Teaching them the benefits of housework proves useful (...and you thought only my dogs cleaned the floors. HA!)

Get them brooms for short people and prepare to be
amazed by the amount of work the make for you complete.
By allowing your children to master these mundane tasks difficult chores, you are giving them the independence and knowledge that they need to be successful when you kick their mouthy asses out of the house on their own!

I feel sorry for my friend who birthed this little rascal, as I predict she will be listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall and leading rebellions against "the establishment".

Precious, isn't she?
Let's take a closer look so we can see the problem....

It is almost as if that tiny middle finger makes
the I heart Mom sentiment sarcastic....
Oh, Mom is in for it!
In conclusion! Take a little advice from the Corn Fed Girl and give your wee ones a shit ton of responsibility and manual labor starting at a young age. They will thank you later for their back problems and hatred of "the man", and you will have more time to watch America's Next Top Model. It really is a win-win situation.

Now I need to go because Thing 1 just ran through the house yelling the "mommy is GROSS!" because I instructed him to use the bathroom, which he apparently didn't want to do and he is now beating on his baby brother, who is attempting to eat a rotten banana he found in the trash can with a clump of red dog hair attached to it.... Oh! and now there is screaming.

Ahhh, perfection in parenting.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,


  1. So, you can never start them too young right? Like as soon as she's born?...

  2. Love your blog! You are hilarious!

  3. Do the younger generation of rebellions still listen to Pink Floyd?

  4. @Brandy - that is my philosophy!
    @Mel- Thanks and WELCOME!
    @Tina- I have no idea. I think it is pretty clear that I am out of touch with... well.... everything.

  5. You should write a parenting book! (Also, how weird that my husband made me watch Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' last night.)

  6. @Floozy- I tend to frighten other people's children. Mine are just desensitized. I think a parenting book is the obvious path for me!

  7. "OUr Babies, Ourselves" says that one of the African tribes starts their kids doing housework at 2. Therefore we are clearly too soft on our kids!